My Fanfiction

My Absence

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 02:16:19 GMT

Hi Everyone,

I haven't written anything in a while. I've kind of been in a weird point at my life where I don't have time for it. I'm working of my senior year of college and I'm trying to focus on that.

I'd like to think everyone for reading my fan-fiction. I'm not much of a writer but I hope I'll get back to this some day.

Top of the World 17/18

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 02:17:54 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Genre: drama
Warnings: mention of rape fantasy ( the 1^st chapter does some explaining.) mention of rape. self mutilation.
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Reita/Ruki Ruki/Reita Uruha/Ruki
Synopsis: When Ruki shares his fantasy of being raped, he never thought Reita would make it happen. After things begin to fall apart and Ruki wonders if he ever really wanted it.
Comments: This story is kind of weird. I’ve been working on it for a couple months.

01|02|03|04|05|06|07|08|09|10|11|12|13|14|15|16

I stare into the mirror, my hair lifted up by my hand as I observe the scab. It’s right across my forehead, dark and red. Around the skin it’s purplish. At least I can cover it with my hair, I think as sigh frustrated.

Reita has the TV blaring. Baseball, it’s really loud, especially when the commercials play. He yells something and I peep out of the bathroom, not sure if it was towards the TV or me.

“What baby?”

“I said Saga is coming over today.”

I frown and go back into the bathroom. Saga makes me uncomfortable. There was that whole suspicious thing between them. The kiss and…I sigh; I can’t really do anything about it. I go back in the room and look over at the couch.

“Are you going to watch that all day?”

“It’s my day off.”

I go to the couch and kneel at the cushions facing towards him.

“What?” He asks as he looks towards me.

“Why is he coming over?”

Reita grabs me under my armpits and pulls me into his lap. I reorient my legs so I’m comfortable. I smile at him. “Hey Baby.”

He rubs the inside of my thigh. My body shivers slightly. “Why are your jeans always so tight?”

I push his hand away. “Stop,” I say pretending to be annoyed.

He laughs at me and looks around my head to the TV. After a few minutes he asks.

“Are you going to make lunch?”

“Why do I have to take care of you all the time?”

“Then get off of me, I’m hungry.”

I climb off of him and go into the kitchen. He follows behind me and looks in the fridge. I stand behind him and try to see what we have.

“Are you going to make something, Ruki?”

I move back.

“Move,” I tell him and wait for him to get out of the way. I look into the fridge; it wasn’t that long ago that I went shopping.

I pull things out and set them on the counter. Trying to decide what I’ll make.

“You’re so lazy, Rei…”

It’s much later in the day and we’re still on the couch watching TV. The game is over thankfully. Reita looks over at me bored. I smile at him.

“We should have gone outside today.”

“It’s too hot.”

“Yeah, and we work a lot”

“Yes, we deserve a lazy day.”

He stretches his arm out and grabs my arm.

“Come here.”

I move closer and into his lap. My hand goes into his soft hair. He rubs my cheek. I shiver as his finger goes over my mole.

“Ew, don’t touch it.”

He pulls me closer and kisses at the mole. So I kiss his nose.

All this touching leaves me on the bed writhing on my back as he thrusts into me. My legs wrapped around his back.

“Reita baby…”

My back is arching and I’m about to cum.

“Un, Reita,”

It’s spilling out onto my stomach.

Not long after out sex, the guests are showing up. I set out a bowl of shrimp chips on the table. There’s pop in fridge and Reita picked up some beer.

I stare around our apartment. At the dark wood floor. The furniture is all black. From the black leather couch to the tables and TV stand. Our big screen TV and the stereo system in the corner. The walls a medium blue that seems faded.

“Ruki, you’re not stressing out, are you?”

I look over at him.

“No baby, I’m fine.”

He brings out the Pictionary game and leaves it on the table.

“Reita.”

“Yeah?”

“Ready?”

“Sure.”

The doorbell rings and we go to the door. I feel excited actually having something to do. It’s not only Sage there, but Hiroto too. We greet them and they come inside. Saga ruffles my hair.

“I brought Hiroto, so the other shorty isn’t lonely.”

Reita starts laughing so I shove him a little.

“Saga is taller than you, so you’re included too. Shorty!”

“Shorty?”

I smile at him and run into the living room.

“You better run,” he teases.

They all come into the room.

“I’ll put your beer in the fridge,” I offer to Hiroto.

He takes one out and hands the rest to me. I put them in the fridge. I grab a can of orange pop and vodka from the freezer. I mix it into a cup.

“No beer?” he asks.

“This is fine,” I say leaving the vodka in the freezer.

I sip my drink. “Reita wants to play Pictionary.”

“Is that bad?”

“His temper is short.”

“Really? He seems pretty level headed.”

“Not when we’re playing a game.”

When we go back in the room, Reita has the easel set up.

“You’re on my team, baby,” Reita says. I flash a smile even though I’m thinking great, sarcastically.

The reason why I hate playing with him is rearing its ugly head. He’s up there drawing something and I have no fucking clue. I keep making guesses, every time he yells no at me. Occasionally calling me an idiot. I jump as the timer goes off. He slams the marker down, throws the card in the pile and sits down by me.

“God damn it, Ruki.”

I pull my lips in to wet them trying to ignore him.

I lean back in the couch watching Saga up there. Not looking forward to my turn. I grab my drink, gulping it down. My second drink that I had made stronger than the first.

My drink is empty before I go up there.

My head is feeling quite dizzy. I take a second before hitting the timer to read my card. I grab the marker nervously. I don’t want to be yelled at. I start drawing hoping Reita will get it.

He does and I’m relieved to sit down.

“Reita will you make me another drink?”

He hands me his can of beer.

“I don’t want this,” I whine.

He grabs it back and drinks. I get up and go to make another one. Drinking some of the vodka straight first. I go back onto the room with my glass.

I sit down sipping my drink as Reita reads his card. Fucking great, is all I can think. We’re losing miserably. 16-5. I’d rather just give up.

“Ruki, stop staring at the fucking table.”

My head shoots up and I try to figure out what he drew.

“Are you going to guess?”

I grab my drink feeling thirsty. He looks pissed.

“What the hell are you doing?”

His eyes are still on me. He recaps the marker and starts to put the game away.

“Okay, I guess you guys win.”

Then he looks at me, “Ruki, help me put this away.”

He carries the game and I grab the easel. We stash them in the spare room closet. He stands in front of me blocking the door as he shuts it.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks.

“Me? You’ve been mean the whole game.”

“I’m just being competitive. You didn’t even try. You couldn’t guess one right.”

“So that makes it okay for you to call me an idiot and embarrass me?”

He’s looking like he knows better than to respond to that. He leaves the room and shuts me in. I tear the door open and go into the living room.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Reita says and they get up to look at the DVD collection.

I take my glass and head into the bedroom. Sitting on the bed thinking that I don’t really feel like drinking anymore. I wonder if I should get on the computer or just lay down. I feel the start of a headache.

The white comforter has a chilly feeling to it. I sprawl out on my stomach and close my eyes.

I must have fallen asleep. “Baby,” he presses on my shoulder.

“Baby…”

“Mm…”

I lift my head up, god my contacts are dry.

“What?” I ask.

“We’ve started a movie.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Movie has been on for a bit. I don’t know.”

I get out of the bed and go to the kitchen. Reita comes in behind me and dumps out my glass. He fixes me some water. I finish the glass and go to the bathroom.

Reita is following me.

“How much did you drink?”

I still feel drunk and I’m not walking very sober. He grabs my waist and helps steady me. We argue a bit in the bathroom. He wants me to sit down to pee, so I don’t get it all over the place. After some yelling, I sit down and do it.

“Don’t start shitting.”

“I won’t!”

He wipes off my penis when I’m done. “Hey,” I squeal at him.

I flush and go to wash my hands.

“I don’t need your help.” I mumble under my breath.

“Ow!” I yell as Reita pulls down my pants.

“What the hell are you doing?” I yell as I turn around.

He grabs my shirt and begins to pull it off.

“Hey, stop it.”

He stops, looking at me like I’m crazy.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” He asks.

I hug my chest and start crying as I feel confused and vulnerable.

“Why are you taking my clothes off?”

“I do this every time you’re drunk. Help you in the bathroom. I help you in the shower. You know you’re a stinky drunk.”

I start to calm down as things make sense. Maybe vodka and me don’t mix well. Definitely not how much I’m drank.

“I’m okay,” I say pulling my shirt off. I step out of my jeans. I give him a quick hug his clothes feeling rough against my skin. I kiss him.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Shh,” I say putting my finger over his mouth. “Go take care of our guests, I can shower by myself.”

He smiles, “Call me if you need help.”

Then he leaves me in the bathroom.

Reita

Sure enough he’s calling for me. So I go in the bathroom to see what he wants. His skin is still moist from the shower. I look down; I swear he’s found the tiniest towel to wrap around his waist.

“Rei, I can’t go out there in a towel, get my robe and underwear.”

My eyes are glued to the towel as I move closer. I lift it up looking at look at his body. He moves back and shakes his head disapprovingly. “Get away from me.”

I let go and laugh at him.

“Will you just go?”

“What if I make you walk back to the room naked?”

Instead of getting mad he just starts laughing hysterically. Even though I don’t know why he’s laughing I join in. After a moment, he stops to catch his breath.

“Remember when I shared a hotel room with Aoi?”

He pauses for a second and I don’t respond, he’s shared with Aoi numerous times.

“You came over and we were watching a movie on my bed. Aoi was in the shower. He couldn’t find a towel so he came out of there completely naked looking for his clothes. We were horrified.”

I laugh, “That was so unexpected. I still have a mental image of that.”

“See? I don’t want to traumatize our guests.”

“Aoi didn’t mind at all. He was talking to us, smoking a cigarette before he ever put clothes on.”

“Go get my clothes Reita.”

“Alright,” I say as I leave again.

I bring him his robe and underwear. I sit back on the couch.

“Are you alright?” I ask our friends.

“It’s getting late, we should be going home,” Saga says as he glances over at Hiroto.

“Right Hiroppon?”

“Yeah,” Hiroto says as he stands up. “We had fun, thanks for inviting us.”

Saga stands up.

“Yes, thank you.”

I get up and walk to the door with them. I wave to them as they leave.

“Bye, thanks for coming.”

I pull the door closed and lock it. Ruki is coming out of the bathroom as I walk back in.

“I’m going to bed,” I say as I go to the bathroom to wash up.

“Okay,” he says as he walks by.

AN: I know some readers have added me as a friend to keep track of my stories. I don’t think my fan fiction journal is very useful since I just post everything uncut and it’s very long. I’m thinking of restructuring it so everything is under cuts. Then I could post information for readers when I expect I won’t be able to update. So I guess, look for that.

Top of the World 16/18

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 00:53:08 GMT

Title: Top of the World

I wish I could say that Ruki stopped crying when we left the bathroom. Yet he was up all night crying in bed. I tried to ignore him and sleep. It’s hard with him right next to me.

Finally I roll over and pull him away from his pillow. Pulling him to my chest.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Shh,” I rub his back and it seems to calm him.

He becomes quiet and I start to fall asleep. I’m so tired, my mind is slipping off. I hear him whining faintly and I tell him to stop.

I wake up in the morning, feeling vaguely like I hadn’t slept. Ruki is fast asleep. He must have fallen asleep much later, since he slept all day. He’s cute like that. I move the blankets closer to him.

I should just stay asleep. I like watching his face. He’s beautiful. That blonde hair is so bright. I sit on the bed, finding a small spot by him. Reaching in I grab his hand. The guy has been sad lately. The best I can do right now is to help him pull it back together.

His hand feels pretty dry. I wonder if he’s drinking enough water. Pulling his hand out I realize it’s caked in blood. A nose bleed is my immediate thought, but I only see it on his hand. Quickly I pull off the blankets. His underwear is tangled around his feet.

“Reita! What the fuck?”

I look over him; the cold must have woke him up.

“There’s blood on your hand, what were you doing?”

He sits up and stares at his hand.

“It’s really itching on account that it’s healing.”

“Get in the bathroom and make sure you didn’t do anything.”

“It’s itching now,” he whines.

“Ruki, lift up your leg. I think you got blood on the bed.”

He stands up, “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it.”

“Let me know if it’s not okay. I’ll take you to the doctor’s office.”

“Maybe you should call and get me a cream prescription,” he says as he walks to the bathroom.

I yawn and start to realize that I’ve just gotten up too. “Ruki, I need to pee.”

“Wait a minute.”

I go in there as he’s getting into the shower. As I pee, I look towards the curtain.

“Is everything alright?”

“I looked and I just scraped off some skin.”

I wash my hands at the sink. “That’s gross, Ruki.”

“Will you get the cream for me?”

I leave the room and shut the door. Going to the kitchen to make the phone call for him.

I go into work much later than everyone else. Right now, I’m leaving the drug store with his medication. I’m really hoping he hasn’t done any other scratching. That was gross this morning. Not to mention a little scary.

It’s loud and chaotic when I get to the practice room. There’s a lot going on. Like everyone is doing their own thing. Ruki runs up to me and gives me a quick hug and kiss.

“Did you bring it?”

I hand him the small brown bag from the pharmacy.

“Come with me,” he whispers in my ear. Smiling as he pulls back and heads for the door. I wave at my other band mates, “We’ll be back in a second.”

I stare strangely at Ruki’s back hoping he doesn’t want me to put that on him. We stop in the middle of the men’s room. I watch him tear open the package. Lazily discarding the paper bag on the ground. He sets the tube on the counter and pulls down his pants. I turn and look in the opposite direction.

“How are you?” he asks.

“Fine,”

I hear him squeeze the tube. He sighs and I glance back watching him put it on. He washes his hands and redresses. He’s screwing the lid back on the tube, and then he stares at me.

“Are you staying?”

“For a bit.”

He stretches and glances at me. We walk back to the practice room. I meet up with Aoi and Uruha to go over the guitar parts.

Ruki

I notice right away when I’m leaving the building that it feels a little chilly, unusual for this time of year. Even in the summer when it cools down, it’s still really hot. Looking out in front of me I realize it’s pouring down rain. The loud sound of the rain hitting the pavement reaches my ears just then. I run back in the building to find Reita.

“Reita, it’s raining.”

His arm goes around my waist and he leads me out the door.

“So?”

“Where’s your umbrella?”

“Car.”

It’s raining so hard I feel like I’m soaked just the second we’re outside. I break out of his grasp and start to walk faster. Not noticing how flooded the steps are becoming. I lose my balance and start to tumble forward. My forehead slams right into a step. With in seconds Reita is helping me up. The rain burns my cut skin. I try looking up to see anything.

“Shit, Ruki, are you alright?”

Reita

It’s flowing out so quickly.

“Close your eyes,” I tell him.

I try wiping the blood off with my handkerchief.

“Hey!” I hear Aoi calling out to us. “Are you okay?”

He gets closer and looks at Ruki.

“Ruki, shit…”

He helps me get Ruki back up. We bring him back inside. It’s freezing in the building. We pull him into the bathroom as the blood just starts pouring down his face.

“Don’t open your eyes,” I tell him.

I grab the rough paper towels and wipe off his face. After, he grabs some towels to hold against the cut.

“ How’d you do that?’ Aoi asks.

“I lost my footing; it’s so wet out there.”

He’s shaking, we’re all shivering.

“Let’s go,” I says grabbing Ruki’s arm.

“I’m going to grab the first aid kit,” Aoi says stopping us from leaving.

“It’s fine,” Ruki says a little annoyed.

“No…” Aoi says as he leaves.

“Reita,” he pleads with me.

“You’re bleeding,” I say flatly.

He looks up, arms crossed as he shivers. I move his hair back trying to keep it separate from the blood.

“I’m so tired,” he whispers.

“Me too, Baby.”

Aoi is back with the first aid kit. I clean the cut for him and Aoi finds a band aid. It’s huge, like one for your knee. Ruki’s eyes are closed to keep the anti-septic from getting in. We quickly stick the band aid on.

“What is that?” he asks opening his eyes.

“Thanks,” I say to Aoi and we got with him to put the kit back.

“I’ll walk to your car with you since I have an umbrella,” Aoi offers.

“That’s alright, we’re already soaked.”

Aoi still walks with us, even though it’s quite difficult for all of us to fit under it. I’m glad I went with the leather seats in my car. I don’t have to worry about them being soaking wet. Ruki sleeps on the way home not noticing the large band aid.

I wake up Ruki when we arrive home. He’s slow to wake up and his sleepy eyes watch me.

“We’re home,” I tell him.

He removes his seatbelt.

Inside the apartment, we peel our clothes off in the genkan. Ruki runs them to the laundry room. I go to the bathroom to start a bath. It will be warm again tomorrow, but right now it feels so cold.

Something soft brushes against my face and I turn quickly. Ruki is all bundled up in his fluffy red robe.

“I brought your robe,” He says holding out my black one. I stand up and give him a hug.

I wrap the robe around and tie it. I sit on the side off the tub, leaning against the wall. Ruki steps over my legs into the tub. He sits on my lap facing towards the adjacent wall. My arms go around him. It’s peaceful just holding him here in the silence. No words are needed. Yet, I’m still feeling bothered about his crying last night. He’s not sleeping well.

“Ruki,” I whisper into his ear.

“How are you feeling?”

He looks in the tub and answers honestly.

“Impatient. I want to take my bath.”

“Will you sleep tonight?”

“What?”

“You didn’t last night.”

He spreads his leg a little, placing his feet apart in the water.

“I really hope to sleep tonight,” he says.

It was silent for a while; I was hoping Ruki would elaborate. The tub is almost full. Ruki’s robe is pulled up exposing his thighs. He unties his robe leaving it on my lap as he slips into the water.

“Come on Reita.”

I stand up discarding his and mine on the floor.

I shut the water off and get in with him. The warm water feels great. I look over at him with his bent knees and that silly band aid. He yawns.

“Sleepy?”

He rests his head on his knees. I scoot closer until my knees are in between his. He kisses me, our tongues mingling. He climbs onto me, my leg stretching out as he gets into my lap. He kisses me so urgently, and then he starts leaving tiny kisses all over my face and neck.

“Mm Ruki…”

He stops and smiles at me. I smile back, and then I burst into laughter. His eyes open wide.

“What?”

“I can’t believe you fell down the stairs.”

He pushes me away.

“Shut up.”

“Band aid head,” I tease him and continue laughing.

He leans back, “this isn’t relaxing.”

“Yeah, I want a cigarette.”

“In the bath?”

I smile at him and he smiles back.

“Well, I want my ass fucked real hard but you can’t always get what you want.”

I raise my eyebrow, “don’t you tease me with that.”

Ruki lifts his leg up, letting it hand over the side as water drips down rapidly.

“Don’t spread your legs in front of me.”

He just giggles.

“But Reita, I need something.” He says rubbing the washcloth down over his crotch.

“Not interested,” I say looking up and blowing air out of my mouth. That will drive him crazy, he needs attention.

“Ah! Rei…ta ah.”

I downcast my eyes to look at him. The washcloth is wrapped around his dick as he rubs himself.

I stare as he continues moaning and rubbing. I’m getting so hard I can’t resist him much longer. He’s going to be bent over the tub in a second. I do it, I just bend him over and so quickly he can barely react. His hands reach out to stop his face from hitting the floor.

“You’re getting it now,” I say holding his hips roughly.

“Aa, Reita not here Ah!” He squeals as I enter him quickly.

“This is uncomfortable,” He whines. I start to move in him. He’s so tight and I’ve missed this.

“Baby,”

“Bedroom, please.”

I pull out and help him up. Water is all over the bathroom floor. He grabs a towel drying off.

“Come on Reita.”

I dry off too and we hurry to the bedroom. He lays on his back as I crawl over him. His legs spread around me. I kiss him.

“You like this, more romantic?”

“And lubricated.”

He reaches towards the drawer. I kiss him again and move up to grab the lubricant.

The feeling of his naked body against mine is amazing. His erection rubs against me. I sit in between his legs and lube myself up. His legs wrap around me and I enter him. Ruki groans loudly. It’s so tight inside him, I can’t think. I just thrust mindlessly into him. Ruki grabs a fistful of the sheets.

“Reita, more.”

I thrust some more, not sure how much longer I can last.

I grip his penis spreading the pre cum down and pumping him. His hot cum spills down my hand.

“Ruki…”

He tightens around me and I’m cumming too.

I pull out and sit up. I watch him as he catches his breath. He wipes his stomach off and stares at me.

“Are you okay?” I ask him finally coming to my senses.

He nods.

“I didn’t hurt anything?”

“No.”

I frown at him and get up to grab underwear from the dresser. “How did you know it would be okay?”

He smirks and starts laughing.

“What?” I say a little too harshly.

“You want to know?” he whispers. “I took a big poop this morning and it was okay.”

“That’s gross; I don’t want to hear that after sex.”

“Everyone poops though.”

“It’s not attractive,” I comment as I light up a cigarette.

I wander off in search of an ashtray.

“Uruha let me poop on his chest.”

I find one in the living room and grab it.

“Ruki! Don’t lie to me. I don’t even think some crazy fan girl would let you.”

He sits up and starts looking for his robe.

“It’s in the bathroom.”

He gets up and I follow him.

“What are you doing?” I ask as he gets back in the tub.

“I wasn’t done.”

I put my cigarette out and set the ashtray on the vanity.

“You know what I did hear?”

“About what?” he asks playing childishly with a rubber duck.

“About you and Uruha.”

He glances at me but doesn’t say anything. I move closer.

“I heard you liked letting him beat your ass with a belt.”

“Not me, he liked it.”

I kneel by the tub.

“Do you want to try that?” he asks me almost hesitantly.

I put in the water and rub his leg. “Did it make you cry?”

He nods slowly.

“Then I don’t want to do it.”

He stretches out in the tub. I hold his knee and look over his body.

“You really are okay?”

“Of course.”

“I worry about you.”

AN: The spell check was a little weird this time around. It wanted to change woke to waked. So I went to dictionary.com to check. In the southern part of the US, the past tense of wake would be waked. But in the north we use woke. So I guess that was why I was confused. English is to strange.

Top of the World 15/18

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 03:12:37 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Today is one of our weird practice days. We’re not all in the studio. Just Kai, Uruha, and Aoi there. Reita is doing an interview today. Some monthly magazine contacted him. They’re doing photos too I guess.

I’m working on lyrics and maybe some of the tour designs. I have our upcoming single to get lyrics for. They have about half of the song done. It needs to be revised a bit. I practice singing what I have so far. Recording myself on my laptop so I can listen back to see if I like it.

By lunch, I’m feeling satisfied with it. I saved the latest version I have and email it to the other to see what they think. My phone vibrates and I grab it. A smile spreads across my face.

-You’re doing well, baby? I love you. - A text message from Reita.

-Things are well. Love you.-

I just send it and the phone rings.

It’s Uruha, how strange. I answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, do you have plans for lunch?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Would you like to join me?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay, I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

I hang up and discard the phone on the ground. I stand up, looking over myself. I need more than a few minutes. I haven’t even gotten dressed yet. I rush into my room to throw on my clothes. I don’t want Uruha waiting on me and getting angry.

I go in the bathroom adjusting my clothes so they are presentable. I make sure that what I need is in my pocket. I brush my teeth. The phone’s vibrating again. I flip it open and spit out the toothpaste. I turn it on speaker.

“Hello…”

“Hey,”

“Reita, hi.”

“I have a quick break. How are you?”

“Good, I’m brushing my teeth.”

“Did you get a lot done today?”

I laugh, “It’s still early.”

I rinse out my mouth. The speaker is turned off and I pick up my phone.

“I’m meeting Uruha for lunch.”

Reita gets quiet.

“Did you hear me?” I ask.

“Yeah, um… I’ll be home later.”

With that, he hangs up. He must not have that much of a break, I think as I hang up. After getting my things together I go to the genkan to put on my shoes. I open the door and make my way out the building into the 101 degree heat.

We live off the main road, down some little street. I see Uruha’s car pulling up. He rolls down the window. I say hello and get in the car. The air conditioning feels nice against my skin.

The ride is quiet but I don’t mind. I’m feeling a little sleepy.

“Where do you want to go?”

I smile thinking to myself.

“To that hamburger place. I really want onion rings.”

He laughs at me, “what?”

“I said I want some onion rings.”

We get a shaded private spot in the restaurant. I know I’ll gain a few pounds if I eat here but the food is so good. I get a chocolate milkshake with whip cream. Uruha orders an ice tea.

“I’m not responsible for what you eat.”

“I’m really sorry about everything,” I say to him.

He lights up a cigarette. I watch him.

“I invited you because I want to mend our friendship.”

I twirl my straw around my drink.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

“We’re both guilty. Let’s just be friends again.”

I suck on my drink.

“It’s not because of what I did is it?”

“Huh?”

“What I tried to do…” I stop not wanting to fully bring up the suicide.

“Ruki, of course not.”

The waitress comes up with my onion rings. My eyes light up and I quickly grab one. Eating it quickly, I hungrily grab another.

“I want to be friends again too,” I tell him between mouth fulls.

“I feel so bad that Reita attacked you afterwards. I didn’t think he’d do that.”

I eat faster not wanting to think about what Reita had done to me.

“We’re really trying to move pass that.”

He grabs one of my onion rings.

“I need to talk to Reita.”

“You haven’t?”

“Not since you were in the hospital. And not really even then.”

“I don’t know if he’s angry with you. It seemed like he was only mad at me.”

“Do you think I should call him?”

“Yeah, he’ll be home tonight.”

I sit, wondering what Uruha would have to say to him. We’ve know each other for a long time. I feel bad for what I did to Reita and Uruha’s relationship. I sigh staring into my drink. I am such a whore.

I move back as the waitress brings our main dish. I’m starving so I eat really quickly. Uruha is surprised when I finish in only a few minutes. He laughs, “And I’m the one who has to get back at a certain time.”

I laugh too. “I didn’t eat that fast.”

He smiles in between bites. I suck on my milkshake waiting for him to finish.

“I’ve written some lyrics for the new song. I sent you an email.”

“Oh, I’ll check that out later. Reita’s doing an interview today?”

“Uh-huh. I only saw him for a few minutes this morning.”

Our lunch is over and Uruha is driving me back. I fell almost sad. I wanted to spend more time with him. I look at him sadly before getting out of the car.

“Thanks for seeing me.”

“Ruki, of course I don’t mind seeing you.”

“Bye,”

I walk quickly back to the apartment. I really don’t want to be out in the heat today. I’m glad to be back in our chilled apartment. My stomach hurts from all the food I ate. I decide to be lazy. Going in our room to lie down. I remove my pants and shirt. The sheets feel so nice against my body. I’m barely there before I just fall asleep.

I wake up, my body feeling sore from sleeping the wrong way. I sit up and look around the room. My contacts are dry on my eyes. I reach for the eye drops and lean my head back. I blink waiting for my eyes to adjust. I yawn wondering how long I’ve slept for.

I gasp as I see the clock.

“5 o’clock! Damn it. No…”

Getting out of bed, I run to the living room to check the computer. There’s so much work to get done.

“Ruki, what the hell are you doing?”

I stop and look towards the door. Reita is taking his shoes off. He walks in further watching me like I’m insane.

“Rei… I fell asleep after lunch and didn’t get anything done.”

He laughs at me. He just stands there and laughs.

I hit at his chest. “Reita, shut-up.”

He grabs my wrist and holds it up.

“Hey!”

“You hit hard.”

He lets go of my arm. “When was lunch?”

I sigh. “I lied down around 1:00.”

He’s laughing again. “You’re so silly.”

I sigh again getting frustrated with him.

“Go get your crazy ass dressed,” he says mockingly.

“Shut-up,” I yell back at him before I run into the room.

“So, I guess you didn’t make dinner?”

I dress quickly, “shut-up.”

Reita

I sit on the couch needing to relax after a long day. I turn on the TV and start flipping though. Ruki comes back out and sits next to me. His head lies on my shoulder. I put my arm around him.

I turn my head towards him. He looks up and I kiss him. He smiles as I pull back.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know.”

We’re silent for a bit, I stop at some Challenge show.

“How was your day?”

“The interview went well. The questions were good. I feel like I was really able to communicate with the fans.”

He smiles at me, before climbing in my lap. Smiling shyly as he holds onto my shoulder.

“What?”

“I won’t be able to sleep tonight.”

I raise my eyebrows. “You better not keep me up.”

“Oh yeah, you should call Uruha.”

“Hmm, why?”

“I think he wants to apologize or something.”

“Okay, get up and I’ll call him.”

Ruki

I get off of him and sit on the end of the couch. He opens his phone and stands up. Dialing and disappearing into his room. I’m curious to see what they’re talking about. This is my fault. My stomach starts to hurt. I really hope they don’t fight.

I need a smoke. My cigarettes are in our room on the side table. I stand up.

“Hey, Reita.”

I walk into the room and go to the table.

“I left my cigarettes.”

He’s sitting on the bed, I can’t read his expression.

I grab my cigarettes and leave quickly. I’m really hoping they won’t fight. I know if they fight Reita will get mad at me. I can’t stand it if he yells at me. Going out on the balcony, I start to smoke.

Quite a bit of cigarettes later, I get too warm. The heat is unbearable this time of year. So I retreat back inside feeling nervous about how Reita is feeling. I leave the pack on the coffee table and go to the kitchen to grab some water.

Sitting at the table, I let the cool water soothe my throat.

“Ruki,”

I look up to see Reita coming in the kitchen. He hugs my shoulders. He moves back I stand up. I move towards him.

He hugs me tightly, my face slipping into his neck. He just holds me for a bit.

“Rei, what’s going on?” I mumble into his neck.

He moves back. “What?”

I repeat myself.

“We had a talk. Things are going good.”

He kisses me, I feel relieved.

“And you’re not a slut or whore. I’m so sorry.”

I suddenly feel very awkward.

“Uh ok, you too.”

“You called me those things?” he asks surprised.

I smile at him. He moves back.

“Are you hungry, Ruki?”

I look at him disapproving

“You always ask that because you want me to cook.”

My butt is groped.

“You can cook something up real quick.”

“I can call up somewhere real quick.”

He kisses my cheek.

“Get whatever you want,” he says as he goes to the couch to watch TV.

“Reita!”

“What?”

“You could order.”

“No, I’m busy.”

“Reita!”

I go in the room and join him on the couch. Kneeling next to him.

“Come on, Rei you can order.”

I hold the phone out. He pushes my hand away.

“At least get a menu for me.”

I move closer and press my lips on his. His mouth opens and I suck on his lip, licking it. His arms warp around me pulling me into his lap. I kiss him eagerly. After a second, I move back and just stare at him. I sit in his lap and lean my head on his shoulder. The phone still in my hand. He grabs it.

“I’ll order something, okay?”

I sigh as he says it like it’s been his idea all along. I get off and sit next to him. He’s dialing so I take the remote. I flip though trying to finds something I like. Going a little quicker when I see sports. Not wanting him to notice and asks me to stop.

A hand snakes in between my legs.

“Hey!”

I whack his hand with the remote.

“Ow…” he shakes his hand.

“Why don’t you run up to the convenient store and grab us some drinks?”

“What? Do you want a can of beer?”

“Nevermind.”

“It’s just next store, I could go.”

He ruffles my hair.

“Your hair is a mess and you still have sheet imprints on your face.

“Really?”

He laughs.

“I need to get up and run around. I feel crazy after that nap.”

“That’s cause you are baby,”

I think we agreed not to hit each other, but that’s it. I slap his head.

“Shut-up!”

He grabs my wrist.

“Hey!”

I pull back and he grabs the other one.

“I’ve got you.”

I struggle against him, “let go.”

He moves closer and licks my face.

“Ew…”

My face is licked all over.

“Ugh,” I stick my tongue out in disgust. He kisses me full on. His tongue roaming my mouth. I move back and spit down my chin.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asks me.

I’m struggling again. “Let go of me!”

He lets go of me, I run into the bathroom and shut the door. My face feels gross; I rinse it in the sink. Then dry it off.

What’s wrong with Reita? That was inappropriate and not very attractive. My face isn’t a popsicle. I sit on the ground. My legs outstretched and bent at the knee. The towel across my legs, I bend my body and rest my face in it. I’m too stressed to deal with things properly.

I scream into the towel. Reita knocks something over or bangs into something. Who knows? I can’t help it as I start crying. Maybe it’s the long nap and the fact that I’m falling behind. Lyrics aren’t done, designs aren’t done. They’ll keep making more songs.

I roll onto my side, clutching the towel in my hand. Reita opens the bathroom door.

“Hey…” he says staring at me.

I roll on my back and try to calm my breathing.

“Ruki, I’m so sorry.”

He comes closer and kneels by me.

“Are you okay?”

I nod weakly at him.

“Really?”

He grabs the towel and wipes my face.

“Just leave, Reita. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

He grunts and stands up, staring at me frustrated for a minute.

“I’m sorry, okay?” I cry out at him. Yet again shoving my face into the towel.

“What are you talking about?”

I stare up at him.

“Get up and stop this.”

I stand up and move closer to him. He hugs me.

“Just don’t think about it.”

There’s too much going on in my head. I move back and wipe my face again. Reita’s arm slides around my waist.

“I just can’t stop crying.”

“It’s okay. I’m here with you.”

“Thank you.”

He kisses my forehead.

“Just calm down, okay?”

I set the towel down on the counter and pull Reita out of the bathroom.

AN: I’m really busy with school I’m surprised I had time for this. I feel like I’m doing school work all day and I’m still behind. I feel a little crazy; I thought I heard Cicada faintly when I was typing this. Then a few minutes ago the TV sounded like it was playing Illuminati for a couple seconds. That would be really weird if it was.

Top of the World 14/18

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 23:44:35 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Reita

I wake up to Ruki nudging my shoulder. I sit up quickly.

“Shit, I didn’t oversleep, did I?”

He shakes his mop of blonde hair.

“No, I got up early so I could shower too. I’m going with you today.”

“To work? Are you up to singing?”

He gets off the bed so I can get out.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

I stand up and run my hand though my hair.

“You’re not wearing any clothes,” he says before leaving the room.

I shake my head, confused by what Ruki had just said.

Ruki

There’s no reason to be worried about going back to work. I can’t shake the nervousness at all. I’m used to being at home and just seeing Reita. My cereal is starting to get soggy so I begin to eat quicker.

Reita comes in the kitchen completely dressed but his hair is still wet.

“You should dry your hair.”

“Didn’t you make me anything for breakfast?” he asks as he rubs my head.

“It’s just cereal, I think you can manage.”

He laughs and goes out of the kitchen again.

I felt nervous during the car ride. Reita is quiet though and he keeps the music loud. I’m bombarded by people when I come in. Reita just leaves me behind. As the other ps company band members come up to hug me and ask how I’m feeling.

It’s embarrassing that everyone knows and I don’t want all this attention. I’m feeling emotional since everyone seems so genuinely concerned. Tears are forming in my eyes. “Where’s Reita,” I think, really wanting to just get away for a second.

Miyavi is at the end to hug me and he picks me up. He holds me like a child and carries me to the Gazette practice room.

“We’ve all been worried, even if we couldn’t make it to the hospital.”

This walk seems a little longer with Miyavi carrying me.

“Don’t worry about the article. The company threatened to sue if they didn’t take it off the shelf.”

My eyes go wide. “What article?”

“Oh you don’t know? It’s better if you don’t.”

Before I can inquire any further, he drops me off in front of the practice room and disappears.

I sigh before going inside, deciding that it’s better not to ask. I’m hugged more by all of my band mates. The hugs have been a little too forceful. My stomach is feeling sore. Reita is looking at me concerned before I sit down.

At the beginning of practice we discuss the itinerary for the day. What songs we feel need work, and our schedule.

“Do you want to stay the whole day?” Kai asks me.

“I plan to, but if I start to feel unwell, can Reita take me home?”

“Yeah, that’s cool,” he writes something down and pauses to think.

He gets up suddenly, and looks around almost horrified.

“We’re supposed to be in a meeting right now.”

Just a few minutes after gathering things our stuff and running across the building, we’re coming back to our room. Kai always does this. He messes up the meeting time and causes us to run around the building. I think he really gets entertainment out of it.

We all sit down, “in an hour okay?” and he writes it in his book.

Reita is looking over at me. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” I nod, my breathing still a little labored.

I’m glad to be able to get off by myself. There’s a break so I head off to the break room. Relaxing on the couch as the fan blows cool air on me. My eyes close and I’m comfortable.

After a quick nap, I look around the table for a magazine. My face catches my eye. Yeah, it’s strange, but typically we have magazines with us on them. I yawn before picking up the magazine.

My eyes lazily read the title. What is says shocks me so much that I have to read it again. My hands go cold and I feel weak. The magazine shakes as I hold it.

Gazette’s Vocalist’s Botched Suicide Attempt.

There are too many thoughts at once. No one was supposed to know. I feel like screaming. How dare someone publish this? My stomach twists and I think I might throw up.

It’s a few minutes where my mind is racing and I just don’t move. This is bad, really bad. I stand up, knowing it doesn’t mater if I destroy this copy. I don’t even bother to read the article. Maybe it would hurt less if it were a lie. It’s true though and that’s what hurts the most.

I pull my lighter from my pocket and hold out the magazine. I light the corner and watch it burn. I drop it because the floors in here are just painted cement. I watch it until it burns out.

It’s expected when Reita burst in the room.

“Ruki, I’ve been… What’s that smell?” he looks down. “What are you burning?”

“Who the fuck would tell that information to a reporter?”

Instantly, he understands what’s going on here.

“There was a copy in here? The company is suing the magazine everything has been pulled from the shelf.”

I take a step back, this is too much. My body falls back into the couch.

“Reita…”

He sits down next to me and pulls me to his chest. I cry into his shoulder feeling embarrassed and hurt. I don’t want people to assume things because of that. He rubs my head.

“Don’t worry. I’m here for you.”

Just a few minutes and I started to feel numb, but I had stopped crying. I wipe my eyes and Reita watches me patiently. He rubs my knee.

“We’ll go home, you need rest.”

Reita

I watch Ruki waiting until he seems okay. Until his eyes seem less red and puffy. I’m worried about him. This might be too much stress for him. I hold his leg, my mind wandering.

I was so angry when I walked in the convenience store to pick things up before visiting Ruki. There were quite a few copies lining the magazine rack. I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing the magazine and looking inside. I t made me sick, I couldn’t contain my anger. I ripped the magazine in half and threw it on the ground.

The store attendant stared at me wide-eyed. I grabbed the magazine stack and knocked it over. I didn’t make it to see Ruki that night. My stunt got me arrested for the night. Thankfully, I didn’t have to stay long.

I hand Ruki the keys when we’re outside the practice room.

“Go get in the car, okay?”

It’s better if he waits there when I explain to them that Ruki isn’t well. Explain how he found the copy of the magazine. I’m so angry there was a copy lying around. I have to take him home, so he can rest.

It’s odd when we get home. I’m not sure what to do. Ruki is really quiet. He puts his stuff way and goes in the kitchen.

“Do you want lunch?” he asks.

I go into the kitchen. “Lunch sounds good.”

“Are you okay?” I ask as I sit at the table.

“I…I just need to not think about it.”

He’s getting things out for lunch as the doorbell rings. He looks at me surprised.

“Who could be here?”

He goes to the door and I watch from around the kitchen. There’s a man delivering flowers.

“You have the wrong place,” he says immediately.

“Oh no,” the guy says and he validates the address. After going back and forth, Ruki finally takes the flowers.

“They’re from your lover,” the guy comments.

Ruki shuts the door and I slip back into the kitchen.

“Who was there?”

He doesn’t answer and I go out to see him reading the card.

“Someone sent you flowers?”

He looks up immediately and moves the flowers away. His face is apprehensive and he doesn’t say anything. I move closer to look at them.

“Who would want to send you flowers?”

“I don’t know, but they’re pretty and they smell good.”

I move closer to smell the red roses.

“They do,” I smile at him.

“Ruki…”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know who it’s from. You’re not mad are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Reita! It’s not my fault.”

I laugh at him.

“Ruki, I sent them to you.”

“You…” he stamps off into the kitchen and lays them by the sink.

“You should have said something. I was creeped out”

I watch him unwrap the roses.

“It was funny to see your reaction.”

He turns the water on and starts to cut the stems under the water.

“It’s not funny Reita. Maybe I won’t make you lunch.”

I ignore his attitude and move up behind him, letting my arm slip around him.

“You like them, though?”

I kiss his neck and he tilts his head trying to push me away. He’s almost done cutting them.

“Go get me the vase.”

I sigh and go off to grab one from the closet. He’s smiling when I get back. He looks so happy as he puts the flowers in and sets them on the table. He fusses with it trying to set it on there just right. I don’t expect it as he runs towards me and wraps his arms around. Up on his tiptoes he kisses more forcefully.

I hold him letting my hand rub his back.

“I really like it,” he says as he moves back to take a breath. “I’m a guy and I don’t particularly like flowers but I like that you tried.”

I hold him tightly and take in his scent. “I love you.”

“Thank you. I really needed that today.”

We stand there for a bit.

“What do you want to eat?” he asks.

“I’ll eat whatever you make, honey.”

He snuggles into my neck. I give him another tight squeeze before moving back.

“Your hair is really pretty, you know.”

”I’m not a girl.”

“You know what I mean.”

He sighs and opens the fridge.

We settle down together that night. Ruki lying on his back on the bed. Me on my stomach staring at him. I think about it while we’re on the bed.

“Your stitches are healing up well?”

“Pretty well.”

“Can I…see?”

He looks over at me before slipping off his boxers.

Such a long time it’s been since he’s spread his legs like this before me. I stare at the nasty black stitches and the red puckered skin.

“Does it hurt anymore?” I ask sitting up and grab his boxers.

“Yes, it’s very painful,” he says.

“I really wish you didn’t have to be in pain right now.”

He puts his boxers back on and goes under the sheets.

He stares up at me quiet. When I lay down he moves to lie on my chest.

“Hey babe,” I say.

He sighs and I wonder what he’s thinking. His fingers tease on my skin lightly. I sigh too and run my hand though his hair.

“I’m so embarrassed,” he admits.

I move his chin so he’s looking at me.

“It will blow over. People will forget.”

He frowns and looks at me hopeful but it fades.

“Of course you say that. You have to. But it isn’t true.”

“Don’t be so down on yourself.”

His eyes close, “it won’t be okay.”

“Ruki, listen. Whatever you go though, just realize that I’m here and you won’t be alone.”

I don’t know if it makes him feel better but it’s the best I can do.

“Come on, Baby. Lay on your stomach. I massage your back. It will help you calm down.”

Top of the World 13/18

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 17:19:01 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Reita

It’s a little strange having Ruki home again. He’s not completely healed but getting better. I know it’s driving him crazy. The doctors sent us home with a long list of ‘do nots’.

Ruki is on the couch lying down. He’s tired and in pain. It’s not constant, but certain movements trigger it. I’ve taken care of the laundry and cleaned the house for him. There wasn’t much of a choice, not after he screamed in pain and had to stay hunched over afraid to move in the middle of dusting.

I kneel in front of him watching him sleep. His eyes open, “I’m not asleep.”

My head rests on my arm. I let my hand slide up his shirt onto his belly. He looks at me as I gently rub his warm skin.

“Will you get me a popsicle?” he asks.

“Sure, what flavor?”

He looks at the ceiling thinking, “purple, wait no, green.”

“Green?” I ask as I stand up.

Going in the kitchen I think about yesterday. Ruki stayed while I went into practice. He has medicated suckers with pain medication. I smile opening the fridge; he’s such a kid asking for a green flavored popsicle.

I came home to find him asleep on the couch. Sucker in his hand dangling off the couch. His dog hungrily licking the sucker. I took it from the dog and woke him up. He swears he was only asleep for five minutes. I watch the dog cautiously, she seems alright.

I go back in the room and hand him the popsicle. He opens it and it’s one of the double ones you break apart. So he breaks it and hands me the other half. I sit on the couch with him to eat. He has his legs bent and his shirt pushed up slightly. I push it up more and rub my cold Popsicle across his stomach.

“Don’t,” he whines.

I sit up and continue eating. He pushes his shirt down.

“Go get the bag of frozen peas.”

I go to the kitchen; the frozen peas numb the pain a bit if we place it on his stomach. I wrap it in a dishtowel and give it to him.

After we eat, I look over to see he’s looking bored; we can’t do what we used to get rid of boredom.

“Rei,” I look over.

“I enjoyed watching you suck on that.”

“I bet you did, pervert,” I snap back at him.

He laughs and his hand slides down to his pants.

“You know what I want.”

I take the frozen peas from and go back into the kitchen. It’s out when I return and he’s looking at me expectantly. I pull his pants down.

I slip my ice cold mouth over his penis. He groans, “your mouth is cold.”

I suck harder taking him in all the way. He squeals.

“Too cold…”

My mouth seriously is like ice, he squirms around and pants. Randomly he complains about the cold, my mouth taking too long to warm up. I move back but cut keep my mouth close.

“Ru, are you okay?”

“Akira,” he jerks his penis up and hits my nose.

“I’m, I’m gonna…” he turns his head to the side.

I have enough time to cover my face with my hand before he comes all over it. I move my hand away and look at it disgusted.

“Ruki!”

“It’s too cold,” he explains still trying to calm his breathing.

I didn’t get what he meant until I saw that he was still shivering. Even though he’s had all those blood transfusions, his body temperature is still abnormal. He’s always gotten cold easily, but he’s more sensitive now.

“Get up; I’ll fix you a bath.”

In the bathroom I clean off my hand. Then the tub is being filled with water. He sits on the ground waiting for me. Soon we’re in the tub together. Me against the back, my legs spread and reaching to the end of our tub. He’s sitting sideways in between my feet, his legs curled up.

“Takappi,” I say going back to his childhood nickname. In a way I need him to be that kid again. The kid Uruha and I threw worms at and peed on until he cried. Kids are mean. We thought he liked Uruha’s cousin, Chihiro and Uruha didn’t like that. So we teased him.

It’s strange how we got to this point being lovers. Maybe he liked the look of my penis as I was pissing on him. Awful, I know.

I remember seeing him in the office one day, after we assaulted him. Sitting in his pissy clothes. I saw him every passing hour. It wasn’t until the last hour of the day that I saw a police officer coming in. I thought he had finally told and that we would be arrested. Kids are so ignorant like that.

I watch from around the crowd walking by. The man goes in there with a bag of clothes and takes Ruki to the bathroom and I assume he helps him change. The boy is crying when he comes out of the room. We never did anything to him after that. It’s strange how resilient kids can be. In a few years we became friends, and that police officer that came in was his father.

He looks over at me.

“Aki?”

“Come over here, lay with me.”

He crawls over to me, our faces inches apart before he turns around. He sits in my lap. My arms go around him. His eyes close and I close mine. Letting myself relax in the warm water. He feels warm and slick; I let my hands slide up and down his stomach.

I wake up with a jolt, realizing that I’ve been asleep. I sit up to see Ruki has slipped down under the water. I pull him up.

“Ruki, Ruki wake up.”

His eyes open and he looks at me before saying with much attitude.

“What?”

“You were under the water for a second, are you okay?”

“What? Really?”

“I woke up and you were submerged.”

He sits up and looks around.

“Well, I’m okay now.”

He stands up and water drips off of him rapidly.

“I’m getting out,” he announces and I follow him. Pulling up the drain before we get out.

“Your dvd came in the mail; do you want to watch it?”

I dry myself off, “how do you know it’s a dvd?”

“Oh, I opened it,” he says smirking at me.

“Ruki! That’s my mail.”

“I was curious.”

I leave the bathroom and I hear him moving behind me to turn off the light.

After dressing, I sit on the couch. Ruki brings the dvd to me and sits next to me. I rip off the plastic around it and open the case. I sigh as I get up to put it in the dvd player. When I get back to the couch, I lay down feeling tired from the day. Ruki is sitting curled up by my feet.

I shove my key in to unlock the door. I frown as it doesn’t open. I got to undo the deadbolt. Finally I can open it. I go inside, kick my shoes off.

“Ruki, I’m home.”

But nothing from him so I venture in further to see if he’s asleep. It scared the shit out of me as he jumps out of the kitchen, almost into me.

“Reita.”

“Ruki, don’t do that.”

He is staring at me with a towel in his hand.

“No welcome home?”

He looks down and bites his lip. I move to hug him and he jerks back out of my arms.

“Ruki?”

He takes a few steps back.

“We don’t do that anymore? Greet each other? We’re Japanese that’s what we do when we came home. Maybe not the hugging and kissing but still.”

“Welcome home,” he says softly before slipping in the kitchen.

“Ruki, what’s wrong?”

I see him wiping his eyes.

“Ruki, is something wrong?”

“No…”

He’s crying, I can tell. I set my wallet on the side table.

“Reita, don’t put it there.”

I pick it up and take it to the room.

I walk back into the kitchen.

“Ruki…”

He turns towards me and I can’t look at his sad face. His arms are across his stomach.

“It hurts, Reita.”

I hug him.

“And I’m lonely all day.”

I’ve been gone since seven, almost ten hours. I kiss his forehead. Not saying anything just holding him as he cries. He begins to calm down. I pick him up and he stiffens until he feels steady in my arms. He wraps his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck.

“You’re so light, Ruki.”

I carry him into the bathroom and drop him by the Kleenex box. He wipes his eyes before blowing his nose.

“Why does you nose have to do that when you’re crying?”

“I don’t know,” I tell him as he washes his hands.

I seriously wonder if Ruki is okay. What stops him from doing it again?

“Are you alright now?” I tease.

“I made dinner,” he says as we go back to the kitchen. He sits at the table. “Why don’t you serve it?”

I carry the bowls to the table, and then go for the plates. I spoon food into his plate.

“Is this enough?”

He nods and I fix my plate.

“I made miso soup too.”

So I go to spoon out a couple bowls of it. Finally I bring us glasses of water and I can sit down to eat.

“Thank you,” he says.

“Thank you for making it.”

He’s exhausted after dinner; everything is such a strain on his body. So I clean the kitchen the best I can. Truthfully, I don’t know where half of this stuff goes. So I just guess and put it in a spot that seems right.

I seem to have forgotten how long it takes to clean up a kitchen. The day is basically over when I finish. I’ll go to bed in a couple hours. When I finish, I can’t find Ruki right away.

The bedroom door is closed and I assume he’s in bed. It’s late, so I go in the bathroom to get ready for bed. The shower is wet and Ruki must have already showered. I like knowing that there’s someone else in the apartment. It was getting lonely.

I crawl into the bed; the satin sheets are cold and inviting. Ruki is tucked under them lying on his back. My body slithers up to his and I kiss his unresponsive lips before laying my head on his chest.

He breaths in loudly and groans as his hand goes in my hair.

“You always do that Aki.”

“Kiss you good night?”

“You kiss me when I’m sleeping?!”

I laugh, “It’s just a little bit.”

He’s still looking at me disapproving.

“It’s not like I stick my tongue in your mouth or kiss you all over.”

He sighs, “Aki, you always wake me up.”

I close my eyes.

My hand wanders and then I start laughing.

“Ruki, you’re naked.”

“I have a shirt on. The underwear just isn’t very comfortable right now. It presses on my stomach too much.”

I roll onto my back. “I shouldn’t be laying on you then.”

Ruki moves over and climbs onto my chest.

“What else do you do when I’m sleeping?”

I rub his back.

“Nothing,” I say before closing my eyes again.

I wake up some time alter and see Ruki sitting up. My hand grabs his.

“Ruki?”

He turns quickly to look back at me.

“Are you alright?” I ask.

He moves onto me and kisses so passionately. Like we haven’t seen each other in years. His hand roaming my chest as I try to wake up for this.

“How long has it been since I’ve fucked you?” He whispers hotly in my ear.

I have to work in a few hours. I want to sleep, but Ruki tried to kill himself so I can’t say no. I giggle like some girl.

“You can always do it again.”

Ruki takes things slow and teases. Like a cat stalking its prey. There’s no torturous death at the end for me. This is a very good thing. His hand wanders my body each time getting closer to my sensitive areas but never touching them.

My eyes closing as he kisses the spot, his hands just touched. He makes me want it though. My body really starts to need attention. My erection growing even though he hasn’t touched it. My shirt long since discarded and he’s pulling down my boxers. Removing them fully.

His mouth doesn’t go there, he still needs to tease. He forces his tongue in my mouth as he kisses me. His hand roaming in my hair. Ruki trails off my mouth and to my cheek.

“Ruki…”

“Good things come with a little patience,” he mumbles.

It’s the middle of the night, so I’ll use my weapon.

“Ruki, hurry up, I have to work in the morning.”

He bites my shoulder.

“Aww, fuck…”

He’s turning around, straddling above my face. His dick slides in my mouth as he mouth takes in mine. Ruki sucks hard and I jerk suddenly. I try to adjust to what’s in my mouth. Moving my tongue around it. I open my eyes staring at Ruki’s butt.

My mouth tightens around him and I hear him groan against my penis. I stare shocked at those black stitches and the blood red area. My eyes close not wanting to see it. He stops sucking and his head falls in between my leg and penis. He moans loudly.

“Reita…”

He’s panting and moaning. I slap his leg a little and he slides off. He turns around and moves in between my legs, spreading them more.

He pauses for a second and reaches into his drawer. Grabbing lubricant though. Something bright yellow catches my attention. I realize he’s pulling out a condom. I feel a little offended, and confused as to when he bought them.

“I’m not dirty, Ruki. We’ve done it plenty of times…” I stop talking as he slides it over my erection. “Ruki, no, we can’t do that.”

“Reita just shut up.”

He gets it on and his mouth sucks on the head.

“I think it’s banana flavor.”

I gasp as he sucks again.

“Maybe not,” he says smacking his lips.

I’m staring apprehensively at him. He stares as he gets lube on his penis. I moan into his mouth. Things are forgotten as he thrusts into me. His rhythm varying as he lavishes my neck.

Soon, we’re changing our positions. He laughs as I turn over onto my knees.

“It’s so yellow, Aki.”

I laugh too.

“We should get a different color for you. Like pink.”

“Pink condoms? Maybe strawberry flavor. Icky.”

“Maybe, it’s watermelon, or cherry.”

“Cherry is red, and watermelon might be green. But apple might be green.”

“I’m getting bored Ruki.”

He’s in me again, getting so deep at this angle. So fast he’s thrusting into me and we’re getting so laud.

“Ruki…”

We don’t have to worry in this position about cumming anymore. The condom will catch everything. No ruining the sheets. I think he’s coming but it’s so warm inside of me I can’t tell. He lets out a deep moan and his thrust speed up before just stopping.

My head falls into the pillow as I pant. His sweaty hands rub my hips.

“Reita…”

“Baby,” I whisper as he pulls out and collapses on his stomach. I hear the Kleenex ruffling.

“Turn over,”

And I do.

I’m practically asleep as he disposes of the condom and cleans up. He snuggles up to me and I’m treading between awake and asleep. Not bothering to look at the clock. I’ll be less tired tomorrow. If I don’t know how much sleep I missed.

AN: I disappeared off to Japan for a bit with a friend. I’ve been back for a week and I’m still a little on crazy time. I had my birthday the other day too. I think I’ll get chapter 14 up Monday or Tuesday. I’m started a new fic the other day. I was asked to continue one of my older one-shots so I’ve tried.

In other news, the guy who re-ended my car was in the newspaper. He’s getting arrested for shooting his girlfriend in the head.

Top of the World 12/18

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 00:15:40 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Ruki

Finally he’s come to see me. My precious older brother. Heh, well he was the one that did exactly what my parents wanted. Went to college, got a boring job.

“Hey Tomo,”

“Hey,”

He’s so much bigger than me like my father. I guess I took after my mother. He grabs my arm gently.

“How are you feeling?”

Truthfully, I’m in horrible pain, the pain killers only numbing so much.

“A little uncomfortable but I’m pretty okay.”

“You’ve really upset mom and dad by doing this.”

I frown, “I know.”

“And to think they favored you when we were kids.”

“They didn’t.”

“They were wrapped around your finger, you could do no wrong.”

“I’m special like that.” I say smiling at him.

He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, sure.”

Tomoharuともはる

Both my parents work and since I was older a lot of the responsibility fell on me. I had to come home right after school to relieve the babysitter. She’s a few years older than me. The girl is kind of dumb and today confirms that.

She rushes out of the house as I’m going in. Saying she has somewhere to be. I set all my things down and settle in. Coming out of my room I look for my little brother.

“Hey brat, where are you?”

I freeze when I get into the living room. Taka has paint out, like the ones for refilling his easel thing. He’s supposed to use it outside. I look out the open sliding door to see that it is out there.

“Taka, what did you do?”

“I split the blue paint, so I put red on it to clean it up.”

“You did what?” I ask raising my voice in anger as I stare at the mess hoping that I’m just imagining. “You use a towel, you idiot.”

He stands up like he’s going to grab one of the old rags but he just knocks over more of the red paint.

“Stop, stop moving,” I scream at him.

And to make things worse the cat comes flying through the paint.

“Cat, outside now.”

To my relief it goes back out and I shut the door. I stare over at him, trying to figure out what to do.

I pick him up, hold him out from my body and head to the bathroom. I set him down.

“You’re in a lot of trouble, you probably ruined the floor.”

He starts crying loud since he’s a little kid.

“Take your clothes off,” I say as I turn on the water.

“No, you’re being mean.”

I grab him and do it myself.

“Get in the tub.”

He just stands there.

Sometimes you look back at something mean you did as a child and really regret it. I leave him in the bathroom and go to my parent’s room. As I’m pulling open the door, his belts clanging against it. I stare up at them and pick one out.

As soon as he sees me in the bathroom, he presses his back to the wall.

“No,” he cries.

I grab his arm and easily turn him around.

“I’m going to tell.”

“No, you’ll get in more trouble from mom and dad.”

I’m lying, they barely ever spank him. I think I got in more trouble as a kid.

I didn’t even know how hard you’re supposed to hit. I can tell right after I do it, that the hit was too hard. Taka is holding his leg up funny. I run the belt back, just dropping it on the floor.

It’s funny how little kids cry with their mouth open so wide. The water is ready so I turn it off. I pick him up and set him in the tub.

“Sit down.”

He does and I get the washcloth ready.

It goes pretty quick, he has the bathroom thing down pretty well. He’s happier during the end of the bath. Like he’s forgotten I’ve yelled at him. Dad will be home soon and I don’t want him to know.

“Tomo,”

“What?” I ask as I watch him swat at bubbles.

“It will dry?”

“What will?”

“That paint.”

Shit, I jump up quickly; I need to get that cleaned up.

I run to the closet and grab some cleaning supplies.

“Taka…”

“What?”

“Do me a favor; sing a song loudly for me.”

He should be old enough to not drown, but I tell him anyways. If I can hear the singing I know he’s okay. Mom likes singing and she taught us many children songs.

The paint is awful, it’s taking so long. I’m getting nervous that my dad will be home soon. Ruki is starting to squeal from the bathroom that he wants out. I yell at him to stay in. I know he’ll get out and get water everywhere. To add to it, the cat’s back at the door crying.

It’s finally done and I’m helping him out of the bath.

“Can I pull out the drain?” he asks.

“Sure.”

I’m glad everything is back in place. My father is almost home. Ruki is out in the yard playing.

I step out in the hot sun, shielding above my eyes with my hand. I find him chasing the cat through the garden.

“Hey you, stop.”

He turns and looks at me.

“Get over here.”

Taka runs over and I frown seeing he’s taken his shoes off. His feet are covered in dirt.

“What’s wrong with you? Where are your shoes?”

His little mouth forms and ‘o’ and he sticks his fat finger in. His eyes look around.

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know?”

He looks up at me.

“にいちゃん* will you find them for me?”

*- Niichan, a variant of older brother.

“We’ll rinse your feet off first.”

I walk him over to the hose.

“No, it’s cold,” he whines turning away.

He’s a brat, right after I do it he starts crying and screaming. I ignore him and start to walk around our small yard to find his shoes. I turn back I hear the door slam, afraid for a second that my father is coming out. He wouldn’t be happy that I made Ruki cry. But it’s just Ruki running back in.

I find his shoes and bring them inside. The house is so chilly compared to outside.

“Taka!”

He runs back in and I hold his shoes out.

“Put them away.”

He takes them and disappears into his room. I sigh as my eyes fall on my book bag. Soon, I’m on the couch reading my school book. Taka is on my back almost. Harassing me when I stop reading to him to answer my questions. He’s curious about what it says.

“Taka, be quiet, you talk too much.”

He runs off the couch and around the room.

“You should read Doraemon.”

“Taka, go play in your room.”

What happened to that hyper kid? I guess Ruki is just annoying now.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks me.

I look back at him. That crazy blonde hair is all messy.

“I was remembering what an annoying kid you were.”

“Why?”

I look at the things he’s hooked up to.

“Can I hug you?”

He sits up and holds his arms out. I hug him tightly and think about how long it’s been since I’ve last done it.

“I love you おとうと*.”

*-otouto younger brother

“にいちゃん(niichan) I love you too.”

It was weird being so much older than Ruki, always having the responsibility of watching him. This was why I wasn’t totally surprised when he showed up on the porch crying that Dad had disowned him, told him to pack his shit and get out.

Ruki refused to go to college and he had these crazy dreams of becoming a rock star. I’m surprised today at how successful he is at just that. He’s so much braver than me. I did what my parents told me to do while he was free spirit.

I had only been married a few years at the time. No children yet. We just had a decent apartment with two bedrooms. Ruki occupying our second room. He wasn’t bad; he’s a pretty respectful kid. He kept his room clean and didn’t mess up the house. He’d get the mail and answer the phone. The problem is the girlfriend he had at the time.

I don’t know how many times he did it. But I caught him having sex with a girl in his room. He must have been sneaking her in often.

I had woken up and heard noise from his room. Opening his door, I saw my skinny little brother fucking some girl. Not saying anything I wait in the hallway for them to be done.

He looked scared to death when he saw me as he came out of the room. He tries to hide the girl, pushing her back in the room.

“Taka I know.”

I look sternly at him.

“You get back in bed. I’ll take your friend home.”

“No, I’ll take her.”

I look at he girl and she quickly get out of the room.

“Get in your bed,” I warn him.

“I don’t have to listen to you, I’m eighteen.”

My hand grabs his shirt, jerking him up roughly.

“You will listen to me. This is my house.”

I throw him back.

“You do what you’re told. You’re lucky I let you stay another night.”

I grab the girl’s arm turning to leave. I point at him.

“You’re going to mom and dad’s or somewhere. You can’t stay with me.”

He’s sitting up in his bed with the light on, door open, just crying, when I arrive home. I stand in his doorway until he looks up.

“How can you do this? I’ll have to live on the streets.”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve told you not to bring girls home like that.”

“Why are you so mad about me having sex?”

“Because it’s disgusting. I don’t want to think about that. You’re too young.”

He looks down being quiet, so I continue.

“What if you get some girl pregnant?”

“I’m not stupid.”

I turn the light out.

“Get to bed,” I say before closing the door.

My parents agreed to pay for an apartment for him. But he had to think I was doing it as a loan for him. So we looked for one around $300 a month. The boy complained about every place.

He’s upset when I leave him in his new place. It’s cheap, the train goes right by. Everything is brought inside and I’ve helped him unpack.

“I’m leaving now,” I tell him.

“Do we have to do this?”

He’s frowning and before I speak he starts crying.

“I want to go home,” he whines.

I sigh, “I’m sorry,” and pat him on the shoulder.

“This sucks,” he says moving back and covering his face.

I know there’s no TV, phone, computer, or anything. He just has his futon and clothes. I think he wants to say something but he doesn’t stop crying. It’s hard because I want to coddle him. But it won’t help.

“Lock the door after I leave.”

“Tomo,” he follows me. “I need a phone.”

I ignore him and shut the door on my way out.

“Lock the door.”

“I want to talk to mom,” he whines.

I turn to see a boy his age. He has that nasty blonde hair too. Dressed in the way teenagers dressed then. He walks pass me right up to Taka’s door. I watch him knock.

“Ruki,”

I stay where I am, incase he’s in the wrong place.

He pulls the door open, but looks past the boy and towards me.

“Why don’t you go home?”

The boy turns around.

“Who is that?”

“My bother. Tomo, this is my band mate Reita.”

Reita waves before Taka pulls him inside and shuts the door.

Reita

I remember staying with Ruki his first night there. I came over expecting to have some fun. He’s crying his eyes out. I hug him tightly, even though I don’t know him like I do now. My back against the wall as he leans into me.

“I want to go home,” he whines.

“It will be fine, we can have fun.”

“Rei let me use your phone.”

“Huh?”

He stands up and I straighten myself.

“There’s no phone and I need to call someone.”

I pull my phone out and shove it to his chest. He looks at it before taking and going over to the futon. He lives in a small flat, just one room and a bathroom. I take my shoes off and sit on the futon across from him.

He’s calling his mom and I thought it would be quick. It wasn’t though and I kept spacing out. I notice his alarm clock finally.

“Has it really been that long since I got here?” I think to myself.

There’s nothing to do here, the place is empty. I pull out my cigarette and start to smoke.

“Ruki, do you have an ashtray?”

He gives me a look but doesn’t answer. After a minute when I’m starting to really need to ash, he slaps my leg and points to one of the cabinets. I find a plate and use it.

After another hour, I’m getting extremely bored. My cigarettes are almost gone. I didn’t have anywhere near a full pack but still. I want to take my phone back and go home.

“Ruki,” he looks at me. “Aren’t you done? I need my phone back.”

“In a minute.”

“You’ve been on for too long.”

“Give me a minute.”

“No, I think you’re done.”

I grab the phone and pull it away, hanging it up. He looks at me shocked but before he says anything I start.

“Why did you invite me over?”

He frowns and looks away. I start to feel bad realizing he must feel like no one wants to be around him right now.

“Ruki,”

He looks up at me. “I just don’t want to spend the night alone here,” he whispers.

“You’ll have to get used to it. But I’ll stay with you tonight.”

I feel dead tired as I go to the hospital. I’m spending the night with Ruki again. My gait is slow as I make my way to the room. It’s all worth it though seeing his face as he sees me. A bright smile spreads across his face.

“Reita,” he says sing-song.

I show him the bag, “I brought your things.”

The bag is set by him on the bed and I lean down to kiss him.

“You’re staying tonight?” he asks after our kiss.

“That’s the plan.”

“Thank you,” he whispers.

I kiss his cheek, “you don’t have to thank me.”

I stand up and hold onto his hand.

“What did you do today?”

He laughs.

“I’ve lay in my bed and peed in this bag,” he smiles. “And I ate some funny tasting Jell-O. Oh, have you eaten dinner?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. My mother brought some food over.”

He sighs.

“I’m worried about you being home alone. You’re not messing up things, are you?”

“Of course not. You’re lucky it’s summer and I don’t need someone to take off my jacket.”

Ruki pulls his hand away and pushes down the bed railing. He scoots over, “sit with me.”

I slip my shoes off and get on the bed with him. He goes to grab my arm but I move it around his shoulders. He lays his head on my chest. His hair is starting to smell. Not gross but you can tell it needs to be washed. He hugs my stomach and I close my eyes enjoying his company.

I wake to Ruki slapping my stomach.

“Get up,” he whines.

I open my eyes, “Hmm…”

“The nurse is in the room, get off the bed.”

I take a few minutes to wake up before getting off the bed. I need a cigarette, I hope he doesn’t mind.

“I’ll be back sweetie,” I say leaving the room.

He’s all smiles when I come back, staring up at me.

“You smell like cigarettes.” He takes a deep breath. “I want one.”

I raise my brows, “you want me to take you out in your gown and a wheel chair to smoke?”

He shakes his head.

“I peed in the toilet.”

I pause and it takes a second before it makes sense.

“Oh, they took it out?”

He pushes the blanket down to expose his pajamas he’s changed in to.

“I can play with it now,” he whispers.

“What?” I say watching his hand slip into the bottoms.

“Ruki…”

I watch his hand move inside. “Oh yeah…” he groans.

He probably shouldn’t be doing this. I go to this door and shut it. He pulls it out and rolls onto his side as he rubs it faster. I look away.

“Are you supposed to do that so soon after?”

“Help me,” he gasps.

I shake my head not wanting to be a part of this. It’s odd I feel embarrassed and worried that someone will walk in, like Ruki’s parents.

“Just put it in your mouth.”

“No, it’s probably not that clean.”

“What!?”

“It’s not like you get a proper shower around here.”

“Go get the nurse then, she’ll do it.”

“Shut up,” I say as I slap his naked bottom. “Ow…”

He rolls over on his back and still holds it in his hand.

“Please…”

I sigh, “your parents better not walk in.”

His hand moves away and I lean in. He moans as my mouth descends on it. Me sucking and licking as he squirms underneath me. Loud noises escaping his mouth. Probably making a nurse passing by wonder if she should come in to check or stay away.

He comes in my mouth and it’s absolutely disgusting. I move back and spit it in the garbage.

“That tasted disgusting. Oh my god.”

Ruki is pulling his boxers back up.

“What do you mean?”

“Like medicine and something weird.”

He looks down, “I’m sorry.”

I sigh, “do you want to watch TV?”

He smiles, “hey they have satellite here, can you believe it?”

I disappear to brush my teeth. When I get back, he’s made a space for me on the bed.

“I don’t want to watch TV in English,” I say as I sit down.

“Not even just one show?”

I put my arm around him and pull him close.

“You can’t even understand them.”

“Shh, yes I can.”

I guess I didn’t really mind. I space and stare over at Ruki. He glances over at m as he feels my eyes on him. He kisses me and his hand goes into my hair. I’m surprised but I keep kissing him. Some of the tubes hooked to him are getting in the way. The kiss breaks and he puts his head on my chest.

“I want to start over,” I say.

He lets out a croak and doesn’t move. I rub my hand though his hair.

He looks back at the TV, “aren’t we always starting over?”

“I’m sorry.”

I watch him stare intensely at nothing, as I rub his stomach.

“Rei, wait no because this is serious, Aki…Akira,” then he pauses and thinks. After a minute he bites his lip.

“Why not, just saying nothing can be worse than this. I’m a fucking idiot, your sad puppy. And every time you abuse me, debase me, Akira, I crawl right back. We should have ended this after you tortured me that night.”

“I don’t know the fucking point,” he screams and suddenly he’s facing me, his hands grab my arms and his fingers press hard.

“Get up, Reita, get up.”

I’m lifted into a seating position and he slams my back into the railing. Again and again. At first I thought it was better than crashing into the hard floor, but it doesn’t stop.

“Ruki, stop it!”

He does but his grip doesn’t loosen.

“The point is, does it fucking matter? You always know I will come back.”

He lets go and slams his open hands onto my chest, repeatedly. I won’t hit him back. Have I become a monster? I’ve treated him awful for quite some time

“So there is no choice. It just starts over, we’re in some,” the hits become closed fisted and I shake his rings slamming so hard into my skin each time.

“Whirlwind…” he trails off and I stop listening.

Soon he’s hitting my face. My eyes close and I cry.

I can’t take it; I glance quickly deciding against grabbing his arms. I worry about the IV. So I just grab his stomach and push him back.

“Ruki, stop this.”

He stops and looks down at himself. I let my guard down and look over. Surprisingly, his IVs are just fine they didn’t seem to get jerked around.

“Aki, I still love you. I just needed to get that out. Start over, right?”

I pull him to me gently as I mind his fragile condition.

“For every time I’ve hit you, I deserve that.”

Sometimes your role is the rabbit. *

“Let’s make a promise, okay?”

He’s so tight against me, his head in my neck.

“What kind?”

“To never hurt each other, physically, to never call each other hurtful names.”

“I promise,” he says.

“I promise.”

He stays there in my arms.

“Don’t cry Aki,” he says softly.

*- If you watch the movie, “Noriko’s dinner table”, the rabbit/lion concept it explained.

-I haven’t had internet for a while so I couldn’t update. Plus I work full time so it’s hard to find the time to update.

Top of the World 11/18

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 02:39:36 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Author’s note: I made up his parents name. Hidemi is his mother. I partied with a girl named Hidemi and I think it’s a cool sounding name. Ken is his father, and it’s the name of someone else I party with.

ひでみ (hidemi)

We were in the middle of dinner when the call came. Things were dropped and forgotten. It was from Ruki’s very upset lover telling us, “Ruki’s in the hospital. You should come.” My son is gay, he confessed to me one day, looking at me like I would hate him. I’m sure that is what society tells me to do. The responsibility of being a mother is more important than that. We don’t tell my husband, whose has just recently started mending their relationship.

I know this hospital well. So much of my life was spent here. Until recently, I was a nurse. Now I’m a retired one. I hate to come back here to see my son dying in some bed. My mind riddled with scary images of mangled bodies being pulled from a car or much worse things.

We’re sent to a family waiting room and his band mates are already there. My other son hasn’t made it in yet. Reita is crying so much and the others seem hesitant to talk. Kai takes us aside and his words break my heart.

“We think Ruki tried to kill himself.”

“What? With what? How?” I ask, trying to gauge how bad of a condition he is in.

The boy looks disturbed like he can’t say it.

“He stabbed himself repetitively,”

I gasp.

“Inside his…”

When he finishes, I realize why it was so hard to say.

“I’m going to go talk to a doctor or nurse,” I say quickly leaving the room.

I go in with Reita and my husband. All the familiar sounds of a hospital room hit me, the lazy hum of and rhythmic clicking of the machines. He looks so small in the white bed. Reita goes to him first and we go the other side. We all just stare down at him.

“He’s tired from the surgery,” I tell them.

Reita wipes hair from his face. “Ruki, what were you thinking?”

I remember what a sweet child he was. He was so tiny when he was born. It wasn’t my first baby but I was nervous all over again. I had so much fun playing with him. His baby soft skin and the way he smelled of baby powder. They’re so fun at that age, playing peek-a-boo is actually exciting for them.

He sliced right through is bladder and colon you know, introducing toxins all over his body. I’m sure he’s high on antibiotics and pain killers. He was never really good with human anatomy. At some point we had really hoped that he would be a doctor. He showed potential.

I’d get so frustrated helping him study. At some points I was really mean about it. It would be late, sitting at a dim kitchen table, me about to lose my temper and him frustrated to tears. I just wanted the best for him.

His mind really changed in high school. He didn’t want to go to cram school and he had decided college wasn’t for him. Instead of confessing to us, he just skipped cram school while we were still footing the expensive bill. The phone calls kept getting missed because both of us having jobs where we aren’t really available for phone calls. One day though, my husband found out.

I knew something was wrong the minute I got in the house. I hear the sound of someone being slammed into the ground and screaming. My shoes are barely off as I start running towards it. His father is so much bigger than him. I’m screaming at him to stop. I’m yelling for Tomoharu, my eldest son, to make him stop. He watches me form the hallway not doing anything.

“Mom, what do you want me to do?” he yells.

Ken stops finally, throwing the belt into the wall. He steps over him and walks towards me.

“What’s going on?” I ask as our eyes meet.

He just walks past.

“I’m not going to deal with him wasting my money.”

I look over at Ruki, seeing his red tear strained face as he looks up. He’s probably scared to death; his father has barely spanked him his whole life. He gets on his feet and runs off into his room. I knock on his door.

“Takanori, are you okay?’

“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” he yells.

I watch his face waiting for him to wake up. He looks sickly, his skin too pale. I look up at my husband.

“He probably won’t be up tonight. Let’s come back in the morning.”

We kiss him goodbye and leave.

Reita

I pull up a chair and sit by his bed. My hand slips under to grab his hand. The ice cold hand shocks me.

“Are you cold?” I say rubbing his hand. How can he be that tired?

He grips my hand and I wonder how much Ruki is there.

“What were you thinking? You could have died.”

I swear I watched him for hours until he finally stirred. Almost midnight, those big brown eyes pop open suddenly and he seems scared.

“Rei, where am I?”

His face falls and his cold hand goes to cover his mouth.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Ruki,” I don’t know what to say right now. I don’t want to be angry with him.

“Only you have visited?”

“Of course not. Your parents were here, the band. You’ve been out for a while.”

“Really?”

He looks down at the blanket

“You look tired,” he comments.

“I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

He starts looking around the room.

“What’s wrong?”

“The time?” he asks.

“Oh, it’s late baby. Almost midnight.”

“Go home, Reita,” he says.

I kiss his forehead, “I’ll stay here with you.”

“No, you need your sleep.”

I probably should, they’ve already tried to get me to go home. Some of them even went back to the apartment to clean up the bathroom. Stating it would be too cruel for me to do it.

“Rei…”

I look back down at him.

“Hmm…”

He licks his lips and I move closer to kiss him. His mouth opens and our tongues mingle. His tongue so soft and sweet. I press harder, needing him. The fear that he could have died hitting me hard. I lean on him, kissing him hard enough to hurt his lips.

The tears flow from my eyes. Was Ruki really that sad? Where would my life be without him? He must feel the tears on his face, he turns away.

“Rei,”

I press my head into the pillow next to him and just cry.

“Reita…..Reita,” he says and it sounds like he’s crying too.

I try to hold all of my anger back. Just keep my head next to him.

“I love you, you know that?” I say as I kiss his neck.

“I love you,” he whispers.

I move back and look at him.

My fist slam into the bed, shaking it violently, his eyes jerk up.

“Then why the hell did you do that? Throw everything away. Kill yourself. Didn’t I love you enough?”

“Rei…I wasn’t…”

I slap his face, not hard enough since he’s in a hospital bed.

He stares at me, “I deserve that,” but his attitude quickly changes. “Why are you so angry? You’re always so angry.”

“I, Ruki I’d take everything back.”

“You don’t want to try. You don’t love me. Why are you even here? I saw your notes, how do I know you won’t leave?”

“I didn’t realize how much you meant to me until I pulled you out of the tub thinking you were dead.”

“It shouldn’t take that much.”

I turn away and wipe my tears. “I don’t know what you want.”

He grabs my hand.

“Reita.”

“Are you depressed Ruki? What’s going on?”

“Look at me.”

I turn back towards him. And looking at his face I realize that he’s still sick. He almost bled to death.

“Ruki baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t get you upset.”

I hug him.

“Don’t think about it right now. Just get better, okay?”

I move back,

“Are you cold? Do you need more blankets? Do you want food or some water?”

“I’m fine, but” he lifts up his blanket and plays with his gown.

“Okay,” he says after a minute and the blankets go back to its place.

“What?”

“I have to pee and I didn’t know if I needed help to the bathroom.”

“So?”

“I can pee here.”

“Oh,” And I move back to see the bag. “That’s gross.”

He sighs,

“I can’t feel anything right now.”

I begin to caress his stomach and jerks giggling. “Not when I’m peeing.”

I still do it but a little lighter. “It feels weird?”

He yawns and turns his head towards me.

“Sleepy?” I ask before kissing his forehead.

“Go home and sleep Reita,” he whispers.

“No, really it’s fine. I’ll stay the night with you.”

“Where will you sleep?”

I point to the bed next to his.

“I’ll be right next to you.”

“I’m not a baby, you don’t have to stay.”

I start getting ready to get in bed. “But you’re my baby.”

He smiles, “you’ll turn off the light.”

“Uh-huh.”

I wake up and light flows in my eyes. I look over to see a very private thing. The nurse is giving him a sponge bath. She hands the rag to him so he can clean his privates. I lay there watching. Soon she’s drying him off and helping him back into his clothes.

“I’ll bring you your breakfast,” she says before laving.

“Hey, Ruki,”

“Good morning, go home, shower.”

I get out of bed and dress. Disappearing in the bathroom for a few minutes before I come out.

“You’re very demanding today.”

“She’s getting me breakfast. Why don’t you go to the cafeteria?”

けん (Ken)

I wait by his bed, not sure what to say. It was just recently that we started being family again. I was worried about his choices. I realize though that he makes good money in the band. He’s not wasting his life.

“Hey son, how are you doing?”

He smiles and it’s the same smile that adorned his childhood face.

“I’ve definitely seen better days.”

“Remember when you were a kid? I’d read Doraemon to you after school?”

“Of course,” he smiles sweetly again. “And I’m not gonna lie, I still read those.”

I smile back.

“Me too, but to your niece now. Do you remember the スケジュル時計 (schedule clock sukejyuru dokei)? Poor Nobita-kun, set it to make sure he went to school. “

“But you must not break the schedule. So even though he had to pee, the watch made him go to school.”

“Because he told it he had to be in class by that time. So he ended up peeing in class.”

We both laugh even if it’s mean to laugh about.

“And the アンキパン (memory bread anki pan)? That’s funny, remember?”

“Hmm, let me think. You write what you need to memorize on it?”

“Mm hmm, but after Nobita-kun ate it he pooped it out so it didn’t work.”

“やっぱり自分で勉強しなくちゃいけないのです。*(After all you must study by yourself)” he quotes from a piece on Doraemon.

“Aw, you’ve got to love the morals that they sneak in.”

I kiss his forehead and he seems a little shocked.

“I missed you all these years.”

His happy face is immediately sad and I didn’t think it would upset him.

“It hurt but I know that my decisions were right.”

“It’s hard being a father someday you’ll understand.”

He grabs my hand and just watches me.

“Only now matters,” he says and I think he forgives me.

Reita

I’ve never ate breakfast with Ruki’s mother before. She didn’t eat, just me but she’s watching.

“You stayed the whole night?”

“Yes.”

“You should go home, sleep in your own bed.”

I nod at her.

“We’ll give you a ride home.”

I worry about being at home. It will be quiet and I’ll wonder about Ruki.

“He’ll be okay. The doctors are good.”

We go back to the room. I’m glad to see Ruki so happy with his father and I hope it lasts. I rub his head.

“Hey buddy,”

He stares for a minute.

“I’m going home. I’ll be back later in the day.”

“Can I see Reita alone for a minute?” his asks his voice sounding a little weak.

They leave the room and I kiss him. Again tasting his lips. I can feel that he’s smiling. I move and kiss his chin.

“You’ll be alright?”

“Yeah and he moves to kiss me.

I hum against his mouth. Like last night I become too forceful losing myself in it. I kiss his ear.

“How can you do this to me? I want to fuck you so bad.”

“Go home, okay? I’ll be right here.”

*yappari jibun de benkyoshinakuchaikenai no desu. I took it from the reading exercise for chapter 16 in Genki II.

Chapter 11 Interlude

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 23:49:43 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Interlude

Reita is leaving a note by the door on his way out. Going early without a word to Ruki. Just a kiss on is sleeping lips. It’s not like we have to be in the same place today. Ruki would be up in a few hours to go to a radio interview with Aoi. Reita is just planning to meet with saga. Share bass tips and bother the other members of Alice nine.

The letter was his third draft. The other two in the trash. The first one, he wasn’t sure if he felt that. It just ends with no goodbye. The next was something along the same lines but much angrier. It felt good to get it out. To write it down. But there was no way he could leave it. Thinking about being away from Ruki, thinking about just being friends hurt way too deeply. Hurt more than his cheating. In the calm moments of the morning, Reita cried.

It caused him to go back in their room to watch him and his sloppy way of sleeping. As quietly as he can he goes to him. He sits on the bed and lies by him. His arm goes around him and he kisses him once more. He doesn’t stay for long, afraid he’ll wake up. It’s barely seven am and he knows better than to do that.

That’s why the note by the door just says, ‘Good Luck with the interview sleepyhead. I’ll be back around dinner time. Love you.’ Maybe he’s just weak, not able to end it.

AN: This is the part that was supposed to start out last chapter. It was in another notebook and I totally forgot.

Chapter 11

Top of the World 10/18

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 03:44:31 GMT

Title: Top of the World

死の意味を考えたことがある? Shi no imi wo kangaeta koto ga aru?

生活の意味? Seikatsu no imi?

愛の意味? Ai no imi?

Have you ever thought about the meaning of death?

…the meaning of life?

…the meaning of love?

Ruki

The alarm goes off and this time miraculously I don’t roll over Reita to turn it off. Once wake I realize this is because he isn’t in bed. Where could he have gone this early?

“Did he have an appointment?” I say aloud.

I sit up and yawn. Another day, there’s something I have to do. My eyes fall on my laptop sitting on the dresser. I need to check my calendar. I come back to the bed with it. Waiting for it to load up I have an interview with Aoi in an hour. Why did I only leave myself an hour? I wouldn’t do that. Reita must have changed the time on the alarm. The laptop is pushed off my lap as I make a note of my evening hair appointment.

I pick up my phone and dial to Reita. It’s a second before he answers.

“Yeah,”

“Did you change the time on the alarm?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The alarm clock.”

“What about it?”

“Haven’t you been listening?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Did you change the time?”

“No…”

“Fucking bitch,” he says suddenly and the phone cuts off.

Quickly I dial back, wondering what his problem is.

“Reita?”

“Ruki, I’m trying to drive.”

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why are you driving if you don’t know?”

“You’re going to be late.”

“No thanks to you.”

“Goodbye Ruki,” he says sternly and it sounds like he’s dropped the phone.

“He’s such a bitch. Why would I care about every little problem he’s having.”

“Rei, your phone’s still on.”

Then it shuts off.

I’m almost out the door still messing in the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. I drink from the cup quickly glancing at the note Reita left. What would he be doing today? I stop as I hear a loud pounding at the door.

“Ruki, are you ready to leave?”

I grab my things and go to the entrance to slip on my shoes. I open the door.

“I didn’t know you were picking me up. I was going to take the train.”

I follow him out the door.

“I told you last night.”

“Really?” I ask not remembering.

The ride there is silent besides the radio. I feel uncomfortable like he’s still mad. My thoughts slip back to Reita’s rudeness this morning. What reason would he have to be sneaking around like that? It couldn’t be anything good not if he had someone else in the car. Who was it?

“Aoi?”

He turns the music down and glances at me. Once I have his attention, “Did Reita say anything about what he was doing today?”

The dark haired main thinks for a minute.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

I sigh.

“He snuck off early and when I called he wouldn’t tell me.”

“Reita went home with you last night?”

“Yeah,”

“It went well?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re lucky then, don’t worry about it.”

I don’t feel relief, Aoi doesn’t understand the situation.

“He went off with someone else; I heard another voice when we were on the phone.”

“So? We’re going something together right now. I’m sure he has friends.”

“But when he thought he had hung up the phone I heard them talking, he says, ‘he’s such a bitch. Why does he think I care about his problems?’ and it hurt my feelings.”

“Maybe he just needed to vent for a minute.”

He’s frustrating me.

“Aoi, if you overheard Kai saying really mean things about you to someone else, how would you feel?”

“It’s not that bad, he called you a worthless slut on the phone to Kai.”

I frown; it was all really starting to hurt.

Did Reita still feel that way? When he came home, I wasn’t thinking. I never asked if he forgave me.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I ask with a shaky voice.

He ignores me and turns the music off. I sigh and close my eyes for a minute. I try to think about something else. Suddenly I feel his hand over mine.

“You can’t cry now,” he says as we pull into the parking lot of the place.

“I know,” I say.

“He’s really trying for you.”

Aoi puts his arm around me as we walk in.

“It will be okay.”

The interview is long and I’m apathetic. I’m not myself at all. No long explanation where the length starts to make them hard to follow. I just gave short answers and left the talking to Aoi. He seems to want me to answer though. I wish it was Kai instead of him. Kai loves talking; he’ll even answer your questions for you if you let him.

I have more sitting to do after the interview. Aoi was nice enough to drop me off at the hair salon. The girl who does my hair is shocked and disappointed with its current condition.

“What did you do?” she asks.

I raise my eyebrows at her. But then offer a smile.

“Can you fix it, please?”

She laughs. “Sure, but you better not come in again with your hair like this.”

I love going to get my hair done. It’s relaxing even if it takes forever, which it will today because I’m going blonde again. The girl who cuts my hair is good at selecting colors for my skin. Plus I like having someone wash my hair for me. It feels nice.

I’m glad to be home it feels like I’ve been gone forever. Really, it was only about five hours. My hair looks and feels really nice so I’m anxious for Reita to see it. He’s been gone all day, what the hell? I go to the fridge and grab something to eat. I open the garbage to throw away the wrapper. It’s empty beside some pieces of notebook paper that is folded. I set the wrapper down on the counter and reach in.

I sit at the table and open the notes. Both are in Reita’s handwriting and addressed to me. My eyes are glued to the paper as I read the first one. I set it down and hold my head. The tears flow out freely. Reita was really thinking to leave me this morning. He seemed so sad in the letter. There are a few good minutes that I just cry.

Unable to stop myself I pick up the other letter. The one I never should have read. He’s angry blaming everything on me. He talks about Uruha and the rape thing. How I had wanted both things. Most of the letter is talking about how ungrateful and selfish I am. He’s picking on every insecurity and doubt I have. He closes saying he can’t ever think about coming back to me. I’m filthy used up whore, he adds.

I stand up and take the papers to the garbage. Angrily, I tear them up. Screw this. So Reita isn't home because he’s not coming. I grab my cell phone and call him. I must have been ten times until I leave a message.

“Reita….”

I leave a long message letting the machine cut me off.

I’ve never felt this crazy. The hot water of the shower should feel good but it doesn’t. I feel so out of it. The knife in my hand is glistening. My body doesn’t stop shaking. I’m scared to death. If I cut it up and it heals then it’s clean.

My breathing is ragged as I turn the knife up between my spread legs. The knife plunged in and I bite my hand to keep from screaming. The pain is intense. Again and again I do it; blood is flowing quickly coloring the water red.

Reita

I pull the door open, the locks clang. I look back at Saga.

“I really think Ruki will feel better if you talk to him.”

Saga laughs.

“The two of us together is too outrageous of a thought. Why didn’t you tell him you wanted to know what it felt like to kiss someone with a lip ring?”

“He was so angry then I wasn’t saying anything.”

Saga and I just finished having dinner. I go in the kitchen to plug my phone in to charge. The battery died earlier.

“Sounds like he’s showering, Let’s watch TV?”

We sit on the couch and I let him flip through the channels. We end up stopping on 24 hr television for some classic comedy. There’s always something weird going on. You know the hosts don’t ever really sleep. It is really for 24 hours and live, so they can just take naps.

Ruki

Something is wrong. I feel it as I shove it in this time. The knife drops as I try to not scream. My knees fall hard to the floor. I think Reita is yelling at me to see if I’m alright. I can’t answer.

Trying to grab the knife, I slice my hand. Blood spurts from it. I look down realizing something is really wrong. Blood is flowing from my penis. This isn’t right. The blood is so slippery as I try to move. I should call for Reita. I can’t die. My body is so cold. I lay back against the tub and it goes blank.

After our laughing at the show I look at the bathroom door.

“He’s been in there a while.”

“It sounded like he might have fallen.”

“But Ruki’s clumsy. He probably just dropped something,” I say as I stand up going to the bathroom.

“Ru-babe, are you alright?”

I open the door and walk in. The scent of blood hits me so hard. Oh god, I’m going to vomit. I stumble to the toilet and throw up. The realization hits me, is Ruki dead? Is he bleeding? I can’t do this. I can’t, I think as I head to the shower.

Adrenaline is rushing through my body. I can’t stand the smell of blood. It’s so thick; I don’t have the courage to pull it open.

“Baby?”

I stand in front of it. I can’t lose Ruki. Not now, not ever. I pull the curtain open and I scream. Because oh my god I think Ruki is lying in there dead.

“Saga! Saga, you need to call an ambulance.”

What the fucking hell? This can’t really be happening. My body is shaking, I don’t feel calm. He comes in the room.

“What’s going on?”

“Just call an ambulance.”

I reach into the tub to pick him up. My arms slip under his, he’s so damn heavy. I pull him out banging his legs on the side. I hope he isn’t dead.

I lay him on the ground.

“Baby…Ruki….”

I feel his neck for a heartbeat. He’s alive. My hand goes over his mouth to see if he’s breathing. And he is.

“Ruki… Ruki wake up, what did you do?”

Saga comes in and turns the water off.

“They’re on their way. Reita there’s a knife in the tub.”

I pull him into my lap; he’s so cold that his skin is purple. Saga comes over with some towels and he’s drying him off.

“Are you okay?”

I realize that I’m crying. My press my head against Ruki’s and cry. I notice that he did his hair today. My mind races. What changed? Did something happen today?

Saga is wrapping up his hand. Ruki’s head bobs into mine and he squeals. “Ow.”

“Ruki, baby,” his head lolls to the side. I start to help Saga; he brings a blanket to wrap around him. We have a few towels around his bottom to catch the blood.

“They’ll be here soon,” Saga assures me.

I hold Ruki tight trying to keep him warm. I kiss his cheek.

“Ruki, please,” I whisper begging him to not slip away.

AN: That was really hard to write.

Night of Pussy 1/1

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 01:04:15 GMT

Title: Night... ~COMPLETE~
Author: Endless Digital
Genre: porn
Ratings: NC-17
Warnings: threesome
Pairings: Reita/Ruki/some girl
Synopsis: Ruki pays a girl for sex. What will Reita think when he comes home
during it? Will he want to join in?
Comments: That isn't the whole title up there because I'm not sure if the
titles have to be pg.

Author's Note: I just got Gazette's new cd. I was reading through the lyric book. And it ones of the songs there is the line, night of pussy. So I decided to use it. Originally I was thinking about filth in the beauty but it has been used already.

I wouldn't really call the girl a prostitute because she doesn't have pimp. There this thing that goes on in Japan. Where highschool girls sell their bodies so they can buy designer clothes and purses. It's a thing called paid dating. But I'm not going to go into things about why a Geisha isn't a prostitute or why a Kogal isn't either. On that note, please enjoy.

Ruki

The little whore is sucking hard for her money. I don’t disrespect her, it’s her job. My dick likes it. I hide this from Reita. From the relationship. Sometimes I just need some pussy. So I pick up some girl and pay her for a date.

Reita

I pull the door open, and go inside. Slipping my shoes off. As usual, I go to our room to set my things down. After laying my wallet and belt on the dresser I look on the bed.

“Ruki?”

He stares over at me almost to orgasm.

“Now come on, why are you paying some girl?”

He’s panting post climax. His fingers play in the girl’s hair.

“I’ll pay you to suck his dick too.”

She stands and goes over to me.

“Come here,”

“Don’t waste my money,” Ruki warns as he moves up to me to undo my pants.

“Can we both fuck you? How much do you charge?” Ruki asks the girl.

Ruki

I’m on the bed watching him. Never have I seen his face when he’s getting a blow job.

“You look sexy,” I whisper.

“Quiet Ruki, I’m busy,” he says trying to ignore me.

I move closer and kiss him roughly on the mouth. Then I move down his nick.

“I need some pussy tonight,” I explain to him.

“Sounds good.”

Soon I’m all over him and I know it’s driving him wild. Especially with the girl on his dick. He climaxes and I think we’re both surprised when she swallows his wad.

“Shit,” she smiles covering her mouth, “I didn’t mean to do that.”

She stands up and I can’t take my eyes off of her. My hand moves to rub on her tit.

“Money please, before the sex,” she tells us.

Reita

Ruki gets up and goes for his wallet. He hands her quite a bit of ¥10,000 bills.* I think he’s paying ¥80,000 for this.

I push her up the bed and get on top of her. Her shirt is pulled off and I can’t take my eyes off of her tits. Having become so accustomed to Ruki’s lack of them. I kiss in between them. Then move to one teasing around the nipple.

I glance back at Ruki; he’s pulling her skirt down. I know what he’s going for as he spreads her legs. It invades my space a little. We exchange a look before he goes down on her. She squeals and I return to her boobs. Spending my time sucking on them.

Minutes pass, “Reita,” and I look back at him. He kisses me, he pushes me down on this girl and we just make out. His hands roaming my body as I taste her pussy in his mouth. He pulls back and smiles “come taste her.”

I follow him mindlessly in between her legs. He’s kissing her thighs as I’m licking and sucking. She’s loud as she enjoys what we’re giving her.

I hate the look he has about him. The lust in his eyes. He’s only seeing his prize with her legs open. That look is supposed to be for me.

He’s fucking her and I’m not sure if it’s getting me off. They’re enjoying it as I watch. The girl grabs my penis and starts to rub. She smiles at me, knowing how to do her job well. Ruki look over at me like he realizes I’m there for the first time.

He buries his head into her shoulder and thrusts harder. Ruki will climax soon, that’s what that indicates. I trace my fingers down his spine and watch him convulse. He rides it out before he pulls out. I watch him discard the condom.

I kiss him and push him down against the bed. My tongue wrestling hot with his. My mind doesn’t care for this girl. I want to take my lover right now and just fuck him. Who cares if it’s our night of pussy, I just want him. And Ruki, he’s going to get jealous when I fuck this girl.

I kiss his cheek, “Reita,” he looks to the side.

“She’s waiting.”

I crawl off of him and grab the lube. I rub my finger over her pussy; I’ve always loved the squishy feeling.

“You ready?”

We find a different position. I lie down and let her get on top. I grab her butt helping her ride me.

We try quite a bit of position until I feel that I’m close. I pull out leaving her disappointed. I throw the condom off and go over to my bored looking lover. I kiss him and dip my finger in the lube. Rubbing it on before pushing his legs apart and entering.

His eyes open wide and he grips the pillow tightly. I kiss him as I try to reach my climax. He’s definitely not bored anymore. I bite down on his neck as I cum hard into him. He screams and slaps my back. He hates that.

I pull out and he stares over at me.

“Do you mind if we do it again in a few months?” he asks meekly.

“We’ll see.”

*- That’s roughly a 100 dollars.

Top of the World 09/18

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 14:02:32 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Work was hell that morning. I had not slept and my head hurt. There’s so much make-up covering my face and I‘m not sure if there bruise is still visible. I can’t even look at Reita. Uruha just glares at me and I keep away from the couch he’s sitting on. Aoi looks just as upset. Kai is at his drum set.

So I stand there, my head working too slow. I go and sit by Reita. Uruha makes me nervous. How could he have set me up to go home to an angry Reita? I stare over at my boyfriend’s lap trying to gauge how he’s feeling.

“Let’s start,” Kai says.

Everyone is up quicker than me. I’m still making my way to the microphone stand. Maybe it’s the pain pills and the tranquilizers. Plus the lack of sleep.

The new songs go off well we had to stop at some points and practice individually to work out some spots. I left the room during one point to use the bathroom. There wasn’t need for vocals during the individual.

I don’t realize what bathroom I’m going to until I’m in the stall. It’s an old bathroom with the traditional in floor toilets. There’s more room in here. Uruha fucked me up against this stall wall. I regret that I forgot how much more important love was.

I walk back in the room; it looks like everyone is getting ready for break. I walk over to Kai.

“Thanks for coming last night.”

“No problem,” he says giving me a quick hug before leaving the room with Aoi.

Reita and Uruha are left in here with me.

Uruha is moving closer like he wants to talk. I can’t see him right now.

“Ruki,”

I catch a glimpse of Reita’s angry face as Uruha moves closer. He stays in the room to watch. Uruha grabs my arm.

“Listen, I didn’t know Reita would hurt you.”

“What did you expect?” I say pulling roughly out of his grasp.

“You can’t blame this one me, you lied.”

I glare at him. Fuck Uruha, why can’t he be out with the flu or something.

“Get the hell away from me. What’s wrong with you?”

My voice raises and I become more aggressive towards him. “My boyfriend beat me and it’s my fault?”

My finger is not longer point at his face as Reita grabs my arms and holds them to my chest.

“Get out Uruha,” he says coldly and Uruha leaves.

He squeezes my chest. I scream.

“Ow…get off me!”

“You need to calm down.”

I kick his legs and he pushes me. “Ow, you bitch.”

I turn around to face him.

“You need to stop calling me names. I don’t do that to you,” I say overemphasizing the words in my anger.

“Fine, I won’t.”

I take a deep breath, feeling surprisingly calmer after getting that off my chest. I stare at him my breathing still not okay. He watches me, and I hope he knows better than to bring up Uruha.

“Are you alright?” he asks.

I shake my head, exhale and run my hand through my hair.

He hugs me and my arms wrap around him. My face disappearing in his shirt. I miss him and I want him to come back. He pushes me back slightly and I stare up curiously. His eyes close and he kisses me. My mouth opens letting his forceful wet tongue inside. The kiss is strong as he continues.

He stops and I almost fall, my back bent for the kiss.

“Rei…” I say feeling slightly out of breath.

I’m pulled back to his chest and he just rubs my hair.

“Ruki, how are you feeling?”

“I took pain pills for my back and something to help me feel calm. But I don’t feel very calm.”

“It’s stressful right now.”

“I should take another one,” I say and start to pull out of his grasp. I realized he’s grabbed me tighter and I’m not moving.

“Don’t,” he warns.

“But it’s not working,” I whine.

“Ruki, you’ll just feel worse if you do.”

“Then come home. I wouldn’t feel this way if you would come home.”

He sighs and moves away.

“I don’t know. I’m still a little angry.”

I can’t help it the sudden rush of sadness that I feel. I’d need that whole bottle to calm down.

“You’re making me sad,” I say before going to sit on the couch. I wish he wasn’t here. I pull my knees up and cry hard into my arms. There’s too much guilt, sadness, and regret around me.

Reita

I stand there shocked as Ruki just cries. Is this supposed to make me feel sorry, because it does. I walk over to the couch.

“Don’t you think you’ve made me sad?”

He looks up, “Yes Reita, because you remind me everyday when you start calling me a whore or a slut.”

“What is this about?” I ask when I realize it isn’t to do with Uruha.

“You were so disgusted after what happened with those men. You were leaving even if I didn’t go with Uruha.”

“Ruki,” I kneel in front of him, and rest my hands on his legs. “I wasn’t going to leave you.”

I rest my head on his shoulder. His face is so close, with tears and shaking.

“I’ll come home.”

I climb on the couch, and lead him to lie down. I lie above him, and kiss his chin.

“You need to calm down, we have work.”

He nods and tries to force a smile. It only breaks and more tears flow.

“Come on, get up. Let’s go to the bathroom, okay?”

I feel his warm hand in mine and we make our way to the bathroom. Once inside he goes to the sink and turns it on. He splashes cold water on his face.

I stand off to the side with my arms crossed.

“Why didn’t you tell me it bothered you?”

“The rape thing?”

“Yes, because I was bothered too and we could have talked.

“I’d do anything to take it back,” he says and I just sigh.

“It isn’t possible.”

“I’ll make it better.”

I notice that he is becoming calmer. He’s leaning against the sink, his face dry because he’s no longer crying. He looks down.

“It was scary.”

I walk closer and grab his arm.

“I’m sorry…Let’s go have a smoke.”

“Okay.”

We walk outside to the side of the building and sit down on the arm bench. The sun is hot on our faces. I pull out a cigarette and look over at Ruki. He reaches for my pack.

“Is it okay? Mine are in my jacket.”

I nods and he takes one.

The sweet smell of nicotine swims around our faces. At times, I really wish the building was next to a park, and not just another building. I’d like to look into endless green trees and not the dirty brick of the building next store. It’s ugly here.

I wonder what thoughts are running through Ruki’s head. He sits there smoking off in his own world. Life is precarious and delicate; one simple thing could really cause it to spinning. Maybe this relationship with Ruki isn’t healthy any more. But I just can’t let go.

He puts his cigarette out and looks over at me. There is this look of constant sadness on his face. Wasn’t I the one supposed to be hurt by this? I stare back cautiously. He stands up and looks around.

There is a strange feeling at the apartment. Like my leaving had already thrown it off the balance. Things were scattered since Ruki didn’t care to clean it up Silence runs through and the light didn’t seem to penetrate. Too late in the evening for it anyways. Dinner was eaten in silence as we readily ignored each other.

Ruki’s bruise is swollen and bright; it seems to become the focal point. I never thought myself capable of hurting him like that. Refusing to hear his screams or pleas I went at him. Ruki is too small to be bullied like that.

I don’t realize I’ve been sitting at the table in the dark kitchen with my head in my hand, until the light is turned on. I look over to see Ruki and he just stands there staring. Like he doesn’t know why he came in here.

“Why are you sitting in the dark?” he finally speaks.

“The sun must have gone down.”

I was hoping he would talk more, anything over this dead silence. He sighs and shuts the heavy curtain over the kitchen window. He turns and watches me. His hair messy and unkempt. I drink from my glass of water.

“What do you want to do tonight?” I ask him.

He sits at the table and twirls around a pen that was sitting on it.

“I was watching something on TV,” he says.

“Okay…”

“We could watch a movie.”

I stand up and he seems to get nervous. I lean down and seem to get nervous. I lean down and kiss his forehead, closing my eyes as I remain there for a few seconds.

“Go pick one out.”

We lay together on the couch; he’s picked out, “Pan’s Labyrinth” to watch. I hug him tightly for a second before relaxing and focusing on the movie.

It’s almost up to the part that Ruki hates. He says the sickness outweighs the shock factor. His hand goes over his eyes as the soldier beats the man’s face in with a bottle. I tickle him trying to get him to pull his hand away.

“It’s not that bad,” I say laughing.

He rolls onto his back, squishing me back into the couch. I stop and just smile at him. He returns a small smile. My eyes must have stayed on the bruise too long, watching it closely. I notice the sudden panic in his face.

He rolls back on his side and I scoot up to him. Reflexively, his hand goes to rub the bruise. I slide his hand down and kiss his cheek. His eyes close and he pulls away.

Ruki

It stays pretty calm for a bit, as we’re wrapped in the movie. Reita is leaning his heavy ass more and more on my back. I’m about to slip right off the couch. I try to move a bit to look up at him.

“Reita…”

He’s crushing me.

“Reita,” I say a little louder.

I push him back, he’s big it won’t hurt him. He shakes his head and jumps a little.

“What the fuck?”

“You were sleeping on me,” I whine craning my neck to look at him. He moves and I begin to slide under him as he gets on top.

I stare at his mouth for a second before it’s on mine. Forcing my lips apart. His unshaven skin rough against mine. After a few seconds he’s pulling back. My mouth just hangs open.

“What did you wake me up for?”

“You were about to knock me off the couch.”

Another quick kiss.

“I’m tired.”

I sigh and reach for the remote, “Let’s get to bed.”

“You little pervert,” he teases as he licks my chin.

And it’s not me; it’s him, as I feel his warm erection shoved into my thigh.

“Rei…” I groan, “You didn’t have that a second ago.”

He laughs and lays his head on my chest. Acting innocent until he starts to rub it on my thigh.

“You missed it baby,” he says before kissing my neck.

“Bedroom, baby,” I say.

My shirt is pushed up and his rough lips are on my nipples. His finger is playing roughly with the other.

Reita

It’s hard to be mad at your lover and refuse the sexual advances. We shouldn’t be doing this. Ruki took control as we got into his room. Removing my clothes, pushing me onto the bed.

“Pervert,” he mumbles as he looks over at me. He gasps in surprise as I tackle him to the bed. Undoing his pants and freeing his penis. I pump him quickly, his legs curl up and he moans.

He can’t stand it at this pace.

“Reita, Reita, please let me fuck you.”

My hand stops.

“Let you fuck me?”

Ruki smiles and slips his pants off.

“Lie down and spread your legs,” he says like he says it every night.

I move back to the pillows and lay down. He moves between my legs.

I know it’s wrong as he’s thrusting hard into me. My hand holding a bunch of the sheets, moaning as he kisses my neck.

“Ruki…”

“Rei,’

I thrust my hips back to his.

It never lasts long enough. All too soon he’s climaxing and I’m dirtying my stomach. He’s collapsing on me, still partly in. He’s breathing so heavy and his body is on fire. Even after a minute, he still is.

“Ruki, are you okay?’

“I’m so tired,” he mumbles.

I sit up and he moves back.

“I’ll get you some water.”

After coming back, we drink some water. I rub his shoulder, staring at his flushed skin. When Ruki is feeling anxious, he won’t eat.

“Have you eaten today?”

He stares at me shocked before shaking his head. I put my water down.

“Then you need juice instead of that, your blood sugar is low.”

I’m disappearing again, wondering what kind of juice we have. He should probably just eat, but he’ll say he’s too tired. I peer in the fridge, my eyes fall on a bottle of melon soda. I grab that, it’s easier than pouring something.

I hand it to him.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

He opens the pop and drinks.

“You know I worry about you.”

“I know,” he says and I wait for him to finish drinking before we to go the shower. He’s making me feel tired.

We shower quickly, I help Ruki because he says he has no energy. He crawls into the bed and snuggles up.

“Reita hurry up.”

“Give me a minute,”

“You’re going to wake me up when you come in.”

I leave the room to go take my contacts out. Then I brush my teeth. The water is running and I’m rinsing out my mouth.

“Reita!” Ruki yells loudly from the bedroom.

I spit the water out.

“Shut up. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Even when I’m undressing in the room, he’s harassing me. I slam the drawer shut having enough of it.

“Ruki!”

I scold before I jump on the bed on top of him. His body with the bed bounces beneath me. He smiles.

“Ruki, you little bitch.”

He kisses my chin. I laugh and turn off the lamp.

I lay on my back under the covers. Ruki moves close and I turn to my side to snuggle with him. He’s asleep way before I can. My mind riddled with thoughts.

“I love you,” I whisper against his wet hair.

AN: I split up this chapter because it’s way too long. So the next morning is in its own chapter. My grammar has been atrocious lately, so beware.

Top of the World 08/18

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 17:44:24 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Ruki

There are many important days that come about in our life. Not your traditional things. But major events. Like when my father found out I was skipping cram school because I didn’t want to go to college. A very loaded situation.

Why did I even bother with him? Uruha was so mean with the sex. He thought it was what I wanted through. I walk into his apartment, “Uruha…”

“Don’t come in here with your clothes on.”

I sigh but still undress.

Always I feel surprised to see his naked body. He walks towards me and I think I’m just used to Reita. So it always takes a second.

“Did you get the condoms?”

I look down, “shit,” I say.

“I was at the store with Reita, and I went to grab them. He wanted to know why, so I had to put them back and pretend like I didn’t mean to grab them.”

He grabs me and shoves my chest to the wall.

“Let’s get started.”

I turn back to look as his penis is thrust inside. My eyes close. He’s lubricated but I still feel really sore. My cheek is pressed to the wall as he thrusts harder and harder. I cry out.

“This feels good, you little whore?”

His hot breath questions in my ear. He spreads my legs more almost knocking me off balance.

He pulls out and I’m thrown to the carpet.

“Spread your legs, Ruki.”

I look up at him with half lidded eyes. My legs spread as far as I can.

“You’re not hard, Ruki,” he says looking down at me.

“Masturbate for me.”

I sit up and try to at least be dignified about it, closing my legs.

He grabs my leg and I stop moving to stare up at him.

“I want to see it,” he says.

I close my legs and wrap my arms around them.

“It’s not for you to see,”

This would never with Uruha because he wasn’t Reita. I wouldn’t do that in front of him, it’s private.

Again my leg is grabbed and he takes my penis in his hand. He takes care of it himself. We finish up the sex right there on the floor. Right after he’s yelling at me to get dressed and get out.

I quickly dress, barely having time to clean myself up. He glares at me.

“Reita doesn’t know about this, you lied to me.”

He’s rushing me out of the apartment.

“Go home Ruki and don’t come back,” he says as he shuts the door.

I take my shoes off and go quietly into the house. Reita is leaning over the side table, talking on his phone. He stares at me, pausing from his conversation.

“Stay right there I need to talk to you.”

I stand there and stare down. Feeling nervous for whatever Reita will say. He sets the phone down and looks at me.

“Where have you been?”

Before I can even speak, he’s undoing my belt and discarding it. Then unzipping my pants. I move back.

“Reita, stop it.”

He pulls me forward and shoves his hand in my underwear as I struggle to move back. I feel his hand move into where Uruha’s come had leaked from me. My wrist is grabbed tightly as he pulls his hand out. Thick and slimy.

“What is this?”

I shake my head. My pants are grabbed, he pulls them off. So quickly I fall right on my back. Screaming because it burns like he’s pulled a muscle. It’s like when you wake too soon and stretch out your legs. There’s that awful pain.

He gets on the ground by me and spreads my legs.

“You’ve been sleeping with another man. Our own best friend.”

“Reita, please stop,” I beg.

I scream as he shoves his fingers in. He pulls out more of Uruha’s mess. His rough fingers scrapping my delicate insides. Tears fall from my eyes even when I feel him stop. I sit up, and it burns. My hand goes to cover myself. He’s scaring me so much today.

“Reita…”

He moves closer and I tense up.

“You disgust me,”

He climbs over me as he pushes me down forcing my legs apart. Tears fall and I won’t look at him. I’m so afraid he’ll rape me. I feel so vulnerable, half naked, below him.

“Reita…please stop.”

“Aren’t you sorry? Why aren’t you apologizing?”

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice breaking as I look at him.

He smacks me and I try to squirm away. I catch him off guard and push him off. Quickly I get up and run into the bathroom. Locking the door before collapsing on the ground. Laying on my stomach as the tears flow freely and I can’t stop shaking. My heart is beating so fast. I can tell it’s going to happen. There’s the same feeling each time. I’m going to have a panic attack. My breathing comes in rasps and I’m scared.

He’s on the phone, I heard it ring and he’s talking. Reita what the hell happened? We were fine yesterday. I wipe my tears on my arm but they’re coming so fast. I don’t know what to do. I’m beginning to feel nauseous.

The door opens and I refuse to look. Not even when his feet come into view. I scream when he grabs my hair. So roughly, I end up on my back.

“Ruki…”

He knows I’m sure he can tell that I’m going to have an attack.

“I’m so sorry,” I say sitting up

Another slap and I cringe.

“You’re sorry? You fucking little whore.”

A loud cry escapes my mouth and I cover my face. I feel so sick.

I cough, choking on the saliva my mouth.

“I’m surprised as he pulls me to his chest. My face instantly wetting his shirt.

“Calm down,” he whispers.

He moves back leaving me alone.

“I’m leaving Ruki,”

I lay on the floor.

“Do you need something to calm your ass down or will you be okay?”

I shake my head.

“Just get out, Reita.”

Unfortunately when I tried to get up, the full extent of what he did to my back becomes apparent. I just can’t move. My bladder is swollen with hot piss. After a few minutes of trying, I realize I just can’t hold it.

I try to get my penis oriented so I can pee far from myself. Watching the floor fill up with nasty yellow. It stinks and I regret not being able to move.

“Ruki, Ruki!”

Kai’s calling me.

“Yeah, I’m in the bathroom.”

He pulls open the door and looks shocked. I’m sure he’s never seen me naked like this.

“Careful. There’s um…”

I point to the pee. He moves around it.

“Can you get up?”

I shake my head.

He helps me up, I’m glad to see that my legs work.

“Do you need the toilet or anything?”

“No, but I’ll clean that up.”

“We’re not sure if you can walk yet.”

Kai helps me out of the bathroom.

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

He helps me to the bed. I sit on the bed, trying to be modest about my body. He grabs some underwear and pants for me. I get dressed.

“Don’t worry about the pee, I’ll clean it up,” I tell him again.

“Ruki, you can’t even walk.”

I frown and lay on my stomach. Kai rubs my back.

“I’ll give you a back massage. Aoi will be over soon, I’ll tell him to bring oil.”

Kai

I leave the room, and make a quick call to Aoi. He’s not on his way. Probably downtown shopping. I tell him to pick up massage oil.

“Ruki is worse off then Reita told us. He’s hit him, there are bruises. He must have thrown him on the ground. And his hair…”

“What about his hair?”

Reluctantly I walk to the bathroom, it’s just like cleaning up after a dog, I tell myself. Like if it’s a human’s it’s grosser.

“It’s on the floor.

“Huh?”

“Reita pulled the dreads out I guess.”

“I can’t believe him. Our Reita would do that?”

“Just hurry up, okay.”

I hang up the phone and start to disinfect the floor. The good thing about Ruki is the variety of cleaning products he has. Some I wouldn’t know what to use them for.

Aoi

There are so many thoughts in my head as Kai lets me in the house. I’m worried about Ruki.

“Who is he?”

“He’s laying down.”

I follow him into the room. I sit on the bed and rub Ruki’s head.

“Are you okay?”

“No, “ he says from the pillow.

Kai is getting ready to give him a massage.

“My hair looks like shit,” he grumbles.

My fingers massage the soft hair on his head. The part where the dreads were connected are much shorter than the rest.

“You look fine.”

“Shut-up,” he says.

I get up, “I have the pain pills, I’ll go get them.”

Ruki

Aoi’s back in the room and I’m so embarrassed. About the huge bruise on my face, the fact that they both know that he beats me. I take the pills, swallowing the bitter taste. Then gulping the rest of the water.

Kai rubs some romantic smelling oil on my back.

“Your muscles are really tense,” he comments.

“Ow…” I whine as Kai’s hands start to work. It hurts. Aoi is still rubbing my hair.

“Relax,” he says softly.

“How did you hurt your back?”

“Ah…ow…”

I bury my head into the pillow for a second.

“Reita grabbed his pants and pulled them right off when he was standing. Ruki fell right on his ass,” Kai explains.

Tears fall from my eyes, thinking about what just happened. I cry lightly into the pillow. Aoi leans back against the headboard. He’s staring around the room. It’s strange having Kai touch my body, he’s kneading up my back.

“Tell me if it hurts too much.”

I try to stop crying, hoping Aoi hasn’t noticed. He’s moving closer, and soon he’s rubbing my head.

“You know, you don’t have to be embarrassed. This happens to people, abusive relationships.”

It only makes me cry more. It’s becoming impossible to be quiet. My loud cries are audible to the others in the room. Aoi gasps and Kai moves his hands back.

“Ruki…”

“I love Reita and I don’t want it to be like this,” I choke out.

“What did you say to him?” Kai whispers harshly above my head to Aoi.

“Nothing,” Aoi defends himself.

I bury my head more into the pillow.

“Ruki are you alright?” Kai asks sounding worried.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Ruki, it’s okay.”

“Don’t cry,” Aoi says.

I sit up and wipe my eyes.

Kai

I can’t stand seeing him like this. I pick up some tissues and start to wipe his tears. I hush him and try to calm him. The tears stop for a second but his eyes are still filling up. I kiss his cheek,

“Shh, Ruki, you’re alright.”

I hug him and he’s still shaking. I look back at Aoi and mouth at him.

“What should we do?”

Aoi moves closer and hugs Ruki too.

“Come on, let’s get this oil off you and we’ll have dinner,” Aoi says.

Ruki is showering while Aoi and I decide on dinner. There’s tons of groceries and I want to cook.

“It’s been a long day, are you sure you want to cook?”

Cooking has always made me feel better. If I’m stressed, it’s relaxing. Ruki is.

a handful right now. The band could be in danger if Reita and Ruki can’t get along. I don’t want this to happen. This is our dream. We’ll do anything to fix it.

I pull meat from the refrigerator. And then look for some vegetables and rice.

“Aoi, will you set up the rice cooker?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to order out?”

“Cooking will make me feel better.”

“What did Reita say when he called you?”

I stare at him, stopping my fork halfway. Wondering what I should say.

“He said you two had a fight. He was worried about you but too angry to go back and check himself.”

“What does that mean for us, then?” Ruki asks, and I now it’s not meant towards me. He’s just talking to himself.

“How am I supposed to fix this?”

“Why did he get so mad?” Aoi asks.

Ruki’s demeanor changes and he looks down.

“He didn’t tell you?” he asks me.

I think back to Reita calling Ruki a whore, and a worthless slut, and whatever else came from his mouth. I think I have a pretty good idea of what happened.

“No.”

“I’ve been sleeping with Uruha.”

“What? Why the hell would you do that?” Aoi says not wasting a minute on being sympathetic.

“Because no matter what I did after that thing, Reita kept calling me a slut or a whore. And I liked having sex with Uruha, so I didn’t want it to stop. I lied to him and told him Reita didn’t mind. Then when he found out that I had lied, he… he became really mean during our sex. Then he kicked me out and called Reita so he’d know before I got home. Then…then Reita…”

Ruki stops and starts to get upset again.

“Aoi! Why did you ask him?” I says feeling angry before I turn to Ruki. “Don’t cry.”

“You’ve got yourself into a bad spot,” Aoi comments.

It’s probably better for the two to separate. There’s no reason to stay together if Reita’s going to beat him.

“You can only apologize and try to show him that you’re trying to improve.”

“Do you really think Reita will come back? You’ve broken trust,” Aoi throws at him coldly.

Is he trying to undo everything I say?

“I know Aoi, and I’m sorry.”

“I’ve wasted my time here. You brought this upon yourself,” Aoi says getting up. “You know how I felt about this and maybe you are a fucking little whore,”

The brunette leaves the house, not bothering to say anything to me. I start to clean up the kitchen for Ruki. He’s still at the table looking upset.

Once everything is cleaned, I lean against the counter. I watch him, not knowing what to say. He never should have slept with Uruha. There isn’t a clear way to fix this.

“Ruki, I have to go make sure Aoi is alright.”

“But what about me?”

“I’m sorry Ruki, you shouldn’t have pissed off the people you did,” I say sounding a little cold. Letting him know how much we disapprove of his actions.

“I don’t want to be alone,” he cries as he puts his head on the table.

“Sorry, I’ll call you later,” I say before leaving the apartment.

Ruki

I feel much calmer later on. But I’m not ready to sleep. I just snack on some food and watch TV. Even when I became very tired, I just stayed on the couch. I tried to sleep but eventually it became too uncomfortable. So I finally get up and wander to the bedroom.

I couldn’t sleep well. Not at all. I kept getting up to see if Reita came home. So much I wished he would. Just like the other day. Unable to stop myself each time I checked.

Top of the World 07/18

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 00:48:16 GMT

Title: Top of the World

I left, feeling a little too nervous to spend the night with Reita. Not after what just happened. First I went to Aoi’s place. Uruha’s was out of the question. I needed to stop with him. It wasn’t fair. Aoi isn’t home, so I call his phone.

He’s at Kai’s place, so I ended up asking Kai if I could stay. Not mentioning too much detail about the fight. I had to agree to a condition though. It made me feel like a child. Only if I went to bed by ten o’clock. Not what I wanted to do, but there’s no way to stay with Uruha or Reita.

Aoi and I are sitting on the couch watching some weekday drama. Kai is walking around the apartment talking endlessly on his phone. I thought it would be better when he was done. Kai sits on the couch close to Aoi.

Everything is going fine until I hear a noise from my side. My eyes widen as I see that Aoi and Kai are making out. Loudly their lips are smacking, eyes closed tight as Kai rubs up Aoi’s shirt. I can’t tear my eyes away and it’s like watching porn. I’m starting to feel something done there.

Aoi moves back and looks at me.

“I think Ruki needs to go to bed.”

I point at the clock. “It’s only 9:00.”

Aoi licks his lips.

“You should be asleep by 10:00.”

“I took a nap today.”

“Ruki…” Kai says sounding slightly annoyed.

I yawn, “I’ll go soon.”

I wake up in the middle of the night. Another dream about it. I was so scared when I was alone in that van. Outnumbered as those men surrounded me, I was removing the ring, thought it was over.

They weren’t done yet. I’m pushed on my stomach and my two les are grabbed, pulled apart. Someone is in me again. I’m cumming on the hard metal. I hear them arguing but I’m not paying attention. They turn me over and argue about turns. Feeling sick when I realized what they were saying. Two of them were going to be in me at the same time.

A man moves me on my side, and he enters me from behind. I cry out, not ready for it. It was supposed to be over. Someone is in front of me and I think he’s going to try. I push him away.

“Don’t,” I yell out.

Uruha comes back in the van and he’s yelling at them to get out.

Reita pulls me close and buries his face in my hair. I hear the sounds of him breathing and taking in my scent.

“You awake?”

“Yeah.”

He moves back and wipes hair from my forehead.

“Ru… you’re shaking,” he says sounding worried.

I am and I move a little closer to him. The memory-esque dream leaving me upset.

He moves me on my back and snuggles up.

“You’re cold?” he asks still curious about my shaking.

“I am,” I lie.

All my concentration goes to calming myself. Reita’s warm body and even breathing makes me feel so much better. I can’t sleep yet, so I just stare at the ceiling.

Reita.

“Ruki, get up. I told you to not fall back asleep.”

He mumbles sleepily and pulls the blanket over his head. My hand moves under the covers.

“Come on, Ruki!”

Up his boxers and oh my god, he has a major erection. I laugh as I wrap my hand around it.

“What’s this?”

He groans. “Rei…Damn it.”

I pull the covers off of him and stare at him. He looks up at me sleepy and confused.

“Come sit in my lap.”

He gets on my lap, and presses his back to my chest. My hand goes to his mouth.

“Get it wet.”

His tongue slides out warm against my hand, spitting onto it until it’s wet. He slips his boxers off.

“You’ll have to be quiet,” I say putting my dry hand over his mouth and bringing the wet hand to his quivering length.

Slowly I pump him and I feel his hot breath on my hand. I speed up rapidly and he squeal is muffled. My thumb plays around the head as my hand slides up and down. The lack of air must be speeding this up for him, he’s already convulsing. Some people are really into asphyxiating their selves during sex to get a better orgasm.

My hand becomes a little dry with all the rubbing. I stop and push Ruki a little so he gets off. I push his legs apart and put his dick in my mouth. Not sucking it, but just wetting it with my spit.

“What are you doing?” he asks when he realizes that I’m not going to give him a blowjob.

“Back in my lap.”

He gets back to where he was and I kiss his chin.

I kiss him and grasp his wet member. Stroking him furiously and he moans in my mouth. He pulls way trying to breath. I lick his shoulder tasting the sweat. Suddenly his boxers are in his hands again.

“Rei...” he whispers as he convulses, shoving the boxers over his head to catch the ejaculate. As he starts I grab the boxers and holds them tightly around to catch it all. My hand goes over his mouth before he gets loud.

I feel him go limp and I drop the boxers. My hands fall away and I kiss him passionately. Then kiss his chin and down his neck. He lays back more into me. He’s so sweaty. He yawns.

“Tired,” he whispers. “You made me more tired.”

I rub his stomach.

The door opens and instinctively both our hands go to cover Ruki’s privates. I look back to see Aoi. He smiles.

“So you got him up,” he says sarcastically before leaving the room.

Ruki pushes me away and quickly gets off.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” he comments as he dresses and leaves the room.

Ruki.

I needed a cigarette after my quick shower. So right now, I’m sitting on the balcony smoking. The door slides open and I look up. Reita sits down in my lap. He’s too big to do that, and I’m sure it looks funny. The blonde grabs a cigarette from his pocket and lights it.

“Ruki,” he says after he takes a puff.

I put my arm around him.

“You weren’t there when I went to bed.”

“I was worried. You refused to tell me where you were going.”

“So you always have to know where I’m at?”

“It’s dangerous if you’re wandering around all night.”

“Who let you in?”

“Aoi did, I told him that you had left yesterday without a word and I was worried.”

I didn’t tell him, but I feel more comfortable with him next to me then I do without him. Even if I’m mad, I’d like to know he’s there.

I laugh at him.

“You’re like a stalker.”

“It’s not stalking,” he defends.

I put my cigarette out in the ashtray. Carefully crushing the end, I look up at the cloudless sky.

“I don’t forgive you. You have no right to treat me the way you did.”

He puts his cigarette out and stares off. Quiet and his face looking stern.

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to see our relationship get this way,” He lays his head on my shoulder. “I love you and you’re beautiful. I don’t want to lose you.”

I should have really listened to him then because my reckless behavior didn’t stop there. But Uruha was such a sweet tempting drug. Something bound to land you in a troublesome spot.

I smile, because who doesn’t when they’re complimented.

“You’re beautiful too and I love you too,” I say to him.

Then I say something I know is better left unsaid. Something that shouldn’t be spoken. It leaves my lips though, before I even think about it.

“Do you think you’re fucked up because your father never set good examples for you when he was alive?”

“More so that my father was never there to set examples,” he says getting up and going to lean on the edge.

Reita’s father had been a major drug addict before he died. His death in fact was caused by the drugs. His mother almost ended up with no money, because they were debating to classify it as a suicide or accidental. He was a very abusive man. Reita saw things in his childhood that no child should. He shouldn’t have had to see his mother hurt like that. After his father’s death he grew up without one. His mother vowed to never marry again. With what she went through who would blame her.

I get up and stand behind him, wrapping my arms around him. He turns suddenly and almost knocks me over. My shoulders are grabbed though, keeping me steady. His eyes are blank, like he hasn’t been paying attention.

He stares at me before going into the house; I follow him into the kitchen. It smells nice and Kai is at the stove cooking. I grab Reita’s shoulders and put my head on his shoulder.

“Kai, you’re making breakfast?”

“Yes,” he says turning and smiling.

Reita pulls away and sits down.

“Get off me Ruki.”

Ruki sits on the chair next to mine and he pouts. There’s a certain face he makes when he wants people to feel sorry for him.

I poke his cheek. Aoi pokes the other one. Ruki’s mouth opens and he makes a noise.

“What are we playing?” the brunette asks.

Kai is too motherly sometimes; it’s like he has eyes in the back of his head.

“Leave Ruki’s face alone.”

Aoi and I move our hands back.

“He’s making that face,” I say.

Aoi tilts his head and stares at Ruki.

“Definitely making that face.”

“We weren’t too loud last night, were we?” Kai asks.

“No… but next time I’m staying the night I wish you wouldn’t stick your extra guests in bed with me.”

“Yeah Kai, especially if Ruki’s going to perform sex acts with them,” Aoi adds.

Kai has this displeased look on his face.

“Shut-up and come get your plate,” he says loading it with eggs.

I’m tired, sitting in Reita’s car. He almost left me.

“I have to go to the pharmacy today. You could just take a train.”

“I can go with you today. It doesn’t matter. I need to buy some things too.”

It would have been better to go home and take the train into town. The parking prices are high and parking spaces are sparse.

We park, walk half a block and go up eight flights of stairs to get to the pharmacy.

“We need a shower curtain.”

“I know,” he says dropping off some pill bottles on the counter. He pulls the list from his pocket, “here baby, start on the shopping.”

I take the list and grab a basket. Walking down the aisles, grabbing what he wants. I get to the area where they have shower curtains. There was no way I was getting a cheap one. They’re too thing and always fall off the hooks. The cloth-like ones were weird. I didn’t feel like they did their job. The vinyl ones are nice, thick and they stay in place.

Always there has to be a problem. The only color they have for vinyl is rosy pink. Our bathroom is not pink. Not really a color at all. It’s small and mostly white. So I guess the pink would go. I grab the package, pink would have to work.

“You’re getting pink?” Reita says as he walks up behind me.

“Don’t argue.”

“What else have you gotten?”

I hand him the list with things crossed off. He puts his hand on my shoulder, and leads me to another aisles and he checks the list.

He grabs things and puts hem in the basket.

“Hey Ruki, is this lubricant okay?”

I can barely focus on the bottle shoved in my face. I push his arm back and try to focus.

“Watermelon flavor? Can’t you get unscented?”

He throws it in the basket.

“You got the pink curtain.”

Not thinking I grab a box of condoms to use with Uruha. Reita and I don’t use them.

“Why are you grabbing those?”

Shit! I grab the box and throw it back on the shelf. Then quickly straighten it. I stare at him sheepishly and shake my head. Hoping he doesn’t notice how scared I look. I push his back.

“Come on, let’s go.”

I slept in the car on the way home. We spent a few hours downtown getting groceries and other things. The heat and all the sopping wore me out. We bought a watermelon. So right now I’m at the table eating it. Reita starts laughing. I stare at him.

“What?”

“You don’t want watermelon lubricant but then this?”

I tilt my head to the side.

“I don’t want my butt to smell like it.”

He gives me a long disapproving look before leaving the room.

“You’re a moron,” he comments.

I’m surprised to go in the living room and see that’s not where he’s at. In our bedroom, I see him lying in the middle of the bed.

“Rei… what’s wrong?”

He moves his body and looks at me.

“My head hurts, so I’m going to lie down.”

I get up on the bed and go to where he’s laying on his side. I sit on my knees behind him and start to rub his belly. Soon I became tired and lay down, hugging him around his middle. I surprise myself because I fall asleep before Reita does. With how busy our weeks get. I feel very exhausted on days off.

Author’s note: I was getting ready to type this up last week. But my laptop ended up having a virus. It has complete system failure and I don’t think I own a recovery disk. So I can’t even start it. Right now, I’ve ordered windows XP professional from my school for pretty cheap. So hopefully I can fix it. Plus all my important files are back up to external hard drive. I’ll just have to reinstall some programs.

Top of The World 06/??

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:09:17 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Ruki

There are good times in the relationship where we seem so normal. He’s being distant again. Ignoring me, only paying attention to me to say something mean. Treating me like I did something wrong.

The situation left me feeling crazy. So I made a mistake, a very addicting mistake. Reita thinks I’m a slut. So why even bother not being one. That’s bad logic. But it’s not like I gave it much thought before it began.

Uruha is so sexy sitting over there. His dirty blonde hair and cigarette between his lips. I crawl over to him, keeping my eyes on him. He puts the cigarette out and I kiss him. His hand rubbing my jean clad butt. I move onto his lap and he’s pulling off my pants.

The cold air shocks my skin. He pulls my leg up and rubs his fingers in a circle over my entrance. I moan and wrap my arm around Uruha’s neck.

“Are you sure Reita says this is okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine like last time,” I say wondering when it had become so easy to lie.

“So your fantasy is that you want it rough and I’ll treat you like my little sex slave?”

“Uh, sure.”

Lying is the easy part. Following up on it is a little harder. My eyes widen as he grabs his belt. I’m thrown onto my stomach and he begins to spank me. I swear I haven’t been since I was fourteen.

“Uruha! I don’t like this.”

He drops the belt and I climb onto the bed more. He grabs my leg and I glance up at him. Soon we’re in the middle of making love. Well not exactly, he’s fucking my brains out. Love doesn’t exist here. I whine and moan as he thrusts in hard. My hands gripping fistfuls of the bed sheets. Sweat pours thick off my forehead. It’s hot in here. Like waiting up on the platform in a hot summer day for your train to arrive. The air is thick.

He pulls out and automatically I roll onto my back and raise my hips. It’s second nature, because Reita always wants that position after. He moves into me and this position is too intimate for me. His long blonde hair falling into my face. I try not to look at him.

But I won’t be a dead fish during sex. I moan softly and move my hand up into his hair. He grabs my hand and pushes it down. His lips assault mine. The thrusts get rough and I break the kiss to cry out. I scream as he bites down on my chin. My whole body is shaking as I cum and even after.

He pulls out and looks at me as he pulls the condom off. He ties it off and holds it out.

“You want it?”

“No, Reita would kill me.”

He laughs and I laugh too. He drops it in the garbage.

After cleaning off, we just lay there.

“You better be getting home,” he says.

I lay my arm over my forehead.

“I’m tired.”

He’s getting dressed and heading out of the room. I hear the TV turn on. I sit up and look around for my clothes.

After getting dressed I go out into the living room and sit on the couch by him.

“I’m going home,” I say to him as he looks at me.

The entrance way is dark as I take off my shoes. Why the hell did Reita shut the curtains? I walk almost into the living room, but I stop in my tracks. Reita is on the couch. Reita is on the couch kissing Saga. And not a quick kiss. They’re totally tonguing each other. I move back quickly and push myself against the wall. I feel tears in my eyes and I try not to blink. It hurts. It huts because I know Reita is upset with me, with the relationship. If he’s pissed and wants a new relationship to move into then why would he bother with me?

I blink and the tears move down my cheek. So I move away from the wall and start to put my shoes back on. I have to get out, I can’t stay here. I’m standing there almost leaving until I hear them walking away. Only enough time to turn around before Saga runs right into me and I trip over the shoes flying backwards and landing on my butt. He was looking the other way talking to Reita.

Reita comes in the room.

“What happened?”

“Ruki is home,” he says pointing at me.

I look down, ashamed of the tears I quickly wipe them. He turns to Saga.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he says.

I use the wall as I start to stand up. What ever my butt hit, it hurt. Reita comes over and pull me up. His face going into my hair.

“Ew, Ruki you think. Why didn’t you shower at the gym?”

I push him away. Yeah, nice to see you too. I go further into the house.

“Where are you going? Saga doesn’t need help walking to his car. He’s not a woman.”

“I’m just walking him out.”

I hear them talking then Saga leaving.

I go into the bathroom feeling pissed. He asks Saga if he’s okay before even looking at me. My eyes fall on the junk he always leaves on the vanity. With my arm I push it all into the garbage. Fuck him.

I turn the water on, giving it some time to warm up, before I undress. It doesn’t matter what I’ve done, I’m still furious with him. He’s going to come in here soon. It’s how he always is.

Reita

I see Saga out and I go into the bathroom. What the hell is he being so bitchy about? There’s no way he could have seen us. The shower is loud when I get in there. I go to the vanity to brush my teeth.

The vanity is cleared off and I look in the drawers. Sometimes he gets pissed and puts things away. Nothing there and I look towards the side. In the garbage and sprawled on the ground, are all my things. I kick the trash knocking it into the wall. I bend over and pick up everything. Throwing it on the counter not caring where it goes.

I’m so angry; I don’t even speak, as I go over to the shower. I grab the curtain and pull down. Ripping it from the hooks. He finishes rinsing off and looks over at me. My hand wraps around his neck and I shove him into the back of the shower.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I yell at him.

He pushes my arm away.

“Me?”

I turn the shower off.

“Yes you, you come home with this fucking attitude.”

“I wonder why,” his words laced with venom.

I slap his face, I can’t stand him anymore.

“I’m fucking sick of you.”

He falls into the tub, and starts to cry. I worry about why he is crying so quickly.

I grab his arm and pull him out of the tub. Ignoring his cry as his knee slams into the side.

“Shut-up!” I yell at him.

He falls on his back against the tiles.

“What the fuck are you crying for?”

“I hate you Reita. Get out. Get the fuck out.”

“Ruki,” I say getting stern with him.

“I fucking saw you kissing him, you asshole. You fucking whore!” he says viscously.

I stare down at him, before kneeling by him. I try to pull him into my arms.

“Ruki, It’s not…I’m sorry.”

He pushes me away, “get off, you just threw me out of the shower.”

I move back and stand up.

“I don’t want to talk to you or see you. So get out!”

Ruki

As soon as I got dried off I lock myself into the bedroom. There is no lock, so I push a piece of furniture in front of it. Climb into the bed and curl up. I cry more, feeling so upset with him. Such awful things he said in the bathroom.

It’s still bright out when I wake up. So I wonder if it’s morning already or it hasn’t been night yet. After getting out of bed I look at the clock. Almost dinner time.

I push the furniture out of the way and leave the room. Frowning as I notice Reita is still here sitting on the couch. He’s eating Chinese take out. Suddenly I feel dizzy so I sit on the couch by him. Not saying anything as I grab his glass of water and drink.

He’s staring at me as I set the glass down.

“I don’t feel well.”

He brings the chopsticks full of noodles to my mouth. I open my mouth.

“You should eat.”

I eat the noodles.

“There’s food in the kitchen for you.”

I lean against him.

“Ruki…”

Ignoring him, I get up and go to the kitchen. Grabbing my food, I go back to the couch. We eat together and watch some TV show. It’s almost like nothing ever happened. But it did, and the way he treated me was wrong.

I look at the almost empty glass of water.

“Reita, we need more water.”

He groans at me and looks at the glass. I smile at him as he returns with a full glass.

He stares at me.

“I’m sorry.”

The memory of the bathroom returns.

“Reita, I’m not going to forgive you right now.”

I look down at my food trying to find a piece of meat. He doesn’t say anything I continue to ignore him.

Top of the World 05/18

Sun, 06 May 2007 02:34:46 GMT

Title: Top of the World

I was surprised by that day with Ruki. Of all the times I had wanted to hit him; I’ve never actually done it. Ruki’s body flow back so quickly as my fist hit bone. It’s a little scary how much pain you could inflict on someone. Still there is an adrenaline filled shock around me.

Anymore, he’s quiet and careful. It’s as if he’s nervous I’ll hit him again. That won’t happen. The only reason it ever did was because he hit me and I couldn’t stop my reaction. Just a natural response.

He keeps glancing at me during practice. We have matching bruises covered in make-up. I’m glad no one has noticed or asked. It’s better that way. Finally our first break and a chance to talk to him.

“Why do you keep looking at me?”

“My face hurts.”

I kiss his forehead and apologize again. Oddly, he starts laughing.

“What?”

Ruki just smiles and I’m afraid he’ll go into some long explanation. He just shakes his head and says nothing. He bounds for his phone as the familiar jingle starts. I give a weird look as he goes to take the call in private. I’m always a little curious when he does that. I trust him but it’s just strange.

So quietly he comes in the room, I don’t notice until he’s in my lap. He kisses my neck and places his hands delicately on my shoulders. My curiousity about the phone call heightened. He kisses my chin causing my head to move up.

I put an end to it as he goes to nibble on my chin. Our eyes meet.

“What?”

“Uh, my parents are coming to dinner.”

“Tonight?”

He shakes his head.

“Tomorrow.”

“Do you need me to say at Uruha’s?”

He looks down fiddling with my sleeve.

“I’d like you to stay home.”

I frown and he glances up at me. “Reita, it won’t be that bad.”

“Are you going to cook for them?”

He sighs, “I can make spaghetti.”

I chew on my nail a little and watch him.

“What am I supposed to do when they start in on your age and how you don’t have a girlfriend? And they’ll want to know why I live with you.”

His head sinks, obviously he’s frustrated. The mess of dread is soon resting against my shoulder. He sighs, “Reita,” My hands run down the side of his dark blue button up shirt. His sexy legs clad in blue jeans just as dark. He laughs softly.

“Don’t.”

Uruha comes into the room loudly. Slapping Ruki’s shoulders as he walks by.

“You girls get up we have to practice.”

Ruki climbs off of me and grabs his coffee to drink it.

“We brought you coffee.”

Uruha grabs the one marked for him and sits by me.

“You can continue if you want.”

Ruki crawls over and sits in between us. Flashing Uruha a smile and laughing as he pushes him out of the way.

“Really?” he asks laying his head back to look at the blonde. He squeals as Uruha pulls him into his lap.

“Surprise sex,” he yells as he starts to hump Ruki. He giggles until they start moaning with each other like they’re really doing it. Uruha gets bored quickly and pushes him off.

“Okay enough playing, I’m going to look for Kai,” he says as he stands up to leave.

Ruki lays his head on my lap, panting softly.

“That was fun wasn’t it?”

My hand slips down in between Ruki’s legs. A faint blush is apparent on his face. It’s cruel and I’m not sure why I’m even capable of doing it. He watches me so unsuspectingly. I grab his balls and twist. Instantly his head is in thrown against my stomach. His scream muffled as he begs me to stop.

I let go and I feel his wet tears through my shirt.

“Try to not be such a slut.”

Ruki gets up and wipes tears from his eyes.

“Jesus. Reita. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He quickly leaves the room and goes outside.

I sigh and stare across the room. Wondering why I had got that mad at him. Why was I so insanely jealous? They were only playing. I need to stop it and apologize to Ruki.

I’ll skip to the family dinner. Since that’s when Ruki is willing to talk to me again. I’m allowed to sleep in the bed again. He’s been cleaning since we got back from work. The boy’s almost done cooking too.

The vocalist is so nervous. I watch him from the couch. His movements distract me from my book.

“Ruki,”

He stops and looks over at me.

“Baby, come sit down.”

He sits down, tilts his head back and looks up at me.

“What?”

I pull him into my lap and into a tight hug. He squirms as I place soft kisses on his neck.

I tease around his ear.

“You’re nervous.”

No questions are asked as I unbuckle his pants and push them down. My eyes stare at the dark hair contrasting with his pale skin. The pants are pushed a little more so I can spread his legs. I gently rub his balls and he groans. I kiss him.

I stroke his penis and enjoy the limited range his legs have.

“I’ll help you relax,”

He lifts his hips up as I pull my pants down. I grab lubricant from the couch and quickly put it on. He moans loudly as I slide my dick in him.

“Reita…” he says breathlessly.

Clumsily he rides me. He seems unsure where to put his hands to keep his balance. I kiss his neck and rub him through his shirt.

“I feel good?” he asks breathlessly.

My hand goes up his shirt to play with his nipple. I groan and lift my hips so I can thrust into him. My grip around his is tight and he moans become louder and louder.

The stove beeps and he jumps off me so quickly. A weird feeling. He doesn’t make it far tripping over his pants.

“Reita! I can’t burn the food.”

A normal person would pull up their pants but he just pushes them off completely.

I look down at the slickness on my dick. Not wanting to put my hand on it while I’m waiting. He’s banging things in the kitchen. I get up and go into the kitchen. Watching his naked ass running around.

“Ruki,”

“Just a minute,” he says taking care of a few things.

“Hey, whoever gets back to the room first gets to be on top.”

Competition he like that. Ruki runs to the room laughing. I follow him, my eyes on his butt. He jumps on the bed, and jumps around looking down at me.

“You’re a loser.”

I get onto the bed. “Okay, so how do you want me?”

He stops jumping and looks down at me. He stares mouth open and sits down.

“In me,” he says as he lays back and spreads his legs. I crawl up to him and push his legs apart more. My head goes in between them. Lips pressing against his soft skin. He twitches and my licks become more forceful. I hold his hips in place and listen to his loud whining.

Ruki is sick; he enjoys this nasty deed so much. Practically howling by the time I stop. I move above him and feel his quivering legs around me.

I kiss him right on his lips.

“Reita, I need it now.”

Quickly I thrust into him.

“Reita,” his hand goes into air, his fingers curling.

He moans beautifully as I fuck him kissing and licking his neck. I thrust harder pushing his chin with my tongue.

“You feel so good.”

I lick his ear as I cum in him. He squeals and I feel his legs wrap quickly around me.

I pull away and he looks sad. I say in him and look down at his naked chest. A perverted smile crosses my face as I watch him cum. After slapping his leg I look over at the clock.

“Come on, you’re parents will be here soon.”

I move on the bed and throw the tissues to him. I do up my pants and straighten up my shirt.

I bring in his pants from the living room. He’s moved to the bathroom to rinse himself off. His belt is loud as I set it on the vanity counter. The buckle clanging against it. I lean against the counter.

“Hey sexy,”

He stares at me before grabbing his clothes. I watch him dress as he frowns.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

He smiles and walks pass me slapping my stomach.

“I guess I am sexy.”

Not then did I get the comment. Just thought he was being weird. But with some of my recent insults I had really hurt his self esteem.

Dinner goes off well. Ruki’s mom is glad to see him and curious about what we’ve been doing. His father seems interesting in our band. At first, he didn’t approve, but now that he sees his soon is making good money, he’s proud. Still he’s father tells us to be careful and save our money.

Ruki worked really hard on it. After dinner, I walk behind him as he’s wiping down the counter. I press myself against his back and place my arms perpendicular on his stomach. My face resting next to his head. My mouth on his ear.

“Ruki, it was good,” I kiss his cheek and his hands fold over mine. He turns his head and our lips meet in passion. The kiss taking us away from the room. The people in it.

Quickly he turns around and pushes me back.

“Reita!”

I realize that his parents are indeed in the room. His eyes look at me scared. I stare back, not knowing if I should turn around. His parents are quiet so I turn around to see if they are upset.

They watch us and glance back at each other.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, Reita just snuck up on me and I was a little shocked.”

It’s been so relaxing since they left. Such a long day. And to think his parents almost found out about us.

Ruki’s curled up on the couch next to me. Practically asleep. During the commercial I glance over at him. He looks like such a baby, so much of his hair is in his face. I rub the back of his leg. As soon as I do, he asks, “what?”

“You should go to bed before you fall asleep.”

He yawns. “I won’t fall asleep.”

Typical Ruki, he’ll be out in a minute. He moves over, reorients himself and plops his head in my lap.

“Um…”

“Now you can’t go to bed without me.”

I yawn and turn off the TV.

“I’m whipped.”

AN: I wish FireFox would stop being an Ass Hat when I'm trying to update. It closes because of that stupid survery about 3 times. It shouldn't take me so long just to get an update up. It might be a bit before the next update. I don't have anything else written. Japanese class starts next week, so I'll have to see how I am time wise.

Top of The World 04/18

Thu, 03 May 2007 00:26:17 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Ruki

I was just walking down the street. Early morning, it was chilly. I was smiling, happy. Looking at new clothes for spring. It’s typical; I was unaware of my surroundings.

I don’t hear the van pull up or the door being opened. My body is grabbed so violently. My arms locked and a cloth bag pulled over my head. I’m dragged into the van and slammed hard into the floor.

I scream and struggle against the man holding me down. For a second I think I’m having a nightmare. I hear Reita’s smooth calm voice.

“Shh…Ruki.”

With the bag removed I stare into Reita’s face feeling no comfort at all.

“I did everything you asked. You still want this?”

The realization hits me like a brick. My heart speeds up so fast and I think I’m going to cry. Reita’s hand is on my heart.

“I need you to calm down first.”

A deep breath and I try to calm down. He kisses the base of my jaw.

“Don’t let me get hurt,” I whisper in his ear.

Time passes; I don’t remember my clothes being discarded. My eyes are watching Reita’s dark standing figure. They have me hard and affixed with a cock ring. Quite torturous. Uruha is in me. He’s slammed my hips around a little. I wish he would be a rougher. It doesn’t feel real. I’ve always wanted to have sex with Uruha. I wanted to kiss those lips. But Reita said there would be no kissing.

“Hey babe,”

My eyes open and look up to see Reita. I look around at the practice room. He sets the cups of coffee down. Suddenly his mouth is on mine and he licks my chin. I wipe my face as he moves back. Before I ask he answers.

“You were drooling.”

“You’re sick.”

He sits down and we enjoy our coffee. The rest would be in soon. Reita is engaging in his weird behavior again; just staring down at my body. I cross my legs starting to feel uncomfortable. He looks away.

Kai walks in and he smiles at us.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, Kai,” we both say.

I get up as I start to feel restless. Uruha’s guitar is over there. I pick it up and sit on the ground with it. His pick is shoved under string. I pull it out and start to play.

I don’t pay attention as someone else walks in the room. Uruha or Aoi. I look up as an ominous shadow blocks my light. Uruha kicks me sharply in my leg.

“Ruki, put it back.”

“Ow.”

I’m trying to get up and he won’t stop kicking me. I throw the guitar off of me and get a good distance away from him. It hurt; I still had a bad bruise on my hip.

I know Reita is following me out the room.

“Ruki,”

I turn back to him.

“Leave me alone.”

He turns back and heads towards the room. “Uruha…”

I pull my pants down in the bathroom and try to angle myself in front of it to get a good view. The bruise is faded and yellow. The center is still a dark purple. There are red spots from Uruha’s shoes. I jump as the water at the next sink turn on. I look over at Aoi standing there.

He stares at me as he washes his hands. I pull on my pants, feeling ashamed about my body. The water turns off and he dries his hands.

“Did Reita do that?”

“No.”

I start to leave.

“Ruki.”

Aoi doesn’t know about it at all. I don’t want to talk about it.

“Ask Reita or Ruki if you want to know.”

“Uruha did this?”

I’m already walking out. He’s following me. Reita’s outside of the room waiting. The blonde walks towards me and hugs me. He smiles at Aoi and I assume he’s waving.

Reita moves back and he keeps an arm around me as we all walk into the practice room. Aoi is watching me curiously. I ignore him trying to get through the practice fro the day.

It’s the worst feeling; after someone is done having sex with you and there’s another person to do it again.

I’m stretched further and thrown around again. Their faces I avoid as they do this to me. I couldn’t look at Reita. Moans escape my mouth because it’s natural to do.

“Ruki,” I seem to have been sleeping. I open my eyes and look around.

“Break’s over,” Aoi says.

He sits on the couch next to me. He’s watching me as he crosses his legs, and places his hands on his knees.

“Uruha told me. Why would you do that?”

I take a deep breath.

“Things happen. Where is everyone?”

“Late from break. Ruki…”

“It’s done, what do you want me to say?”

“Are you really okay?”

I glare back at him, I don’t’ want to talk about this. He grabs my hand and reluctantly I let him.

“Come to my house after work.”

“By myself?”

“You can bring Reita,” Aoi says even though he feels Ruki will say no.

“Fine, I’ll come.”

There was a short goodbye to Reita in the hallway. A hug and a kiss. I promise to not arrive home too late. Reita tells me not to worry because he will visit Uruha. He hasn’t seen him in a while.

Aoi’s house is quiet. I’m uncomfortably perched on the couch. He brings back a cup of tea for me and goes back to his favorite chair. Not wasting anytime he asks.

“So what happened?”

I don’t want to talk about it. How I let myself be gang banged like some dumb slutty school girl. I take a deep breath not sure if I’ll answer or not.

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because if someone’s hurting you, I’d like to know.”

He moves to sit by me on the couch, moving his hand to my thigh.

“Ruki,” he begins.

I look over at him frowning.

“How are things with Reita?”

“These past few weeks have been rough. But we’re back to normal.”

I get quiet thinking about when Reita had pushed me. Then he just acts like he might decide to leave. Why come back suddenly? What’s going on in his head? I think Aoi’s been talking but I’ve missed it.

“He hasn’t hurt you, Ruki?”

I ignore some small things.

“He hasn’t.”

I stay quiet, thinking things over. Aoi is drinking his tea.

“Are you hungry at all?” he asks.

I nod at him.

“We should get dinner,” he suggests as he stands up and goes in the kitchen. He grabs a menu off the fridge and returns.

“This place is pretty good.”

Aoi is back by the couch and we look over the menu. After we pick out what we want he goes to order.

It’s during dinner when I finally tell him about how it first came up. How Reita actually decided to go through with it. Perhaps it isn’t the greatest dinner topic. I think Aoi can handle it. For so long he’s quiet, just listening. It worries me.

“What’s the problem if you wanted it and Reita wanted to do it for you?”

I sigh, thinking life wouldn’t be if it worked out simply.

“I’m not sure I wanted it and I think Reita’s having territory issues.”

Aoi laughs almost spitting out his food.

“You make it sound like he’s peeing on the carpet.”

I don’t laugh because my mood too down to even crack a smile. Aoi’s face becomes serious.

“Ruki,”

A frown is stretched across my face as I stare down, holding back my tears. It happens though, my shoulder lurch forward and I just start to cry. My hand moves up to cover my face and prevent Aoi from seeing.

Aoi

Whatever Reita said to him must have really hurt, to make him cry like that. I start to feel bad for ever laughing during the conversation. I stand up and go to hug Ruki. Pulling the reluctant head to my chest.

“It’s okay, don’t cry,” I plead soothingly to him.

Reita must have not liked the idea that someone else had sex with Ruki. No one wants to share their lover, or watch them be fucked by a group of people. And Ruki had wanted just that. It’s not something I’d ever let Ruki know. But if I were Reita I would have just left.

Ruki

Quite a few minutes pass as I just cry. Feeling afraid of Reita. Aoi does something strange and I let it happen. Of course I seem like a whore that just offers myself up. Like I’m easy. I don’t protest as he kisses me roughly, pushing me up onto the table. I stare widely at him as he pulls back.

“What does Uruha have to do with this?”

“He…” I pause trying to choose my words carefully, although there’s only one way to say it. “He fucked me first.”

Aoi sucks on my neck and I gasp.

“No one invited me. I would have done you.”

“Aoi. I…”

“He already thinks you’re a whore, why not?”

I bite my lip and he watches me.

“I don’t want to.”

His hand spreads my legs and feels up my thigh.

“Stop,” I yell as I push him away.

“See, you’re not. You turned me down.”

I spit the spike from his lip ring into my hand and hold it out for him. He takes it and screws it back on. The door opens and Kai walks in.

“Hey, Ruki’s here. On the table.”

Aoi turns around, smoothly, slowly, as if nothing ever happened.

“Yeah, he seemed upset. So I invited him over to talk.”

“Aoi tried but he wasn’t very helpful,” I say.

“Oh well, let me give you a ride home, the car’s still warm.”

I get off the table and gather my thing.

“Thanks for dinner, Aoi. And Kai, I’ll be okay to take the bus.”

“No, I’ll give you…” he stops and stares at me.

Oh shit, does Aoi wear lipstick or something?

“What’s on your neck?”

Shit.

He moves closer to inspect. My heart speeds up and I try to not look it.

“I don’t know.”

“Reita’s having territorial issues.” Aoi says.

My jaw drops; Aoi isn’t a good person to talk to.

“He’s marking his territory.”

I rush to the door.

“Better catch that bus,” I offer as I run outside.

I’m thankful to see Reita isn’t home yet. My heart is still beating a little too fast. I undress in the bathroom, as it has been lately. My eyes trail to the bruises. I sigh and get in the shower to rinse off. Taking a bath would help me to calm down.

I’m back in front of the mirror looking at my body as water is running in the background. Looking at my face, I decide I’m in need of a shave. So I get the things together and start to shave.

I never really let a mustache or beard grow in. I wonder what it would look like. But the management probably wouldn’t like it. And Reita would complain about chaffing. He can be intolerable sometimes.

“Hey Ruki,” I hear from the hallway and I know that Reita is home.

The door opens and he stares at me.

“Shaving naked?”

I rinse off the blonde.

“Thought I could take care of it all right now.”

He moves closer and moves his fingers though my pubic hair.

“You’re all sweaty, Ruki.”

I push him back and lean over the counter to get a good view as I shave my neck.

“People have sweaty crotches.”

He walks over to the tub.

“You’re going to take a bath?”

I pull the razor back, “yeah.”

I rinse the rest of the shaving cream off and dry my face.

I step back, right into Reita.

“Hey!” I say looking back at him.

His arms slip around my stomach and a hand trails into my pubic hair again. I groan and lay my head back on his shoulder.

“What’s that on your neck?”

“Wha…”

His touching slows to a stop and I straighten up a little.

“What?”

“What’s on your neck?”

“Huh?”

I look in the mirror. My hand goes to cover it. I stand and go to the bath tub.

He walks towards me with a smile on his face.

“Where are you going?”

I climb into the tub and lean back.

“You know when a cat gets in your lap and she’s rubbing he head all over you being friendly. Then she just bites your neck?”

“Okay, so the cat did that?” He asks, pointing at it and looking kind of silly.

“No, Aoi bit me.”

His eyes widen and he must think I’m crazy. His hands move to trace over it. Then it moves over and slides through my hair.

“The thing I let you do was an exception. And whatever you did with Aoi, I forgive you. But I won’t share you,” his voice is soft and emotionless. Just the way he wants it to be. He seizes my neck forcibly and tilts my neck up until our eyes lock. It would have less hurtful if he would have just called me a slut or a whore.

“Try to keep your little legs closed.”

He lets go and I look down at the blue water.

“I didn’t let him do anything,” I defend myself.

Reita is undressing. “Well, that’s good.”

I pout. “Can’t I take a bath alone?”

He sits in my lap and stares at me. I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath. His fingers slide down my stomach teasing me. I ignore him and try to relax. He’s crushing my butt into the bottom of the tub. His warm body shifts above me, so now he’s lying on top of me.

It’s been such a long day, I could fall asleep. The water is so warm; his comfortable body is hugging me. He feels so needy and innocent. I like these moments. When he’s so vulnerable.

“What did you do with Uruha?” I ask.

He opens his eyes and looks up at me.

“Played PS3, ate dinner.”

I sigh and adjust myself a little under him.

“Oh, did you have fun.”

“Of course,” he says quiet.

Our peaceful bath didn’t last very long. He still needs to claim me. So that leaves us in the bedroom. Me on my knees and him pounding hard into the back of me. I moaned and cry. It had been a while since he had been in me. My body so sensitive from the lack of activity.

Good things don’t last. He stares at me laying on my back and panting. My legs spread and they feel slightly sore.

“You’re loose,” he comments.

My eyes open not sure if I heard it right.

“What?”

He repeats. I sit up quickly and glare at him.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s to be expected after sleeping with all those people.”

I slap his face so hard that he falls off balance.

“Reita…” I scold him.

His eyes stare madly as he gets his balance back. Quickly he makes a fist. That strong fist crushes my cheek and sends me back.

I cry out, covering my check as my eyes fill with tears. I stare at him. He’s moving in closer to me. My frail legs are pulled up, shielding my body from him.

I grab his hand, catching his attention. His eyes stare at me. The moment is too intense. This is his first time hitting me. My shaky legs spread and I bring my hand to his entrance.

“It’s fine,” I say through clenched teeth as I shove the fingers in. His stares down at his hand and tires to pull away. I thrust his fingers inside.

“I don’t feel loose,” I say not caring as the blood drips from my mouth.

He gets his hand free.

“Ruki!”

I push onto my knees and move closer.

“Take it back,” I say coldly.

His eyes wide as I rub myself up his leg. He pushes me away.

My arm is grabbed and he pulls me off the bed roughly. There’s this fear because I don’t know what he’ll do.

Reita stands there watching me clean out my mouth. Rinsing the blood out before sticking a rag in there to stop the bleeding.

He’s grabbing me again. I sense no anger and he’s being gentle. I’m pulled to his chest and he hugs me. The room quiet and chilly as he holds me.

“I didn’t mean it,” he says.

Top of the World 03/18

Wed, 02 May 2007 20:10:45 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Ruki

Reita is watching me more closely than I care for. I thought I would be grateful that he wasn’t running off. He’s just there in the kitchen watching me sit on the couch. The TV’s on but turned down. I’m trying to write lyrics.

I look up. It feels like his eyes are burning holes in me.

“Reita!”

My voice shocks him and our eyes meet.

“What the fuck are you looking at?”

Reita sighs and walks towards me. His hand reaches out to ruffle my hair and he yawns.

“Don’t be so moody,” he says before sitting next to me.

I look up at him. It’s a little unexpected. He moves his head down and kisses me. I don’t return the kiss and I move back.

“Let’s go out tonight,” he says.

But he doesn’t wait for my answer. He grabs the back of my head, so I can’t move back as he kisses me this time. I kiss him back savoring his taste.

He lets go and I lick my lips.

“Go out where?”

“To a bar with the rest of the band. You can dance.”

“Maybe I’m busy.”

He pulls the notebook from my lap. There’s no reason to stop him, he’ll end up reading it eventually.

“You want to stay home and do this?” He asks as he stares at me.

It’s just a second until he gets me to agree.

Reita

Later I’m thinking it would have been better to leave him at home. I wasn’t watching him and he was getting drink after drink. Not until he was struggling to get off his chair and Kai was asking me to help him to get to and to use the bathroom.

I grab Ruki around his waist and lead him to the bathroom. So this shouldn’t be hard. Help him onto the toilet and help him wash his hands. Sometimes drunk people are like children. He’s on the toilet and he’s just staring up at me.

“Aren’t you going to pee?”

“I have to do something else.”

And in a second I know what he’s doing. If he wouldn’t fall and crack his head I would just leave him in there by himself.

Let’s just say Ruki ruined my night. I had to clean him up. Worst I had to explain to the rest of them why I was dragging him out of there. He was upset and refusing to leave with me. Then once we’re on the train, he’s hanging all over me like nothing ever happened.

Ruki is sitting at the back of the tub, his head lolling drunkenly on his shoulder. I’m showering, but I realize once I got him in here he was too drunk to do anything.

I’m too tired to do much of anything.

“Reita. Reita come here.”

I kneel in front of him.

“Do you need something?”

I notice his erection. “You.”

I get an evil idea. My eyes fall to the exposed pucker in between his legs. I grab the shampoo bottle. I slip it between his legs. I push the lid up inside of him. He moans.

It’s mean, but I think being drunk makes you that way. A common shampoo bottle, the cap is small and round. The bottle a much larger circle. His jaw drops as I push it in, past the small cap.

“Ow, Reita. No.”

He’s too drunk to see what I’m doing to him.

He whines and his face gets red. He’s getting upset. I pull it out and turn away. Seeing a small line of red down it, I quickly rinse it off. When I look back, he’s rubbing his finger over his butt. I move closer to him.

“Are you okay?”

His bloody hand comes up and he slaps me across the face. My mouth drops open and I grab my cheek. He pushes my hand down and slaps me again.

“I am not that drunk.”

I stand up and pull him with me. The water is turned off and we get out. He sits on the ground as I dry myself off.

“Ruki, dry off.”

He stares up at me. “Come on, Ruki, you need to drink some water.”

Finally we get into bed. It took a while with Ruki. He kept getting up as I was getting ready for bed. Smoking cigarettes and playing around. I pull the cigarette out of his hand and put it out. He was going to end up burning the bed.

Once I get him settled, I climb in next to him. He’s on his back and me on my side. I put my arm around him and lay my head on his chest. His arm is around me.

“We drank too much tonight,” I tell him.

I start to drift into sleep as he plays with my hair.

“Reita,”

I glance up at his chin. He begins to laugh. It’s a strong laugh and his chest is shaking. I laugh too because it’s contagious.

“I’ll hit you harder the next time you shove something in my butt that doesn’t belong.”

Top of The World 02/18

Wed, 02 May 2007 17:51:12 GMT

Title: Top of the World

Reita

It’s hard to accept what Ruki wanted. I did it for him. But it still makes me feel sick. All those men in him, fucking him. I want to make it work, so I just let him be in me. I’m so in love with him. I still remember when my crush blossomed.

I was sitting in the locker room after a fan club live, just resting. I look up and see the most beautiful thing. Ruki was there in just a towel. His body still wet from his shower. I don’t say a word as he pulls off the towel and sets it on the bench. He stands there completely naked looking in his locker and thinking.

He’s completely unaware that I’m here. His hand goes to play in his pubic hair before he pulls his bag out of the locker. He gets dressed and I’m sad about how short the peep show is.

I come to my senses and realize I can’t watch him anymore. I yawn and make as much noise as I can as I get up to walk over to him. This has to be convincing. As I get in his view, I jump back a little.

“Ruki! I didn’t know anyone was in here still.”

He looks at me shocked.

“Where did you come from?”

I blush at him about how I was watching him a few seconds ago. The blushing fits the situation though.

“I was so tired; I thought I’d rest my eyes before I left. I must have fallen asleep.”

Ruki stares at me as he gets his jacket on. He’s dressing to leave.

“It’s late, the trains have stopped,” He says as he checks his wallet. “I’ll have to get a taxi, unless, Reita you want to give me a ride.”

I smile at his bluntness. Maybe he knows that I was watching him.

“Your apartment is far. I’m tired. I’ll give you a ride back to my place.”

“Okay,” he says nodding.

“You can stay the night,” I tell him.

He smiles up at me, his eyes closing slightly.

“Thank you.”

Ruki seems slightly uncomfortable in our apartment. Uruha and I are doing our best to make him comfortable. When did he become so meek? We were sitting on the couch watching TV. Unfortunately Uruha had the remote. Occasionally Ruki would look up at me like he wanted something.

“Hey, do you want something?”

He looks up at me. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“Oh, sorry.”

I get up and lead him to the kitchen. “Come on.”

He’s hesitant to search on his own. So I look through the fridge.

“Hey Uruha, how old is this pizza?” I yell into the living room.

“Uh…not sure.”

“If you don’t know…”Ruki starts.

I set the plate down.

“There’s some instant ramen.”

I grab it from the cabinet and hand it to Ruki.

We go back to the couch and he seems satisfied with his food. It’s nice having someone other than Uruha to watch TV with. Uruha stands up and sets the remote on Ruki’s leg.

“Going to bed,” he mumbles and heads for his room.

“Are you tired?” I ask Ruki.

He frowns like something is bothering him. He nods at me.

“You don’t want to sleep on the couch, do you?”

He looks down at it.

“There isn’t much of a choice.”

“You can sleep in my bed.”

“But I don’t want to put you out.”

“We’ll sleep together if you don’t mind.”

He gets up. “Thanks.”

The room felt a little warmer having someone else in the bed. His back is facing towards me. I lay on my side watching him. I felt excited having him in bed.

Having a crush is becoming overwhelming. Perhaps inviting him in bed was a bad idea. I can’t wait any longer to confess I have him in we’re alone. Slowly I move closer to him until my back is pressed against him. My arm goes over his chest. He grunts, I must have awakened him. My heart is beating so fast.

“Hmm,” he turns his head and looks up at me sheepishly. “What are you doing?”

“Do you mind if I hold you?” I ask my voice deep and calm. I won’t let him know how nervous I am.

“It’s kind of gay, Reita.”

I sigh because Ruki is unknowingly making this harder for me.

“What do you think of men?”

“What about men?”

Ruki’s tired, he’s being dense. I’ll just say it.

“Ruki, I really like you. I want to have you as my boyfriend.”

I was looking away, I didn’t see his smile. He rolls over in my arms. A hand placed on my chin and he kisses me. All along and I thought may be Ruki didn’t like me that much.

We don’t’ have sex that night, we just lie in each other’s arms. The relation was like for a few months. There was no sex, but we kissed and were affectionate.

With the memory of that Ruki, I can’t leave him. He’s so sweet and cute. I can’t get over the contempt I feel for him now. There’s still that sick image of those men violating what belongs to me. Something sweet and innocent that doesn’t need to be around that.

I look over at him as he tries to cook something. He’s bombarding me with questions. Does he really think I have my head together that much? He looks so sad. It was mean for me to leave him for so long. But I did really want to let go.

“Don’t worry,” I say to him. Ruki is stupid sometimes. He didn’t even know how men had sex with each other. I remember how scared he was the first time. So how does someone like that develop rape fantasies?

After sucking him off, I was lubing up my fingers. His eyes watched me curiously and cautiously.

“Spread your legs and lift your hips up a little.”

“Why?”

I tsk at him and he does what I just told him to do. A finger slides in and he makes a face. Soon I’m thrusting in two fingers and he’s panting and squirming his little virgin body around.

I get into position in between his legs and plant a kiss on his mouth. He looks up at me confused. I’m lubing up and equipped with a condom. My tip is at his quivering entrance. He’s shaking all over and I don’t think I can do this.

“Ru…babe you need to calm down.”

“You’re going to have sex in my butt?” he asks, sounding a little stupid in this situation.

“Of course, Ruki.”

“Ah, people do that?”

I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I don’t know if he’s serious.

“That’s how we’ll have sex. You’ll like it, I promise.”

Ruki was young and naïve. I knew I shouldn’t even tell anyone about this. It’s supposed to be a secret.

I ask him if he’s ready before I enter him. His nails dig into my back, and he screams. Then he’s crying. I pull out; I have no heart to have sex with a crying man. He wipes his tears away.

“Reita, it’s okay. I want to try this.”

So after some more preparation, I try again. He’s more relaxed and I slide in easily. I groan at his tightness. He whimpers and forces his eyes open.

“Reita,”

I begin to thrust into him. He groans and I can tell he’s feeling some pain.

I place small kisses on his neck and keep my thrusts slow and gentle. His panting is frantic and he doesn’t even know what it’s really like to be fucked. I kiss his chin and then move up to his mouth. Such a quiet person during sex, it’s cute. I’ll make him scream my name. His lips are soft as I suck on his upper lip.

I move away to let his breath. My mouth moves to tease his ear. Licking around the earrings and delving into his lobe. He gasps and tries to squirm away from me. His hand grabs at my wrist distracting me. I watch as he pulls it down to his penis. My fingers wrap around and squeeze.

“Ruki,” I whisper before I start to thrust harder.

I rub him off while he really starts to respond to our sex. He’s moaning loudly and whispers my name.

“I’ll make you feel good, baby.” I whisper in his ear.

I feel his hot cum on my stomach. I smile widely and rub my face against his neck. A few more thrusts and I finish off in him. But I don’t pull out and I just hold him in my arms.

“Ruki,” I whisper as I look down at him.

His face is wet and looks so tired.

“You’re not a virgin anymore.”

He blushes and takes a deep breath. I pull out and lay on my back next to him. My hand slides over his as we try to cool off.

How did we end up like this all these years later?

Top of The World 01/??

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 04:26:37 GMT

Title: Top of the World

I don’t know how I managed to only realize this now. Reita had been pissed since that day. All this time building up in him and he’s exploding now. Simple ideas can lead to complex situation.

I’m crying. Shaking uncontrollably on the cold bathroom floor. It’s the only room in the house with a lock. He hit me and I ran. That was the climax of the verbal abuse. It’s a simple barrier, anyone could break through it.

He’s in and it’s unavoidable. I scoot back futilely. This was why I didn’t bother to hide. There’s no use. I scream as he grabs onto my hair. My body struggling weakly against him. I swear he has the intent to pull the weave of dreads out.

Of course there’s a beginning to this. A definite cause. There’s was a time just after it happened.

I sneaked into the house, our apartment. I never felt more relieved at his absent. My mind far from the idea about where he had gone. Uruha only stayed with me for a few minutes.

First thing was to shower and clean every where on my body. I thought I wanted it. It seemed like a nice sex fantasy. But in reality it got out of hand. Now I was left feeling violated and stupid. I don’t know why he chooses that time to listen.

I couldn’t help it then, I had to spend time crying. It was supposed to be more controlled and structured. I should have reach out to him and told him I was upset.

I feel in a more normal state when he arrived home. I found myself surprised to see Saga with him. Because of my old sweatpants and t-shirt, I felt suddenly embarrassed. I had just stained it while making dinner.

“Hey babe,” Reita says to me.

I can’t help but light up a little when he hugs me.

“I brought Saga with me. I have some things to give him for his bass.”

My arms stay around him as I look up at Saga.

“Hello Saga. You should stay for dinner.”

A timer goes off in the kitchen and I cuss to myself before running off to take care of it. There’s so much in my head it takes a minute to register what I need to do. I don’t know what causes it. This brain fog.

They’re in the house looking for whatever as I try to get this together. Reita makes messes everywhere. It drives me nuts. I’ll end up having to clean after dinner.

It calms down after dinner. Saga leaves and I thought we’d get some time together. My body cozies up to his. I watch the TV feeling bored. TV shows are preferable to sports. At least in my mind.

I move fully into his lap, my body facing him. My head lies in the crook of his neck. He’s off today or maybe just tired. He doesn’t hug me at all.

“Rei…”

He squeezes my hips.

“Shh…”

“Why’d you do it?”

“I’ve always had this little fantasy,” I confess.

My legs tangled in a mess of pale tangerine sheets. My slender body intertwined with my lovers. I smile at Reita, his eyes downcast. Did I really want to communicate this?

His chin rubs against my head.

“I wanted to make you happy.”

Happiness. Maybe we shouldn’t bother trying to understand.

I’d start before hesitating again. Trying to choose my words carefully.

“It’s almost like a rape fantasy.”

You almost wouldn’t notice. The slight twitch it caused him. Already, he was disgusted, but he says nothing.

“I…” My voice is so strained. “Just being pulled off the street into some dark van without windows. A group of men holding me down and pulling my clothes off. They’ll take turns violating me.”

Reita looks down and back. His face says, “Are you fucking serious?”

There’s an ocean of silence between us. My heart is beating so fast I feel like I’ll throw up.

“You want some strangers to pull you in an unfamiliar place, violate you, give you AIDS or some nasty STD, then beat you to death?”

“Rei!” I whine, “it’s not like that.”

“Dinner was good,” Reita says as the commercials start.

I look up at him.

“Really? I just threw some things together.”

It was easier to just avoid what happened this morning. Not to ask why Reita and Uruha left suddenly in the middle of it. Then it was only Uruha there afterwards.

“Everyone off! Out!” Uruha commands, causing the men to scatter. I sit up and he’s shoving my clothes at me. Uruha waits outside the van smoking a cigarette. Maybe it’s the cold when I get out there. But I’m shaking uncontrollably. My heart is racing. So is my mind. What the fuck had I just done?

“Where’s Reita?”

“He had to take care of something.”

Uruha watches me, my shaking, and my behavior. Soon I’m pulled into a hug.

“Are you regretting things?”

“Is Reita mad?”

“It’s hard for him.”

Whatever that means. It will become clearer.

“Ruki,”

I look up.

“Can I check you out?”

“What?” I ask worry apparent in my voice.

“Take your clothes off and lay down on the bed.”

I look down feeling embarrassed and ashamed. But I guess he has the right to see.

I slowly get off and he’s follows me into the room. I undress slowly before climbing on the bed and lying on my back. It’s cold and he moves onto the bed. He grabs my arm, feeling it up and down. Checking over for bruises. There on my hand and wrist.

He frowns and I start to shiver. He grabs the blanket and pulls it up over my lower half. He looks over my chest and stomach. Then over my other arm. The blanket is thrown the other way. Over my upper half and face. I free my face from under it so I can still watch him.

I wince as he rubs the nasty bruise on my hip. Maybe I was thrown around too much. He feels down my leg and then back up the other.

“Pull your legs up and spread them.”

I do what he says. But I keep my eyes to the side. It’s embarrassing. It’s bruised all up the bottom of my thigh and my area. He frowns so deeply.

“Ruki…” he says in disbelief.

I put my legs down and cover myself with the blanket. So much I just want to cry right now. He sighs and leaves the room. In your head, things tend to work out better. Still, I just think what have I done.

I shiver and I wrap the blanket tighter. In a few minutes, he’s back with some lotion. Really, I could do it myself.

“I put on a pot of tea,’ he says as he hands me the lotion.

“This should help the bruises heal.”

I pull it under the abyss of blanket. He joins me under the blanket.

“Are you tired?” he asks.

I move closer ignoring the rough fabric against my skin.

“I’m exhausted.”

He kisses my forehead.

He’s gone getting the tea. I put the lotion on before getting dressed. Why does the apartment have to be so fucking cold? I stand in the kitchen and watch Reita. He surprises me sometimes. It was just some thing I said. Off hand, I didn’t think he was listening. Now my body is all fucked up and I’m not sure if it was ever worth it.

“Hey baby,” he says as he notices me in the room. I smile at him, and grab a tea cup. We wait for it to finish brewing before we pour it.

“You left Reita.”

He stares at me from the other side of the table. I thought he’d admit it. Just say he was in over his head. There’s disappointment when he answers.

“I had some place to be.”

I couldn’t argue that. Would I ask him what’s more important than me? The answer would be the world doesn’t revolve around you. I don’t want to get into that. Being called self-centered.

“Rei…”

“Hmm?”

I didn’t know what to say. He shouldn’t have left me in there. Ruki stands up and leaves the room.

“Hey, Ruki.”

The blonde goes to sit on the couch. He changes the channel, trying to find something watch.

Reita follows him into the room. He stands there just watching Ruki. Did the blonde have any guilt? Did he have any regret? Or had he really liked the whole thing?

Thos brown eyes just stare at me. I become nervous as I try to figure out what’s going on. He looks back at the TV.

“Do you want something?”

“I think I’m going to go out for a bit.”

“What? Reita, it’s past nine. We have work in the morning.”

“So, I’ll be there in the morning.”

But Reita didn’t come back that night. I actually went a few weeks with him gone. I saw him at work, but I can’t ask him why he had not come home yet.

It was break time and it was just Reita and me in the room. It felt so awkward. How had my lover gotten so far from me?

“Rei…”

He looks over at me from the couch. I stand in front of him. I’m getting nervous. My heart beating so fast.

“Come home tonight. I’ve missed you.”

I thought that would work on him. But his response is very cold.

“Why should I bother?”

My heart sinks. Where is Reita? Who is this person in his place? I climb into his lap to hug him. Reita just can’t leave me like this. My arms are grabbed roughly and he shoves me right o ff. I cry out as my body hits the table.

“Reita!” I yell at him shocked.

It’s perfect timing. I look up and the rest of the band is walking in. They all stare at me.

“Ruki, are you alright?” Kai asks.

I don’t answer him. I glance around at the room before getting up. Quickly, I run out of this place. I’m going to cry but I can’t do it in front of everyone. Reita is so insensitive; he’d break up with me like that.

Crying in the stairway I thought no one would find me. The door opens and I look up. A part of me wanted him there apologizing. There’s just a tall man with honey blonde hair. Uruha comes over and sits down by me.

I’m pulled into an embrace.

“Don’t cry Ruki.”

His chin rests against my head.

“Reita needs time. He’ll come around.”

I sniffle and pathetically wipe my eyes. “What if I can’t wait?”

“Then tell him”

I hug Uruha.

“Take me home tonight. Please.”

Uruha stays quiet, not knowing if Ruki wanted a ride home or to stay with him.

“You know Reita is staying with me.”

“So invite me over. He’ll have no choice.”

So I did go to Uruha’s. I rode home with him after practice. He stopped at a few places so Reita was home before us.

I felt weird going into the house. I always expect Reita to come and hug me. He always welcomes me when I come home. He only glances at me as I walk in.

“I didn’t know you were bringing someone home.”

I’m not just someone.

I stare at him from across the room. I just need something from him. Anything.

“Why is everyone staring?” Reita asks as I notice that Uruha is also staring.

“Just give him what he wants,” Uruha says.

Reita looks over at me and my heart jumps.

“Come on, Ruki,” he says as he walks towards the kitchen.

I follow him. He pulls a donut from a dunkin donuts box and takes a bite. He looks back towards me.

“Have one?”

I worry about the fat content but I still look at the box. There are some that are bitten off of already.

“Some of these have been eaten,” I comment.

Reita pours himself a glass of milk.

I look at the sprinkled ones, the glazed ones, and I finally settle on a cream filled one. I look back to see if Reita is watching. His back is turned so I stick my finger in the hole where they insert the cream. I pull it out and taste it. The donut tastes good so I choose that one. I sit across from Reita and look down at the donut.

Well the donut thing doesn’t matter. I did eat it and he shared his milk with me. We spend time with Uruha until we ended up in bed together.

At first I thought we would just sleep. I was glad for that, just to be near him again. Laying in his arms, I was almost asleep. He rubs my stomach and down a little further then he should.

“Ruki, are you awake?”

I whine at him for my answer.

I should have stopped him.

“Don’t sleep with underwear on in my bed,” he says as he strips mine off.

“Hey.”

His hand moves to play with my penis and I care less. His arm wraps around my chest, keeping me in place. He kisses and licks my neck.

He stops after a few minutes and I whimper. I move onto my back and spread my legs. I assumed he was hard and wanted sex. He smiles at me and pushes my legs closed.

“Give me a blowjob, Ruki.”

I frown before sitting up. He pulls the blanket off himself and waits for me to come over. I lie in between his legs and rest my arms on them. I look up at him and back down at his penis. His fingers run through my hair.

“Don’t hesitate.”

I take him into my mouth. I give him my best until he was moaning and pushing me away. What kind of guy would leave such awesome blowjobs? I start to climb into his lap.

“No, you’ll be in me.”

My mouth drops open.

“We’ve never done it that way.”

“Lay down, Ruki.”

I lie down and look nervously at him as he gets in my lap. I moan as he slides down on my penis. He starts to ride me and it’s rougher than any women ever has. It feels so good and I realize I shouldn’t have ever been uke for him.

It starts to hurt; he’s so rough and heavy.

“My stomach hurts.”

“Don’t be a baby.”

He laughs and gets off. “I’m kidding baby.”

He lies down and spreads his legs. Like I’ve so many times for him. I have sex with him and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever felt. I lay panting in his arms. As I try to calm down. I fall asleep early and don’t worry if he’ll still be here tomorrow.

After waking up in an empty bed, I go into the bathroom. The shower is running and Uruha is at the sink brushing his teeth. I go to the toilet to pee.

“Reita’s in the shower?” I ask him.

Uruha spits out the toothpaste and rinses off his brush.

“Yeah.”

I walk to the sink to wash my hand.

“So he ignores you for a few weeks and you come back and sleep with him?”

I start to wash my hands.

“We made up.”

I dry my hands.

“Can I shower with you, Reita?”

“Sure,” he says.

I undress and Uruha gasps.

“Jesus Ruki, you’re that bruised?”

I hide my back from him.

“It’s fine.”

My eyes dart from here to here waiting for him to ask more. He moves closer and looks behind me. He hand moves to touch my skin. I jump back.

“Don’t touch me!” I squeal, almost fearful of this person so close to me.

Reita pulls the curtain open and peers out. I climb into the shower. I don’t want anyone grabbing me. I’m not there for people to play with.

It seems like things are back to normal. Reita is still letting me have sex with him. It’s great to be inside of him. I’m becoming obsessed with it. He hasn’t been in me since then but I don’t think about it. I should have realized he was upset.

We’re in the kitchen cooking.

“Were you mad at me?” I ask as I fry food. “You were gone for so long.”

“I just needed some space. Don’t worry about it.”

“I thought you wanted to break up.”

Author's notes: I don't know why it puts funny extra spaces between lines.

Don’t give an Uruha a muffin and Ninja Turtles. 1/1

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 03:33:51 GMT

Title: Don’t give an Uruha a muffin and Ninja Turtles. ~COMPLETE~
Chapters: oneshot
Author:</b></a>endlessdigital with help/suggestions from </a></b></a>beloved_chuu and </a></b></a>aruiteru
Genre: CrAcK and sex

Warnings: crack, rambling,
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Reita/Ruki
Synopsis: Reita wakes up not being himself one morning and takes Ruki on a wild ride.
Comments: This is really retarded but I had fun writing it at the caribou coffee and laughing about turtles with my friend.

Reita sits up straight in bed.

“Shit.”

Ruki whines and sits up, his eyes wide as he stares at Reita.

“Ruki, we’re late, get up. It’s go time. Time to go.”

Ruki doss a double take and shakes his head for a few seconds. Nope, he just couldn’t say anything. Reita is clad as the god damn Ninja Turtle Raphael. The fucking red one.”

He’s out of bed.

“I’m dressed. Lots of green, red. Ruki get up! Get up. I’m leaving.” Reita says looking down at his body.

Right now, Ruki needs a shot of alcohol. He slips out of the bed and starts to get dressed.

Almost ready and he’s dragging me to the car. I can’t do this today. I can’t tell him.

“We have two minutes. But I can get us across town.”

The car wouldn’t start up and he’s jumping out of the car.

“Damn battery.”

Oh god, Ruki wished they didn’t have neighbors. The hood is popped and the turtle is banging on the window.

“Ruki, go get the neighbor guy.”

Ruki gets out trying to avoid his gaze. The last thing he wanted to do was have the neighbor see this.

“The neighbors aren’t home.”

“Ruki, go now.”

The turtle’s pointing.

“Um, Well you see last night my mom called and then my dad got on the phone. He said the name of our single wrong. So I went to get my bicycle to but ciggies, and some ‘tato chips. Did you make my sandwiches for lunch tonight?”

Ruki stops, starts to poke his cheek and laughs nervously.

“I used to have a pet turtle when I was a kid. Xerxes looked like a woman in that movie we watched yesterday. My ipod has been working funny lately. Gee, have you seen Ayumi lately? So hot! だただ. So um, he, well Uruha came over late night. I found a weird stain in my undies. There was this song on the radio with a sitar and I don’t know what it is. My stomach hurts when I drink too much coffee.”

Ruki starts his nervous gestures again.

“Um…Um geez I just got dizzy.” Ruki crosses his legs, and then uncrosses them. Takes a few steps forward and then back.

“So they didn’t have my cigarettes, so I rode my bike somewhere else. But as I was leaving the store this ganguro girl with a hello kitty humidifier, backpack, earrings, shirt, pants, shoes, socks, hat, and umbrella. But on her backpack, she had “Luna Kitty.” But she took my bike. And I couldn’t get home because my map’s on my bike. I was looking in your trunk for my contact that fell out. I left it open in case the raccoon wanted to sleep in there.”

Reita slams down the hood of the car. He walks all manly and intimidating over to Ruki.

“You. You go now.” He commands him.

Ruki runs to the neighbors, he needed to leave. Reita cusses to himself. Ruki was an idiot; he couldn’t lie to save his life. Reita felt stupider for having listened to it. He just hoped Ruki would get to the point.

Finally, Ruki’s back with the neighbor. He gives the car a jump. Reita can’t help but wonder about the weird looks. Ruki must have spoken nonsense to him.

Ruki’s body is thrown back against the seat as Reita takes off.

“You’re going too fast,” Ruki complains as he stares at him.

Reita was being reckless, tail-gaiting, and passing. The blonde grabs some pennies from the center and rolls down the window. Ruki’s hands go to cover his face.

“Reita, don’t”

He passes a car and throws pennies out the window at them. Ruki clutches his stomach.

“I’m going to throw up.”

He rolls down the window to get cool air on his face.

Reita’s found another car to tailgate; can’t pass because they’re a car in their blind spot. Ruki feels even sicker. He’s not paying attention, only concentrating on not vomiting. The man throws something at them. Ruki closes his eyes. Cardboard hits him in the head, and something like milk or ice cream splatters all over him. And he does what any sane person would. He starts screaming non stop.

“Stop it. Ruki,” Reita yells as his hand grips the steering wheel tight. He makes a quick turn off of the road. He parks on the sidewalk.

“Ruki! What the hell!?”

“I can’t see.”

“Wipe your face off.”

“It’s on my hands.”

Reita finds a towel in the back and starts to wipe Ruki off.

“I want to get home,” Ruki says.

“You have a change of clothes in your bag.” Reita starts to undress Ruki, throwing his clothes out of the car.

“Hey, I like that shirt.”

“I don’t want that shit in my car.”

The clothes are discarded and he’s wiping him off. Ruki redresses himself, thankful the milkshake didn’t get on the seat. The brunette pouts and looks down.

“What’s wrong with people?”

Reita starts driving again. Nothing else could possibly happen.

“I need to listen to the radio,” Ruki says listening to the music. It had to be the most pop sounding music. Morning Musume: Rainbow Pink. He sings with it and does hand dances.

Reita reaches over to turn it down. This isn’t sane morning music. Ruki slaps his hand and doesn’t even miss a beat with his dancing. Reita gets his hand slapped every time he tries.

“I’m going to pull my stick out of my backpack.”

This may imply that Reita hits Ruki with this stick all the time. But the stick is mainly for driving. However, his backpack is a now a turtle shell and his stick is a Sai.

The three prong weapon is right in front of Ruki’s face.

“Reita, what the fuck is that?”

Reita looks over.

“I don’t fucking know.”

He puts it back in the turtle shell.

“Okay, we’re here.”

Reita gets out. Ruki stays seated. His stomach churns. This was going to be bad. And he smelt like strawberry milk. A knock on the window.

“Ruki, get the hell out, now.”

“I feel sick.”

He did really, a menacing turtle glaring down at him. Plus the strawberry smell. Okay, he’d get out.

He walks quickly, not wanting to walk in with Reita.

“Hey, now you won’t walk with me?”

“I have to pee.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“Reita, no. Go away. I feel sick.”

Uruha is standing outside the door of the practice room.

“Hi, Ruki,” he says as the brunette trudges by. He doesn’t know what to do as he sees Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles walking towards him. Uruha disappears into the room.

“Aoi, Aoi something is scary in the hallway.”

Aoi looks up at him from his spot on the couch.

“Really?”

“Yeah, Yeah, You have to go look.” Kai gets up and goes to the door.

Aoi is on his way there. Kai shuts the door and presses his back to it.

“There’s a monster out there.”

Reita stands outside the door confused. He knocks, wondering why they shut the door.

“That might be Reita,” Aoi says.

“Huh?”

“Well, maybe he came in after Ruki and the monster.”

Kai lets him in and they all stare at the turtle in the room.

“Um, what the fuck?” Aoi questions.

“What?” Reita asks. “Why is everyone acting so weird?” He asks starting to feel defeated.

Aoi moves closer and puts his arm on Reita’s shoulder.

“Buddy, I have to tell you. You’re dressed like a Ninja Turtle.”

“What?”” Reita looks down at his body. “What the fuck?”

Ruki picks the best time to come in. Reita points angrily at him.

“You, Ruki didn’t tell me.”

“Tell you what?” Ruki tries the innocent act.

Reita moves closer and Ruki disappears behind Kai.

“YOU LET ME TALK TO THE NEIGHBOR! AND DRIVE ALL THOSE PLACES. DO YOU THINK THAT’S FUNNY RUKI?”

“No,” Ruki says softly.

“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING?”

Ruki stays quiet.

“It’s not like you gave me a chance.”

Reita leaves the room.

“I’m going to shower.”

Ruki watches him leave, knowing he has fucked up.

“You better go talk to him,” Uruha says.

Ruki stands there nervous, ringing out his hands.

Kai turns around and looks down at the short vocalist.

“Ruki, just go.”

Ruki slips into the small room. The sound of the shower is so loud.

“Reita?”

The bassist stays quiet, still sore about the situation.

“I wish you’d say something because if someone else is in the shower then I’d feel awkward. Cause maybe someone else would be in there. I’m really sorry. I didn’t know what to say. You’ve been yelling all day and I didn’t want to make you yell more.”

“Ruki, just shut up.”

“Okay,” he says.

“Get your ass in here and help me clean this off.”

Ruki starts to undress and finds a clean shower cap to slip on. He gets in the shower, and begins to clean Reita’s back.

It was hard to get off. He had to scrub hard to get it off. It was taking a while. The rag falls from his hand as Reita turns around. His body is pressed against the wall.

“You need to be punished.” Reita says before kissing him.

Ruki melts into the kiss, holding Reita’s strong arms in his hands.

Reita moves back and slaps Ruki’s side hard.

“Ow,” Ruki squeals as his eyes tear up. He stares up at Reita shocked.

The blonde laughs, “Don’t worry I won’t do it again.”

Reita assaults him with a kiss, and lets his hand slide down Ruki’s wet leg around and to his butt.

“Not yet,”

“I won’t.”

Ruki slides down to his knees. He gives Reita an amazing blowjob. Sucking so tightly and swirling his tongue around the thick penis. Reita’s hand pressed against the wall. He pants trying to hold out against the tight suction. Trying to not thrust hard and relentlessly into his young lover’s mouth.

Ruki moves back. Reita leans forward, his penis sliding against Ruki’s face. Ruki tires to pull it back into his mouth. Ruki tries to put it back into his mouth. Reita moves back and grabs Ruki under his arms to pull him back up.

Looking down to check if Ruki’s erect, before he turns him around and presses him up against the wall. The youth peers nervously back at him but still spreads his legs.

Reita leaves kisses down his neck and on his ear. His hands holding Ruki’s shoulders to the wall. Ruki cries out as he’s entered roughly. Reita’s penis felt so sharp. He pants and moans against the slick wet wall his cheek is pressed against.

Reita was so rough, pulling out and throwing his body the other way. Ruki cries out and looks up at him sad.

“Ruki, don’t make that face.”

Ruki smiles as he says that.

“That hurt a little,” the brunette admits.

Reita hugs him. “Sorry.”

Ruki pushes at his chest, the embrace too tight. Reita stares down at the silly shower cap and handsome face. Features etched out so perfectly. Ruki slips his arms around his neck. His back is pressed to the wall as his legs are pulled up.

He moans just waiting for Reita to enter him. Reita thrust in, listening to the loud moans by his ears. The bassist moans softly, Ruki felt so good. A segmented moan escapes his mouth as he pushes deeply into the brunette and cums. He rides out his orgasm as he feels the other climaxing.

And Through The Looking Glass Chapter 4

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 04:22:01 GMT

Title: And Through the Looking Glass ~COMPLETE~
Author: Endless Digital
Fandom: alice nine, gazette,
Pairing: Shou x Hiroto, Hiroto x Shou, Nao x Saga, Reita x Ruki
Genre: none
Rating: NC-17
Summary: This is a sequel to Alice in Wonderland. Shou does what he can to help Hiroto and himself get over what happened. Alice nine gets back together and tries to work things out.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Preview: Hiroto’s hand was clasped tightly in Shou’s. His mind is racing. He thought he’d be okay, he wanted to be okay. He wanted Shou to think he was okay.

(01) | (01-2)|(02)|(03)|

Shou drops most of his stuff as he goes inside. He ignores Hiroto as he goes to his room. It was stressful day and he really needed to relax. Hiroto looks around the place as Shou goes into the bathroom. Shou pulls thing from the closet and sets them up on the ground.

    So, it was something stupid he did as a teenager. But now, he needed it to cope. He picks up the shiny glass blown bowl. Dumping green from the tiny plastic bag into it. He brings it to hsi mouth and lights the grass in the bowl.

    He sucks it in, the skunky smell fills the bathroom. His mind could drift from everything. The blue eyes close as he lays back against he vanity cabinets. Sucking in deep breathes, holding it in, before blowing it out. He laughs, remembering being young a blowing out rings. Wondering if he still knew how.

    Shou is lighting the last of it, when the door is pulled open. Hiroto steps back at the puff of smoke coming towards him. Clumsily Show drops the pipe out of shock as the brunette walks in the room.

“You’re smoking pot?”

Shou looks down the pipe.

“Do you want some?”

“No,” Hiroto turns on the vent. He was at a loss for words, feeling shocked.

“Are you mad?” Shou asks before he starts laughing.

“So, what? This is what you do when you’re always ‘I’m gonna take a bath’”

Shou laughs and starts to clean his stuff up.

“That’s right.”

“Well, I’m going to take a bath. And not one of your imagination ones,” Hiroto says going to the tub, turning on the water.

“I can’t believe you.”

    Shou laughs.

“You’re being dramatic.”

Hiroto puts some bath talc in the water. He sighs as he sits on the edge. Shou’s problem explains some of his weird behavior at night.

    “Shou,” he says, swinging his legs and childishly watching them.

“Yeah?” Shou asks as he returns his things to their hiding place.

Hiroto looks back at the tub.

“Join me, okay?”

Shou goes over to the tub and sits on the edge.

    He rubs Hiroto’s leg and smiles at him. The youth blushes but holds the other’s gaze. Shou smiles wider and turns away. Hiroto jumps off and starts to undress. Shou climbs off. Hiroto runs to the shower to rinse his body.

    Shou gets up and starts to undress. He turns back to the tub checking the water level. Hiroto is back form the shower climbing into the warm water.

“Hurry up, Shou,” he says pushing his arms around in the water.

He waits for the other to rinse off and join him. He was glad that Shou paid extra to get this nice tub.

    Shou descends into the tub, still wet from his shower, giggling as he climbs into the smaller man’s lap. The brunette stares up at him as they hug trying to forget their fight from earlier. He can’t though.

“We need to talk,” he says softly.

“Okay,” Shou says, those words were enough to make anyone nervous.

“Tora says you told him that I was seeing a psychologist.”

    Shou holds onto his shoulders looking into his face.

“I haven’t really talked to Tora. Not since I went to his house that day. And whatever I said to him today.”

“How would he know?” Hiroto asks shakily.

“They know I went and it’s just obvious that you would after what happened.”

    Hiroto calms down a little. Shou was right. Tora’s smart, he could have easily pieced it together.

    “They know that you beat me,” Hiroto says barely above a whisper.

    Shou freezes suddenly feeling cold. Because he regretted everything he did to hurt his lover. There were reasons, some many that caused it. It was like he wanted to push Hiroto away.

“Tora says you bragged about it to him.”

“Hiroto, I didn’t. I’m so ashamed of what I did.”

“And what did he mean when he said you couldn’t keep your mouth or legs closed?”

    Shou moves back and sits on the other side of the tub. His high couldn’t even make him feel better in this onslaught of accusations. He stays quiet trying to hold his face together. Finally he speaks, his voice wrecked with tears.

“Can we just forget about Miyavi? Stop bringing him up?”

The room falls silent and they don’t look at each other.

“Fuck, why be such a killjoy?” Shou asks before letting out a cry.

    He turns away, covering his face. Taking the few minutes he needed to stop crying. Hiroto sits there quietly. Why did he connect what Tora meant instead of asking? The silence is broken as he moves through the water towards Shou. Climbing into his lap and wrapping his arms around the other’s neck. He kisses his hands,

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, as the other moves his hands. Hiroto kisses his soft lips forcefully.

    Pushing his tongue hard against the other’s lips. Wanting inside wanting to taste him. Shou gently pushes him back, holding his hands on his shoulders. The blonde’s face looks a little brighter.

“Pon...”

Hiroto moves back and sits by him. It’s not like Shou’s tone was disapproving but he didn’t feel like crowding him.

    Shou’s hand slips over Hiroto’s then he takes a deep breath.

“Baby step,” he whispers.

Possibly relating to their sex life or even to the situation with Tora. Shou’s mind wanders as he tries to connect why Tora dislikes Hiroto so much. Before, earlier they seem to be great friends. Shou couldn’t pinpoint when their break was.

    He squeezes the and in his and sinks a little lower in the water. Hiroto just stares down at the water. Trying to decide if he should tell Shou about the dream or not. Because then he’d have to explain a lot. He gets worried remembering how angry Shou gets when he finds out he’s kept a secret from him.

“I love you, Shou,” he says, smiling at the bubbles in the water.

Shou repeats the words at him. Then he closes his eyes, relaxing in the warm water. Hiroto felt so close yet so far away. It was like he was alone in the bath. Nothing negative he just felt safe and at peace.

    It’s later when the water starts to cool and they get out. Pulling the stopper out of the drain. Scrambling for towels to dry off. Laughing as they run into he room to jump on the bed. HIroto gets on top of Shou and wrestles him down on the bed.

    He snuggles up to Shou, keeping his body pressed to the bed. He stares down into the other’s eyes.

“The bath was really nice.”

Shou sits up easily breaking out of the other’s hold. Pulling the other into his lap.

“Do you want something?

Surprisingly the other nods.

    Shou laughs at him.

“What?”

Hiroto undoes his towel, exposing himself. Shou smiles at he looks down. Then he covers him back up with is towel.

“Don’t feel pressured,” he says shifting a little under him.

    Hiroto kisses his neck as his hand slips under the blonde’s towel. Rubbing his penis. Shou hugs him but not much else of a response. It scares him whenever Hiroto does this, who knew if he’d freak out again.

    Shou moans, not being able to ignore it anymore as Hiroto’s hand wraps around. He pumps him furiously as he sucks at his neck. Shou pants loudly closing his eyes.

    Hiroto kisses his lisp letting his hand wander to rub Shou’s legs. The blonde grabs at his wrists trying to get him to continue rubbing, Hiroto’s mouth slips around his ear.

“You’re hard,” he whispers causing Shou’s penis to twitch a bit. The Hiroto whines pulling Shou’s hand to his limp area.

“Help me,” he whispers. Shou gets a firm grip on him and rubs him up and won.

    It was intoxicating to watch Hiroto get aroused again. The way he moaned or seemed to be a second from going over the edge. The way he can chant your name, frantically encouraging. It’s barely a minute when he pushes my hand away. Hoovering over Shou trying to lower himself on Shou’s penis. Shou grabs him.

“Hey, your first time won’t be unlubricated.”

Hiroto frowns, “Don’t stop me.”

    Shou smiles at him.

“Go grab the lube, let me prepare you.”

Hiroto blushes.

“You pervert,” he says as he slips off the bed. Returning with a bottle and he lays down. Holding it out waiting for Shou to come over.

    The blonde climbs over him. Pushing his tongue into his mouth. Furiously making out with him.

“I’m going to make love with you all night.”

    He slows down a bit, turning the kiss softer. Any one wrong decision and he could scare Hiroto off. Maybe he should have let Hiroto take control. He moves down his body licking onto his neck.

“Down Shou,” he urges wanting the blonde to make it to a certain spot.

    Shou licks his nipple savoring the taste. Listening to the light moaning. His fingers run down the smooth stomach. This time he felt unsure about how to proceed. There was too much worry. Perhaps, he should give him a blow job and go to bed.

    There was no way he could say no to that face pleading with him. He’s kissing Hiroto’s thighs wondering if he should go this far. Sucking on the skin as he listens to him moaning.

“It’s good, right?” Shou asks.

Hiroto lifts his hips, presenting himself to Shou.

“It does feel good to be licked there, doesn’t it?” he asks before slipping his tongue out. Hiroto twitches as it touches him. Shou teases his area and the youth squirms beneath him. Suddenly the blonde moves up and licks his shaft. Hiroto is shaking all over as Shou takes him in his mouth. It had been so long since someone had given him a blow job. He moans as Shou’s mouth works on him.

    After a minute, Shou moves back and looks down at his body. Then up to his face.

“You’re really ready for this?”

Shou watches as Hiroto sits up. He pushes Shou into the place where he wants him. Hiroto climbs into his lap, positions himself. The blonde reaches for the lubricant realizing that it was needed. He lubes up his shaft as the brunette holds onto his shoulders.

    Hiroto’s face scrunches up as he lowers himself. The large shaft pushing him open. He groans.

“Shou...” he whispers.

He lowers himself completely, letting out a whine and staring into the eyes across from him. Shou kisses him. “Come on, baby.”

Hiroto relaxes and starts to ride him. It felt amazing, he was sensitive all over.

*******

    Laying in bed after their sex. Hiroto really felt like he had achieved something. He was finally over what had happened. Maybe not fully, but he was able to have sex. Able to take back the pleasure that was forcefully taken from him. He would enjoy this and enjoy his life with Shou.

    He snuggles up to Shou’s body, starting to cool down. There were some many things left opened. The stuff about Tora, Shou needed to know. For so long he thought it was just their business. It was something in his past that he’s ashamed of and trying to hide.

“ I have to talk to you,” he says.

Shou looks down at the mess of hair. He felt so tired but he’d listen to whatever Hiroto had to say.

“Okay,”

“Tora and I used to date. It was just when the band had started and we kept it from everyone. I was a different person back then. I...I wasn’t a good boyfriend.”

“What do you mean? You cheated?”

“I did actually. If he ever refused to have sex with me I would just do it. I’d bring people home and make him watch.”

Shou sits in disbelief it didn’t seem like Hiroto had it in him. You wouldn’t pin him as not being a good person. Hiroto closes his eyes feeling tears in them.

“Please don’t leave me. I won’t be like that again.”

“Shh, Hiroto.”

“I was so young. Just out of highschool. I just felt like I was on top of the world. So I treated him like I owned him.”

Shou hugs him tightly.

“I understand you made some mistakes. I forgive you.”

    Hiroto lays there thinking. We can’t resolve everything. Probably, he will never have a relationship with Tora again. He had decided that with his actions. But for the bands’ sake he can always try to work out. There was uncertainty about wether he was truly okay. It was an awful thing to go though.

    But they had tonight to be together. Tonight to feel away from all the problems and worries. Hiroto wouldn’t think about it or think about Tora.

    He climbs fully onto Shou and hugs him.

“Baby,” Shou says as he embraces him.

“I love you Shou. I love you so much.”

Shou rubs the back of his head.

“I love you too. I’ll always be here with you. And Hiroto, look at me.”

The brunette moves so their eyes meet.

“I’ll never hurt you again.”

*******

Author’s note: I don’t know why I waited so long to update this. There was too much with school and I wasn’t sure what to write. But I’m glad I waited. Since I like how the ending turned out. There’s probably more that needs to be closed off but I really can’t write this story anymore.

All At Once Day 09

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 02:06:14 GMT

Title: All At Once
Author: Endless Digital
Fandom: The GazettE
Pairing: Reita x Ruki, Ruki x Reita
Genre: drama
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ruki decides to try again at quitting smoking by using medication. This behavioral medication had quite the side effects though. Can Reita handle his erratic behavior? And, Reita tries to get perspective on their relationship and discover his reasons for being there.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

00|01|02|03|04|05|06|07|08|

“I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart) “ ~ “I carry your heart with me.” by e. e. cummings.

    It seemed like a whirlwind had passed through. Ruki had gone from normal to being stuck in mania. Now, he seems to be fine. They were home after long day of work.

    Ruki is drinking tea and resting his voice. He was coming down with a cold and it was putting strain on his throat. Reita is on the couch watching the blonde. The house was quiet. The tv was off and they were resting after their dinner.

    Ruki sets his cup down and looks over at Reita.

“It’s getting cold.” he says.

Standing up, he grabs a blanket on his way to Reita. He crawls into Reita’s lap like it was meant for him. He puts the blanket around them. He’s shivering in Reita’s lap as the bassist holds him.

    “I’m not going to try to quit smoking again.”

“Is that so?” Reita asks.

Ruki lays his head on Reita’s shoulder.

“We’re really going to live together soon.”

Reita smiles, thinking about it. Ruki closes his eyes and starts to feel tired. He sniffles.

“I have the burny snots.”

“Huh?” Reita says confused.

“The snot burns my skin.”

“I’m sorry,” Reita say.

He stares at him, fully realizing how sick Ruki is.

“Maybe you shouldn’t sit on me.”

Ruki frowns before forcing a kiss on Reita’s lips. He tries to push hsi tongue in Reita’s mouth. He wasn’t going to be ignored because he’s sick.

    Reita grabs his arm shoving him back before he can get it in.

“What the hell?”

He pushes Ruki off and heads for the kitchen. He needed a shot of whiskey and a cigarette. Opening the liquor cabinet he grabs the first thing there. A swig of this should kill the germs.

    He sits back on the couch, lighting his cigarette. Ruki coughs.

“That bothers my throat,” he says.

Reita puts the cigarette to Ruki’s lips. The blonde smokes the cigarette.

    Reita pulls it back and Ruki reaches for it. Reita finishes his cigarette. Ruki reaches for the pack. Reita watches him.

“Only one, okay?”

He’d let him because Ruki looked sexy with that in his mouth. Ruki lights the cigarette and Reita watches.

“Won’t you put on some lipstick with that?”

Ruki squints his eyes. Reita’s question doesn’t really make sense. But he got what he meant. The blond coughs.

“I’m sick.”

Ruki moves off of him to finish smoking.

    They ended up in bed after their smoke. It was cold and they were both tired. Reita had more in mind for their bedtime than just sleeping. Even if Ruki was sick, he wanted sex.

    Reita kisses his chest as they are under the blanket. Ruki moans. He’s hard and moving down the vocalist’s body. He takes Ruki’s boxers off. The blonde shivers as he feels Reita’s hair between his legs. He felt anxious to see where Reita’s mouth would go.

    It falls to suck on the top of thigh. Ruki cries out the best he can with his sore throat. That was such a tease. A little more foreplay and some application of lubricant. Ruki’s legs are spread and Reita’s deep inside of him. Thrusting while Ruki moans weakly. His throat hurts. Reita is above him. It’s sudden and Ruki sneezes.

    Reita stops, closing his eyes trying to keep it out. Ruki stares up at him.

“I’m sorry,” he says as he reaches for a tissue to wipe off his face. Reita pulls out and sits up.

Ruki starts to blow his nose. Weary about whether Reita will finish or not. Especially after the blonde leaves the room for a minute. Ruki’s legs tingle as Reita walks back in the room still fully hard. He was so sexy walking around like that. Especially his walk.

    Reita smiles at how Ruki’s legs are closed as he waits for him. Like he’s trying to keep it from anyone who might be wandering. The bassist jumps on the bed, landing on all fours. He kisses his knee. Ruki opens his legs. Reita tries to change their position. Placing Ruki on top.

“I’m sick. I don’t want to do any work.”

“You’re lazy,” Reita complains.

Ruki coughs and moves.

“But if you’re always uke then you’re laziness isn’t that bad,” Reita adds before pulling a coughing mask from the drawer. He hands it to Ruki to put on.

            Reita moves and presses Ruki’s back up against the headboard. The pillows are pushed away. The blonde penetrates up into him, slamming him against the headboard. Reita kisses his neck as he thrusts.

    Each time the headboard slamming hard into the wall. It made Ruki feel dizzy. The sound was like the dryer rocking aorund when it’s not level. Ruki moans not feeling the pain each time hsi back is slammed. Reita hitting his spot was all that mattered.

    But his body was sent urgent signals for a very different place. He had to sneeze. instinctively he pulls his arms up. He tires to stop it, but he sneezes. Then another one and he rests thinking it’s done. Yet, there’s still another sneeze.

    He isn’t even noticing what this is doing to Reita’s body. The way Ruki’s body tenses and relaxes with the sneeze. It’s grabbing him in way he hadn’t felt before. So while Ruki is having his sneezing fit, Reita is climaxing.

    It’s not the type of experience you think about having. Reita is panting frantically and his face is hidden against Ruki’s chest. Ruki pulls off the sweaty mask. It’s so hot. Reita was burning inside of him. He gasps as the bassist starts to take care of his penis. Ruki whines and pants.

“Ooo...Reita please.”

    Quickly, he replaces his hand with his mouth. Ruki is overwhelmingly sensitive right now. He fills Reita’s mouth. Not even having time to warn him. Reita spits it out into a tissue.

    Ruki holds his belly and pants.

“It’s so hot.”

Reita watches him, looking over the slight curve of his stomach. Ruki is flushed. He frowns coming down from the high of sex.

“I feel awful,” he says, his nose still congested and his throat sore.

    Reita stares between his legs at the bruise that had faded to green and yellow. Ruki’s sleepy eyes follow Reita’s hand between his legs.

“What?” Ruki asks moving back slightly.

Reita starts laughing. Ruki pushes his hand away with his thigh and closes his legs.

    “Your bruise is so funny looking,” Reita explains.

Ruki pouts.

“I’m sick, don’t make fun of me.”

    The younger blonde pushes the covers around looking for his underwear. Reita starts to look too. He finds Ruki’s and throws them in his direction. Reita puts on his boxers and a t-shirt. After getting dressed, the vocalist is slumped over and tired looking.

    Reita lays next to him and hugs him.

“I can make you soup,” he offers.

“And hot chocolate?” Ruki adds.

Reita nods.

“There should be soup in the cabinet,” Ruki says.

“I know,” Reita says as he leaves the room.

    It was so sudden that Ruki fell ill. Reita wonders if stopping the pills put his body under stress. It would be easier for him to just catch something. Reita grabs a box and a can from the cabinet.

    There’s just something in human nature that make you want to help someone you care about. He didn’t mind taking care of Ruki right now. He needed to rest so he could get better. It’s hard if no one is helping out. But still a tiny part of him wants to leave his sick lover to fend for himself. To avoid the risk of getting sick too.

    Ruki is feeling better after having his hot food. Reita feels more settled after eating. The vocalist lays his head on the table. He stares over at Reita. Their relationship had took a spin these past days. Were they going to stay together? It hasn’t ended badly yet.

“I’m going to take a bath,” he says getting up from the table.

    Ruki puts in the plug and turns on the water. He looks in the closet for bath stuff for colds. It’s a strong smell but it will really clear your sinuses. He smiles when he finally spots it. It had fallen from the self and got shoved under something.

    He drops a capful of the pellets in the water. He screws the lid back on and returns it to the closet. Sitting on the side of the tub, he waits. He didn’t really car about taking time to rinse off before he got in.

    Ruki is lounging in the tub with his eyes closed when Reita comes in.

“Are you alright?”

Ruki opens his eyes and stares up at him. The blonde moves closer and looks through the clear water at his body. Ruki notices what he’s looking at.

“Reita!”

The blonde quickly looks up at Ruki’s eyes. The vocalist yawns and slides down a little more in the tub.

“I can breathe,”

Reita sits on the edge of the tub and just smiles at him.

    It seemed like things would be alright. Ruki is himself again. They still have their plans for the future. Although, they had faced many challenges, they had made it through.

“Reita, come join me.”

Reita gives him a look before laughing. He undresses and climbs in the tub. He sits opposite of Ruki and watches him. There was something important to say but he wasn’t sure how to word it. It didn’t matter, there is plenty of time to just sit here. The medicine smell is so strong from the water. It’s warm though and it feels nice.

“Ruki,”

Those brown eyes open and look at him.

“You don’t have to stay if the smell bothers you.”

Reita laughs, “I’ll survive.”

Ruki smiles. “That wasn’t it, Did you have something to say?”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Ruki blushes.

“Reita, I’ll always be by your side.”

“I will walk together, the future not promised” ~ Gazette: Cassis.

*******

It’s done. I thought I would do 10 days but the story seems to end around 9.
I’m working on a new story but I haven’t got much for it.

Thanks everyone for reading:
rukei, ninja x33, ryuuzaki, yue yue, anthail , bio glammy, buuberry, waterstrike, gazette mor, rapturouspurple , ryuutsuki, fehriku, gracefacee, xkyo chanx,

Thank you for everyone who kept up with this story.

All At Once Day 08

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 17:51:18 GMT

Title: All At Once
Author: Endless Digital
Fandom: The GazettE
Pairing: Reita x Ruki, Ruki x Reita
Genre: drama
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ruki decides to try again at quitting smoking by using medication. This behavioral medication had quite the side effects though. Can Reita handle his erratic behavior? And, Reita tries to get perspective on their relationship and discover his reasons for being there.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

00|01|02|03|04|05|06|07|

Day 8

    Reita pulls himself from the ground and walks sleepily to the door. It opens before he gets to it. Ruki is letting himself inside. Shutting the door and taking his shoes off, he then sets his key and bag down loudly. His eyes scanning the room, seeing the empty beer bottles.

“You were drinking?”

    Reita wraps himself in the blanket more. Ruki looked horrible. His face so pale under the sunglasses. The blonde takes off the sunglasses and sets them on the bag. The apartment is too dimly lit to wear them. His eyes are red and puffy as he tries to avoid Reita’s gaze.

    Reita moves closer and hugs him.

“Are you okay?”

Ruki pushes him back gently and shakes his head. He wasn’t feeling that great.

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” he admits.

It wasn’t hard to connect that it was the crying that kept him up. Reita didn’t know why he was so upset. The vocalist backs up a little and looks at all the boxes in the room.

    Reita kisses his forehead.

“Let me shower first.”

The bassist grabs his arm and pulls him into the house more. To the bedroom, he lets go and goes to set up the futon.

“Take a nap for a bit.”

Ruki stares at him before taking off his jacket. Removing his pants before he gets into the bed. Reita leaves the room.

    Ruki stares around at the boxes. Was Reita planning on going somewhere? Just disappearing off. Why hadn’t he said anything? Ruki closes his eyes, he was exhausted. Barely able to stay up anymore. He was lucky, he didn’t fall asleep on the train or the bus.

    Reita finishes his shower and goes in the room to get dressed. He drops his towel and kneels naked by Ruki. He leans over the sleeping body to grab clothes from a box.

    The vocalist opens his eyes as he feels something close to him. The only thing in his field of vision is Reita’s dangling balls and penis. Seriously, what’s going on here? He was only sleeping for a minute.

    “Reita, what the hell are you doing?” he squeals.

Reita quickly sits back on his bottom, clothes covering his privates.

“Ruki! I thought you were sleeping.”

“So you take the initiative to rub your privates across my face?”

Reita’s face turns red and he points to the box behind Ruki.

“My clothes are in there.”

    Ruki frowns.

“Why the hell are your clothes in a box? Why not a dresser? Where is your dresser?”

Reita looks down.

“My lease is up soon.”

“So you’re not going to tell me where you’re moving to?”

“I haven’t found a place yet.”

Ruki sighs, why was Reita being so secretive? Reita stands up and starts to get dressed.

“And I wasn’t rubbing them in your face.”

    Reita goes in the kitchen to fix some cups of tea. He comes back a few minutes later. Setting Ruki’s on the floor before drinking his.

“I’m sorry for hitting you last night,” Ruki says.

Reita drinks more.

“It’s fine,” Reita pauses, “I mean don’t do it again. But that was fine.”

Ruki sniffles.

“I’ve fuck up a lot of things.”

    The blonde moves over on his side.

“You’re leaving me, aren’t you?” he says suddenly, thinking he’s connected everything.
Reita nearly spits out his tea. Where did that come from? His intentions were totally opposite, he wanted to move in with Ruki. Maybe they’d be able to buy a bigger place.

    Reita pushes Ruki softly onto his back as he climbs on him. He moves hair out of his forehead.

“Ru-chan, I’m not going anywhere.”

He kisses his lips softly, before pushing his tongue in slightly. It was a little gross kissing a crying person. There’s a bunch of mucus in his mouth. And that mucus is mostly snot. He breaks the kiss and embraces his young lover.

“I love you,” he whispers against Ruki’s neck.

“Love isn’t...”

Ruki becomes quiet as Reita’s eyes fall on him.

“I’m not leaving. It’s just I meant to you differently. I’m at your place all the time anyways.”

Ruki nods as he listens.

“So why not tell me you want to live together?”

“Ruki, you’ve been crazy this week.”

The blonde frowns thinking of his list.

“I’m sorry.”

“Baby,” he says sitting up so he can look down at the blonde. He rubs the blonde’s chest.

“What do you think?”

“We can split the rent and decide who pays what utilities.”

Reita smiles.

“But I don’t really have room for all your stuff.”

“Well, when is your lease up?”

“You want to buy a bigger apartment?”

Reita nods, they needed one with more rooms.
“Even if we have to leave Aoi?” Ruki asks, sitting up to drink his tea.

    Reita laughs.

“Leave Aoi,”

He grabs his towel and starts to dry his hair. Ruki looks up at him. He snuggles up to Reita’s knees and lays his arm on Reita’s leg.

“Are you okay?”

Those blue eyes are just staring off.

“Do you want to sleep longer?” Reita asks.

“Will you get me an ashtray?”

Reita laughs as he rubs his shoulder.

“And my cigarettes, they’re in my jacket,” Ruki says pointing across the room.

Reita gets up to fetch the things for him.

“Is ‘Fuck my ass’ on your list too?”

“I haven’t pooped today. So...unless you want dirty butt sex. It will probably break the stuff up so it will come out. Cum enemas are really great, enjoyable too. “

    Reita sets the ashtray down and shoves the cigarettes towards Ruki.

“Too much information and you’re disgusting.”

Ruki sits up, pulling his lighter and a cigarette out of the pack. He stares at Reita as he smokes. The bassist gets up feeling less worried about his partner who was cracking jokes and back to his usual meanness. He grabs his tea and disappears to the bathroom to dry his hair.

    He finishes, feeling warm from the hair dryer. His attention drawn to his ringing phone. He rushes through the house back to his room. Grabbing the phone before Ruki grabs it.

“Hello?”

“Hey Reita, Is Ruki with you?”

“Yeah,”

“What’s wrong with his phone? He won’t answer.”

“I broke it.”

“Oh, let me talk to him.”

Reita hands it to Ruki.

“Hey.”

“When do you think you can come back to work?”

“It depends, I’m too exhausted to work 8 or 10 hours. But 5 or 6, just enough to get something done. And I’m not doing any photo shoots or videos.”

“Yeah, that seems fine. I’ll tell them.”

Ruki is startled when he feels Reita’s hand caress his thigh up to his crotch.

“Did you just gasp?” Kai asks.

“Yeah, Reita startled me,”

It wasn’t a lie. Ruki tries to cross his legs to no avail as Reita’s warm hand covers his crotch.

“We’ll meet tomorrow morning. The usual time. You can just leave early.”

Reita is playing with the rim of his boxers ready to slip his hand in to play.

    Ruki holds back a groan as Reita’s hand moves over his flesh. Past the external parts to stick part of a finger into his butt. Ruki screams from shock.

“Bye Kai.”

He screams louder and tries to turn away from Reita. The phone is dropped and Reita pulls his finger out.

“You asshole! Are you going to do something for me now, you fucking tease?”

I’ll...give you a blow job.”

    Ruki takes a deep breath as his boxers are removed. The room was chilly. The blonde’s eyes close. He felt extremely tired.

“I’m really tired,” he says as Reita starts to pump him.

“It will help you sleep.”

    Ruki pulls his legs up and moans. Reita gets him hard before taking him into his mouth. The vocalist cries out. The feeling overwhelmingly intense. He pants. Reita’s tongue teasing his sensitive skin.

    Reita spreads his legs more, preventing the legs from being too lose to the side of his head. Ruki moans, it feels so good but he wanted to sleep. He’d just have to hold out until his orgasm. The bassist wouldn’t make him wait long.

    Ruki’s eyes are closing, he was slipping in and out of a sleeping state. Reita massages his thigh noticing that Ruki is dozing off. Ruki groans and grabs onto Reita’s hair.

“I’m cumming.” he whispers before defiling his mouth.

    Reita cleans off the head and sits up. Ruki lifts his hips and Reita pulls the boxers up. The blonde grabs the blanket and snuggles up. Almost instantly falling asleep. Reita goes to the bathroom to dry his hair and empty his mouth.

    Ruki had slept for an hour already. He was fast asleep. Reita finishes off his tea. He was starving and the cabinets are bare. He dresses in his outer clothes and leaves the apartment. A short walk to the convenient store and he’d pick up some food.

    It was bitter cold outside. The wind beating at his face. The temperature had been dropped dramatically since yesterday. Ruki must have froze getting to the train station.

    Reita is relieved when he gets back in the apartment. Away from the freezing wind. He takes off his shoes and coat. Going to the kitchen with his bag. He grabs a bento box and chopsticks from the bag. Sitting at the table, he begins to eat.

    The food was warm, he had it microwaved at the place. Most of his appliances were packed up or sold. The light buzzes and flickers. Suddenly all the power is. There regrettably the loud sound of the furnace turning off.

    Reita stands up, food in hand, heading for the bedroom.

“Ruki! Ruki!”

It was kind of pointless to wake im up. The power being out doesn’t affect him when he’s sleeping.

“Ruki, wake up!” he says loudly.

“Ruki,”

The blond sits up, not to wake up but to yell at a certain someone.

“What do you want?”

Ruki can get so crabby.

“The power went out.

“So, what do you want me to do about it?”

Reita sits down by the futon, it just seemed like he should tell Ruki.

“Well, what should we do about it? The furnace turned off.”

“How do you know?”

“I heard it.”

“Call your landlord and ask how long it will be out.”

    Ruki mumbles some expletives at Reita before laying back down. Pulling the blanket around himself and closing his eyes.

“Are you going to stay all day?”

“Yes, because I’m in pain. Because you’re abusive and you beat me.”

    Reita grabs Ruki’s arm in a vice grip and pulls him up. The blonde’s head spins as his body is jerked forward. He stares at Reita and then back at his arm. The pain is excruciating.

“I don’t fucking abuse you. But if you keep telling people I might start.”

“You’re hurting me!”

He jerks Ruki’s body.

“Are you listening?”

“Yes, yes! I’m sorry,” he cries out.

Reita lets go and anger seems to slip away in his face. He moves his hand to wipe the tears forming in Ruki’s eyes.

“Don’t cry.”

Reita grabs his phone and leaves the room. Ruki grabs something from a box and hurls it at Reita’s back. It hits him in the back of his leg.

    Reita grabs his leg.

“Ow, fuck.”

Reita is walking towards him.

“You fucking little bitch.”

Ruki stands up.

“Get the fuck out. Make your phone call.”

They stare each other down. Reita sighs and turns away. He leaves the room, leans against the wall and makes his phone call.

    Ruki grabs his cigarettes glaring in Reita’s direction as he lights his smoke. Reita knew better than to treat him like that. His heart was beating so fast, he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. Ruki wipes the few tears left in his eyes. It was so seldom that Reita lost his temper like that.

    Reita finishes the call and comes in the room to grab his food.

“You should eat.”

Ruki looks up at him.

“It should still be warm.”

Ruki is quiet, still just looking. Reita sets the food down and kneels in from of Ruki. He bows his head.

“I’m sorry.”

    The blonde stands up and starts to put on his clothes.

“It’s freezing,” he complains as he finishes dressing.

Reita stands up and grabs his bento. They walk to the kitchen.

“Don’t expect me to forgive you right away.”

    They sit and eat.

“We should get going. It will snow really bad today.”

“Really?” Ruki asks pausing his eating. “What did they say about the power?”

Reita swallows his food and takes a drink.

“It will be back on by tonight.”

“We should go back to my place then.”

“How’s you puppy? Being alone like that?”

“I put down special paper for her to pee on.”

Reita smiles, that stuff doesn’t really work.

Ruki blushes, “are you making fun of me?”

“You know that won’t work.”

“What?”

“Your piss sheets. The dog will have gone all over the carpet.”

“Don’t say that.” Ruki says looking down at his food. He starts to eat again, swinging his leg as he worries about the carpet.

    They’re all bundled up and heading out the door. Once outside the realize that the snowing has begun.

“We’ll take your car?”

“Yeah, there’s parking that isn’t too far from the place.”

    It’s freezing when the two leave the parking garage. There was still quite a walk to the cell phone shop. Ruki walks as close to Reita as he can. The wind is whipping around. Even the crowd of people around didn’t block it out. Reita keeps his arm around Ruki’s shoulder.

“This is our last trip for the day,” he promises him. He blinks, as snowflakes fall into his eyes.

    Ruki buries his face into Reita’s coat. Hoping the other is watching where they’re going. It was so hard to see with the snowflakes flying like this.

    “Ruki, get off, we’re here.”

Ruki moves back as Reita opens the door and they go inside. Ruki’s eyes look around at the cell phones.

“Go pick up one out,” Reita tells him.

They start from the front of the store. Ruki looks at a couple phones checking out their screens and features.

    After looking though all the phones there is still no decision. Reita watches as he starts to move towards the front again. Was he going to look through again? Ruki would take all day.

“What are you doing?” Reita asks as he follows him.

“I’m not sure which one I want. I’m going to look though again.”

    Reita stops, crossing hsi arms and watching Ruki from a distance. The blonde did it, looked though al the phones again. Looking over at Reita with his face just as confused at the first round.

    Ruki felt frustrated, he just needed some input from Reita. But the blonde wasn’t talking. He was just staring at him.

“Ruki...” Reita starts about to tell him to hurry up when a woman walks up to help him.

“May I help you with something, sir?”

Soon they’re looking at the phones and she’s answering questions. Reita feels relieved when it appears he has finally selected a phone. The blonde follows them to the counter.

    The girl asks for his id and looks up his account information. Reita glances around the building, feeling bored. Ruki hands the broken phone to the girl. She takes it apart and removes the sim card. She puts it in the new phone and starts to tally up the price.

    Reita hands her his id and credit card. Just for a second, she gets this look on her face. Like after seeing Ruki’s name and then his. She runs the card through, entering the info before it prints. Handing him the copy to sign and the one to keep.

    She jumps slightly as the other girl walks up behind her.

“Here’s the paper work.”

She hands it to Ruki. He signs the appropriate pages.

    The girl begins to blush. She was starting to get nervous.

“Are you okay?” Ruki asks.

Reita smiles at him, whispering.

“She’s a fan.”

“Oh, Oh.” Ruki says, slamming his hand on the counter. “Okay.”

“Do you have something you want us to sign?” Reita asks.

The girl deserved it helping Ruki make up his mind. They could have been here all day. She nods before running off. She was kind of a stupid girl. They could have just left. She returns quickly with a picture of them. It was the two of them from two years ago. He smiles, they really looked young. Reita signs it and passes it to Ruki. The blonde signs and hands it to the girl.

    The venture back into the cold. Ruki did take too long. Already, there is quite a bit of snow on the ground. The blonde is huddled next to him as they walk back to the parking garage.

    The car is freezing when the two sit down in it. Reita shivers as he starts the car. Ruki yawns as he shakes.

“I’m so tired.”

“We should be home soon.”

“But it’s the first snow,” he says before closing his eyes.

    The roads weren’t bad at first. The traffic was light. That was until they get to a busy intersection. The cars were piling up and no one was moving anywhere. Ruki had fallen asleep.

    He wakes up looking around.

“How long have we been driving around?”

“We’re not moving anywhere.”

Ruki yawns.

“Yeah, I see that. Why?”

“Accident maybe or the roads are just too slick.”

“How long?”

“An half hour.”

The road they were on turned directly into another one. No way to turn around. The problem is the road they are turning on is lined with cars. Almost a mile back.

“Why don’t you turn around?”

“Ruki, we can’t. Don’t you think I wouldn’t have thought of that the thirty minutes I’ve been sitting here.”

“Calm down,” Ruki says.

    Reita takes a deep breath. Arguing would only make things worse. Ruki was exhausted as soon as they got home. He lazily throws his things off then trudges to the bedroom. Reita follows him, standing a the door and watching him. Ruki lays on the bed. The blonde crawls on the bed, slipping his arms around him. Not with innocent intent. He starts to tickle him. Ruki pulls his leg up as he laughs.

“Reita.”

He lays on his stomach groaning.

“Reita, stop.”

Reita laughs as he leaves him alone. Ruki glares up at him.

    He doesn’t hold the face long and he joins in on the laughing. Gasping as Reita lays down on him. His legs keep Ruki’s hips in place. The hand sneaks to tickle his side a little. Ruki laughs.

“Don’t you dare.”

Lips descend on his, kissing softly.

    It’s quick and Reita sits back up. Ruki gets up and looks for the dog. Checking on her and her food. Reita stays on the bed laying down in soft sheets. It felt nice. The could just lay there the rest of the day. Since the weather is so bad.

    Life could get so damn lonely. In the business we forget to call our friends or family. It’s nice to just have someone to come home to. Someone always there but not crowding you. It was nice to hold Ruki, to fuck him, to just waste his time with him.

    Reita laughs, wondering if the dog had pissed on the carpet. He gets off the bed and looks aorund for Ruki. The blonde was on the ground playing with the puppy. Reita drops down by them. Smiling at the two. Ruki looked so happy.

“How are you feeling?”

Ruki smiles at him. “Tired, hungry.”

The dog runs at Reita going after his hand.

“Hey,” he pulls it back as the dog tries to bite it.

    “We can eat you, Puppy,” he teases.

Ruki slaps his arm.

“That’s an expensive meal.”

    Ruki stands up, he looks down at the other two condescendingly.

“I bet you’re hungry,” he says as he goes to the kitchen.

It was Ruki’s luck through whenever he tries a joke something goes wrong. His sock covered foot goes right into the knocked over water from the dog dish. It’s only a second and he’s yelping and falling on his ass. Reita stands up, trying not to laugh.

“Hey Babe, are you alright?”

    The dog had squealed a little before it ran under the couch. Ruki pushes Reita away as he tries to help him up. Tears spilling out off his eyes, as he moves himself onto his knees. Slipping slightly on the wet surface.

    The dog dish hitting the ground when he moves. Reita grabs his arms and pulls him up. Helping him steady himself and moving him out of the water. He grabs some paper towel and starts to wipe it up.

“Do you think the dog did it on purpose?”

Ruki takes his sock off and stays quiet. Waiting for Reita to dry the floor before he walks to the bathroom.

    Ruki undresses and dries himself off with a towel.

“Reita, will you bring me some clothes?”

Reita throws the paper away and goes to the bedroom, looking towards the dresser. Reita purposely messes up the neatly folded organized underwear. Laughing as he finds a bright purple pair. He shuts the drawer and looks from some pants.

“Reita!” Ruki calls from the bathroom.

The blonde laughs, Ruki is so impatient.

    Reita finds him in the bathroom shivering with a towel around his waist. Reita grabs at the towel.

“So, you’re cold.”

Ruki slaps his hand.

“Stop it,” he says. “Get out.” his voice more playful than serious.

Reita reaches between his legs and pretends to grab him.

“Aw, it’s hiding.”

     Ruki moves back, twisting his body away.

“Give me my clothes.”

Reita slaps the plump ass now in front of him.

Ruki yelps, then cusses, bringing his body to his knees.

“Fuck, Reita!” He swears, his face contorting in pain.

“Are you okay?”

Reita kneels by him, pulling the towel up.

“Did you hurt yourself?”

The sight was comically painful. He had fell so hard into the bowl that It had bruised his skin. It had already formed a purple circle. His arms slip around Ruki.

“Aw, baby.”

Author's note:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqidMbKWwec

Just incase you haven't seen this on youtube. It made my day. It's funny when Kai corrects Ruki in the beginning. Keep you eye on Ruki's hands.

32 days in January, Reita. 1/1

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 02:27:40 GMT

Title: 32 days in January, Reita?
Author: Endless Digital
Fandom: The GazettE
Pairing: Reita x Ruki
Genre: comedy
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Reita completely forgets Ruki's birthday and it leaves the little blonde upset.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Comments: I wrote this after reading ryuutsuki 's fic [1] [2] for Ruki's birtday. I was glad that someone remember / had time to write one. So I decided to write one even if it's super late. Better late than never, right? So the theme comes from the fact that it seems the fans have forgotten his birthday. = ) (we're just busy-busy.)

Birthday fic for Ruki.

32 days in January, Reita.

    A whole day and nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even a call from my mother. My own mother, seriously. I open my eyes slightly and peer around the room. Checking the clock for a second and seeing how early it is.

    The bed shifts and a warm body moves against my back. An arm slips around my stomach. I groan slightly, waking up a little more. Hot breath is on my ear.

“Happy Birthday, baby,” he whispers.

Bastard. Anger runs through my body. How could he had pushed the date back?

“It’s not my birthday,” I grumble and try to push him arm away.

“What,” he says still sounding asleep. “Today’s the first.”

I sigh. “Reita, how many days are in January?”

“30...” he pauses, “31.”

I sit up and quickly push him away.

“Why’d you count 32 then?”

“What, what are you talking about?”

“Today’s the second, stupid,” I say as I get out of bed and head quickly to the bathroom.

******* Reita

    I get out of bed much slower than Ruki. I walk to the kitchen and stare at the calender on the fridge. Ruki stopped ‘x’ing off the days off on the 31th. So it wasn’t my fault the calender wasn’t up to date. I smile, looking at Ruki’s birthday marked on the calender.

Ruki’s b-day
♥ = )

    I sigh and make my way to the bathroom. I go to the toilet and start to pee. My eyes stare over towards Ruki. The silhouette of his body through the shower curtain. He’s always sexy looking.

    After washing my hands, I undress. Standing outside the curtain, I watch him before opening. He glances back at me looking surprised. I get in anyways. I hold him close and close my eyes.

“Ruki...”

He groans and starts to pull away. I apologize to him.

    He turns around and presses his face to my chest. He holds my sides. Over the water, I can hear him whine and feel his wet mouth on my chest. It comes apparent to me, that he’s crying.

“Ruki, I’m sorry.”

He pushes me back.

“You’re an idiot. Why didn’t you remember?”

I know it hurts and makes him feel unimportant. I push him slightly. There’s still the part of me that’s less understanding.

“I didn’t forget. I bought your fucking gift,” I raise my voice.

“Don’t push me!” he says moving away from me.

I walk past him and get under the water to rinse off. His hand grabs my wrist in a tight hold, within seconds he pulls me to the back of the shower. He goes under the water.

“I came in here to shower,” he says angry.

I cross my arms over my chest.

“It’s cold, Ruki.”

He sniffles, the boy is still crying.

“I didn’t invite you in here.”

    I stay in there, watching him.

“Get out,” he says.

“Why do you think everyone forgot?”

Ruki shakes a little, that seemed to really hurt him.

“Just get out,” he says covering his face as he moves to the back of the shower. Even if he’s kicking me out, he’s already leaving.

    But being Ruki he’s barely looking as he tries to get out. I grab his arm as he slips on the wet floor. I could see him slamming his balls into the side. I pull him back into the shower. Bringing his body up to mine.

“Why don’t you pay attention?”

His breathing is heavy.

“Let’s finish our shower. And I’ll make your birthday worthwhile.”

******* Ruki

    I sit on the bed, on my knees. Dressed warmly in clothes. I wait for Reita to finish
getting dressed. Then I watch him reach for something in the closet. His hiding spot in the back corner that I can’t reach. He can’t that well either.

    I can’t help the smile as I see the bright wrapping paper. He sets it on the bed smiling back.

“You’re so excited,” he comments.

The red blush appears on my cheeks. It’s hard to stay angry, not when he’s trying to fix the day for me.

    “Open it,” he says.

My hands reach for it. Gently and slowly I removed the wrapping paper and pull the box out. I open it and I’m surprised by the contents. Was I that obvious when I glanced at it in the store window? I grab it and lift it up.

    I put the jacket on and smile up at Reita. He kisses my cheek. I move my head up to kiss his lips. He moves onto the bed, pushing me against it. My legs spread around him as the kiss deepens.

“You’re such a bitch,” he says pulling back.

    It’s not in the debasing way, it’s just him joking. Making fun of my moodiness.
I try to move my hand but he keeps it there.

“Happy Birthday.”

I smirk at him.

“You idiot, it’s...”

He pushes my wrists harder into the bed.

“Hey...”

I push my knees up and wrestle him onto his back.

    I look up and blow hair out of my face. I look down at his surprised face. His fingers tickle my jean-clad thighs. I smile widely.

“Reita I love it. How’d you know?”

He just smiles at me and looks up and down my body.

    Even though we had sex last night, he’s giving me that look that he wants it again. I move my hips over him.

“Shouldn’t you dance for me?” I tease.

“I don’t do that stuff. That’s you.”

I sigh and move on him again.

    I stare down, and blush as my stomach rumbles.

“I’m hungry, Reita.”

“You want me to cook for you?”

The look on his face tells me that’s shocked by my next words.

“Fuck me quickly so I can eat.”

“Are you even hard?”

I unzip my pants, push the underwear down, and pull out my penis. He slaps my leg.

“Get these off.”

    I move off and get undressed. Removing the jacket too. He grabs my hips as I’m bending over. He kisses my back. A hand moves back and he’s unzipping hsi pants. Pulling them down. I cry out as he slaps my butt.

“Go find the lube,” he says.
    I crawl over the pillows and search under them. I pull out a tube and throw it back towards him.

“Do you have a hard-on yet?”

    I actually do, getting excited about his whole thing. My stomach rumbles again and he’s laughing at me. With my butt to him, I hear him masturbating behind me.

“Come on, Reita. Come on.”

My butt is slapped again with his head hand. I cry out as he suddenly enters me. It’s quick, sending my body forward.

    He rides me as I whimper. My body temperature rising as he send my body into my convulsions. His grip on my hips so tight.

“Ruki...”

“Reita!”

He pulls out and I whimper loudly. I turn onto my back, knowing what he wants. I miss the previous position though.

    I moan, he grabs my hips and pushes inside. I pant staring up at him as I wet my lips. His hands move and he moves closer to me, causing my back to arch as he kisses me. The kiss is sloppy and full of need. I pull away to breath. It’s too much, my heart is beating so fast and I feel it every where.

    My body is out of my control. My hips buck up and down. My eyes follow my head to the side. I’m crying out his name, spurting white into the air and on my stomach. He still thrusts hard, kissing my lips so roughly. I squeal, if I could orgasm again, I would.

    He feels so warm inside of me.

“Ruki,” he cries out into my mouth.

I feel it, the surging heat filling me.

“I’m cumming,” he says before his face goes down by my neck. He thrusts, riding it out in me.

    We’re silent for a moment, just breathing heavily.

“I love you,” he whispers sweetly.

He pulls out and I moan at the lose.
“Guess we have to get dressed again,” he says grabbing tissues from the box.

*******

    I sigh sitting on the couch bored out of my mind. Wrecking my brain trying to find out why Reita wants us to stay home. We should be downtown, inside in some arcade or karaoke place. Then we should eat at a fancy restaurant. Not here, bored out of my mind, and watching Reita do what ever the hell it is that he’s doing.

    “You should go out,” he says suddenly.

I’m shocked by the lack of ‘we’ in that sentence.

“I should go out?”

He hands me a list.

“We need groceries.”

My jaw drops.

“No. Absolutely not.”

He pulls me up from the couch.

“Hey,” he slaps my bottom. “You should get going.”

    I stare at the list. Do you really need that much.

“Reita,” I whine.

He’s shuffling me towards the door.

“Put your shoes on.”

And he runs off. I put them on and he’s back with my new jacket and my keys.

    I barely have my head together and he’s pushing me out the door.

“Reita gave me your keys. It’s cold.”

“You can’t drive,” he says.

“I can’t carry all of this back.”

He hits my shoulder.

“Make some friends.”

The door is shut in my face.

“Reita, I need money for this.”

The door is opened and he shoves a few bills in my hand and his keys.

“You wreck my car and I’ll kick your ass.”

    I make my way to the elevator. The building isn’t busy at this time. Everyone’s at work. I like our weird rock bank schedule. Well at least, most of the time.

*******

    Reita sighs. Finally Ruki was gone. Everyone was waiting at Aoi’s place. They could come up here to decorate now. He pulls out his phone and calls Aoi.

“He’s gone. You guys get up here.”

    Everyone forgot Ruki’s birthday because they planned it that way. It’s really a surprise if it’s late. Even if it turns out to be a little mean. Ruki was quite upset about everyone forgetting. He was crying this morning.

    In just a few minutes, the house is very busy. People decorating and setting up the gifts. Kai was in the kitchen with a group of people making a cake and preparing food. Reita hoped Ruki would take his time at the store. They really needed time to set this up.

*******

    I felt so frustrated in the store. There were a couple of items I just couldn’t find. Reita had asked for so much, I had two heavy baskets to carry. I give up on the last few items and make my way to the check out.

    The lady rings the stuff up and bags it. My face gets red as I reach for my wallet. It’s not there. I check the other pocket and nothing. So I grab the money Reita handed me and check if it’s enough. About 1000 short. Embarrassed, I explain the situation to the woman. Then I ask her to put some items back. I hate having to do this. The housewives whispering and staring.

    I take my bag and leave quickly. Did I even bring my wallet with me? I couldn’t remember and I start to wonder if it’s in the car.

*******

    Reita panics as he hears the key in the door. Everyone is scrambling to hide and turn all the lights off. Ruki frowns as he opens the door. Why are the lights turned off? He moves towards the main area and turns on the light. He literally jumps back as everyone jumps out yelling surprise. Relieved he didn’t scream out. He sets the bags down, looking in shock at the people around him.

    Reita moves towards him, pulling the vocalist into a hug. He kisses his forehead.

“I love you,” he whispers softly.

Ruki looks past him with a smile on his face. Everyone was here. His family, their friends including the band. He felt so happy even seeing his father here. Ruki moves away from Reita wondering how to explain that to his father. It’s not like there’s an explanation for a man kissing him. They’re not European and oh well Ruki was just happy right now. He’s beaming as he goes to greet everyone.

    Even if it was a little difficult to pull it off, it was all worth it watching how happy Ruki is.